(Closed) How long were you together before you "pushed" marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you together before you pushed marriage
    Less than a year : (33 votes)
    16 %
    1 to 2 years : (47 votes)
    22 %
    2 to 3 years : (40 votes)
    19 %
    3 to 4 years : (52 votes)
    25 %
    5 + years : (38 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m not going to respond to the poll because I didn’t “push.” He actually brought up marriage before and more frequently than I. At some point though, I was like, okay well, we keep talking about it, do you want to do this? It was very casual and an ongoing conversation. The proposal was not at all a surprise, even the when and where. We had been dating about two years when we decided together that we were going to get the ball rolling. Neither of us really wanted to be engaged before 2 years was up, even though we were sure this was it earlier on. Just felt like the right time with where we are in life.

    I think the issue with most people in the situation you’re talking about is that one person is ready and one person isn’t. It’s just important to keep an open line of communication about expectations what where the relationship is headed and if both people are comfortable with the pace.

    Post # 4
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I also didn’t respond to the poll b/c there never was a “push” on either of our sides. It sort of came up organically within our conversations. We would talk about our future together and it included a house and marriage and kids. I knew I wanted to marry him and I knew he wanted to marry me. So when he proposed at our year and 9 month mark, I was surprised, but not totally caught off guard that he wanted to marry me if that makes sense. 

    Post # 5
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think it depends a lot on how old you are as well.  If I was 22 and in a great relationship, I might be a bit more laissez faire about marriage than if I was 32 and in a great relationship.  Opportunity costs for staying in a relationship that will never end in marriage at 32 are higher than they are at 22.  

    Post # 6
    370 posts
    Helper bee

    I’ve been with my SO for 2.5 years and I’ve been pushing for about 8 months. Reason being I’m 33 and want my bf to become my husband so we can have a home, and children soon. We don’t currently live together and so marriage will bring us together physically as well I love my man I want to be with him all the time 🙂 I think everyone is in different situations and depends how old you are and where you are in your life 2 years may be or may not be “rushing” at all.

    Post # 7
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Completely depends on age. When we first got together, we were 18, so neither of us talked about it in a non dream world sense until 4-5 years into the relationship.

    Post # 8
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Also not responding because I didn’t bring it up. He did, and we talked together about what we wanted and decided when we wanted to get married and have children.

    Based on that, we worked out a timeline for engagement – we decided we would wait until after I had met his parents (they are international) and until after his visa was settled so we would not have to rush anything and run to the courthouse (always our plan b!)

    We could get engaged now, we are both sure. But we don’t want a wedding till late 2014/early 2015 and I REALLY want to meet his parents first so he doesn’t have to tell them he’s marrying a complete stranger to them. So waiting it is, for now.

    We are planning on getting engaged sometime between April and December 2013. So I’m waiting on a timeline we mutually agreed upon. It’s not super hard –  though I’m super excited and the Bee is the only place I allow myself to flail about it. My lips are sealed otherwise. My parents know – and that’s it.

    Post # 10
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m sorry but this thread makes me stabby. I hate hate hate the whole ” if the relaionship is good you don’t need to get married” crap. Yes I say crap because it is crap. Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. You’ve been with your man for 6 years so I could turn around and say ” Well if you were good enough for him to marry he would have married you by now” That isn’t kind is it? So why would you pose the same unkind question to someone else? 

    For me life is short. I know what I want and it doesn’t take me years to formulate an opinion. I don’t want to be with someone that needs years upon years to know that I am the one or to save money for some elaborate proposal or any of that junk. I want to be with someone who knows I am it and makes it happen.

    — Just to be clear I am only giving an example I don’t believe you aren’t good enough to marry. —

    Post # 11
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I started pushing after we moved in together; with our short-long-distance relationship, before I got a new job and we were able to live together, it really wasn’t reasonable for us to get married and have one of us leave their jobs or commute for so long, move to a new state (albeit only 1.5 hours away), etc.  It was about 3.5 years at that point.

    Post # 12
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I didn’t vote since I didn’t push Fiance. I’m a girl with a personal timeline of 2 years. For me, i’ve done the 5 year relationship that wasn’t ever going anywhere, neither me nor my ex planned on marrying the other. Those relationships happen where the only reason the couple is together for so long is out of comfort, and usually those relationships end because someone decides they waited long enough and want marriage and push the other to either propose or leave.

    The problem with saying that is it just me or if your relationship is really as good as you say it is you dont NEED to get married…” many women don’t want to get a house, and start a family with someone unless they are married. No matter how good a relationship is if the people are wanting 2 different things out of life then they are both wasting their time.

    Post # 14
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    You didn’t hurt my feelings. I was engaged within 6 months so this thread doesn’t really apply to me. I just find your logic faulty and the way you stated it unkind. We don’t need to get married or have children, but we want those things ( generally) so we do them. Just because something is not a matter of life and death does not mean that wanting them is wrong. Nor is you being in a relationship for 6 years with no ring wrong. We are all different and move at our own pace, there is no too short or too long to wait as long as the people in the relationship are both happy with it. 

    Post # 16
    8613 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t vote because I never pushed it. We were together 7 years before getting engaged but that was fine with me.

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