(Closed) How long were you together before you "pushed" marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you together before you pushed marriage
    Less than a year : (33 votes)
    16 %
    1 to 2 years : (47 votes)
    22 %
    2 to 3 years : (40 votes)
    19 %
    3 to 4 years : (52 votes)
    25 %
    5 + years : (38 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 49
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If you are truly both on the same page then there wouldn’t be any engagement pressure since they are both on the same page about waiting.

    Post # 51
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We were marriage-minded from the very beginning. We began talking wedding about 9 months in?

    Post # 52
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I never pushed my Fiance into anything.  Pushing is not the way to start a lifetime relationship.  We discussed things and made the decision together.

    Post # 53
    Member
    3829 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We knew we wanted to marry each other, but after 3 years i told him i was starting to get uncomfortable with the whole “playing house” deal. 

    So i guess that was my push? But he has told me time and time again that no one can force or push him to do something he doesnt want to. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @vulnerable64:  If you love eachother and both want to marry the other, why wait. You say what’s the rush, how about the fact that life is short. No one knows how long they have, so why would you want to wait. 

    Many women want kids, at a certain point pregnancy becomes more dangerous and high risk, why would anyone choose waiting until they are at an age for a high risk pregnancy if they don’t have to?

    If you’re 20 years old you’re priorities tend to be different then if your 25 or 30 or older. A 20 year old isn’t typically thinking about having kids in the near future, they’re usually thinking about want they want to do for a career, thinking about traveling and adventures and experiences. Most 20 year old women aren’t thinking of buying that house. You feel like you have all the time in the world yet to do everything you want. As you get a bit older you realize how fast the years go by and your priorities switch.

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I also cannot vote on this poll since I didn’t need to push. The topic came up and we both talked about what we wanted. I did think it would be another year before the proposal. He proposed when we had been together a year and a half.

    Post # 56
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    The idea that maggaige must have been “pushed” on the guy if it happens before your 6 year timeline is pretty ridiculous.

    It came up organically within our relationship. We had big long term dreams and goals that we discussed from day one – it happened naturally! No “pushing”. I was never “waiting” we decided to get married. And then we did.

    Post # 57
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @vulnerable64 (message)    November 11, 2013   Vancouver Island, Canada

    There does come a point where you are just plain stupid if you do *everything but* get married.

    WOW!!!!  (I cant believe someone would say that!)

    Really?  Why?

    I stand by “stupid” – even if it’s harsh.  I would consider MYSELF stupid if I allowed myself to be in that sort of unprotected position.  I would consider my friend stupid if he/she put himself or herself in that position.

    Vulnerable.  Unprotected.  Best interests not looked out for.  If you willingly put yourself in that position…… that’s not smart.  That’s how I feel.  You can leave yourself open and legally unprotected, if you want.  I think that you’re not smart if you do that.

    Women (and men) say the same thing in a variety of different way…. throughout this post there are numerous references to **I was starting to get uncomfortable with the whole “playing house” deal** or the same sentiment written in a different way.

     

    It’s like saying you would sell someone a car without asking them to sign a sales contract…..  If a business did that you could say they had poor business practices.  If a person did it, you would say they were entering into a business deal and not being smart about it.

    Post # 58
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Im not saying dont get married, im just wanting to know what the rush is

     

    I think it depends on your age….. If you are 20 -> there is no *rush*.  If you are 35 and you each want more than one kids and to retire at 65…. then you don’t have 6 years to “get started”.

    If you BOTH don’t have the same goals…. then it’s not a good match and one of you is going to end up getting hurt because you each have different expectations.

     

     

    Post # 59
    Member
    7776 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I never pushed. We had talked about it briefly and had kind of discussed never actually getting married. He left for basic training and decided he wanted to get married. He wrote me a letter saying he had decided to marry me and then 6 weeks later, we were engaged. We had been together for 3 years at that point.

    Post # 60
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I never pushed.

    We went on a date in March.

    A month later, we both told each other we were “The One.”

    We looked at rings in July.

    We plan on getting engaged by the end of the year.

    Married in May 2014, after he comes back from a year-long assignment. All total, we will have been together 2 years.

    He wanted me even more than I wanted him (and I wanted him a lot!), and I like it that way.

    Post # 61
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @vulnerable64:  

    I didn’t bring it up; he did.

    But to answer your question:  “is it just me or if your relationship is really as good as you say it is you dont NEED to get married…”

    Not every relationship is that same as yours… for example, my fiancé and I have been together for just over 2 years and we are getting married. Our relationship is better than I even could have imagined having with another human being… and we want to make it official.

    Every relationship is different. Ours is great, and yes(IMO), we DO need to get married- because we WANT to get married. 

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