(Closed) How long were you together before you "pushed" marriage?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you together before you pushed marriage
    Less than a year : (33 votes)
    16 %
    1 to 2 years : (47 votes)
    22 %
    2 to 3 years : (40 votes)
    19 %
    3 to 4 years : (52 votes)
    25 %
    5 + years : (38 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee

    I must admit I do think some people are in a ‘rush’ to get married. I do however think age plays a huge part in whether or not rushing is required.

    Completely agree that if you are in your early to mid 20’s, you have time on your side and it probably is a good idea to wait it out a bit longer than 2 years. If you are in your late 20’s+ then you probably do need to kick it up a notch if you haven’t had children (and plan to have your own biological kids).

    We’ll probably get engaged after being together for 5 years (we’ll be 25 and 28). 

    Post # 78
    Member
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Hmm I don’t think I ever pushed. We’ve been together just about 7 years now, but honestly from year 1-5, it never even occured to me that getting married and having babies was something that I needed to be thinking about.  Right after the 5 year anniversary, we split for like 6 weeks, and on condition of us getting back together, I flat out told him that if he wasn’t in it for the long haul, meaning, house, babies & puppies, then he might as well go on his merry way and let me go.  It took that momentary breakup for me to realize that marriage and a family was something that I wanted. That break did ths same thing for him, and so now he’s ready. It’s been almost 2 years since then and we’ve talked openly about getting married, buying another house and having kids. I know it’s coming, but am I pushing him about it? Nah. 

     

    Post # 79
    Member
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I chose 5+ years, mostly because I just graduated from college, and we’ve been dating about 6.7 years. And man oh man am I pushing it! 😛

    Post # 80
    Member
    4959 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    We were very marriage oriented from Day 1. I never had to push it, but I did ask for a timeline of sorts. 

    Post # 81
    Member
    1540 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    We’ve been together for 5 years. We talked about it “in the future” for a long time, but I’ve only seriously brought it up since our 5 years. I’m back at school, so he’s not sure how his career is gonna go while I’m in school. It could happen before, but we both agreed we’d get married by the year I graduate.

    I think those who get married quickly don’t understand those who wait. I also think those who wait don’t understand those who move quickly. We should all respect others decisions/lifestyles.

    Post # 82
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    @vulnerable64:  Well we have been together about 2.5 years, moved in together after just a few months (more of a convenience thing though than a “lets take the next step thing”), talked about marriage since about 6 months, and I actually started asking “whens this going to happen?” at about 2 years.

    Every situation is different. My SO bought a house after a year of us being together. He pays the bills on his own, though I live there. I am not willing to throw down thousands of dollars helping him to finish the basement or put sprinklers in the yard if we are not engaged. The house is in his name, and if the relationship was to fail I would be out whatever I invested. While I am optimistic about the future of our relationship, it is unwise to financially invest myself in someone who hasn’t taken the step of actually committing to a life with me. I guess I feel like after 2 years, he should know. He is also going to be 30 this year and talks about wanting to have kids in the next 3-4 years, meaning he wants to start trying in 2-3 years. I am absolutely not going to plan a family without a marriage. I want him to commit to a life with me before he commits to raising children with me. I don’t even really want to get a puppy together without an engagement! (which is another thing he talks about)

    I think that when you get to that point in a relationship where you’re talking about entering into things that require that stability of knowing that you are in it for the long haul its not too much to ask to make that commitment an official thing. Some people are more secure than others though. Some girls are content with hearing “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” and “I will propose eventually” for years upon years. To me, though, I would feel like at a certain point its “all talk” and would need some actual proof. Just because a guy doesn’t want to marry you right now doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be with you. He might claim that he does want marriage and that he will propose simply to avoid losing you. That’s not a super rare thing.

    I’ve put it out there where I stand, how I feel, and what I want for our future together. The rest is up to him… but after its out there, for me there definitely is a “pause” in things. Proposing is like his official way of saying “yes, this is what I want too”. It’s still an option for him to walk away, and I would hope that he would if he didn’t want the commitment that I want.

    Post # 83
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I never “pushed”, but we started talking about it between the 1 and 2 year mark, just kinda feeling things out. Around 2 1/2 years I said to him “I’m the kind of girl who really wants to get married. Are you the kind of guy who wants to get married someday, not necessarily to me, but to someone, someday?  I just need to know, cause if you never want to get married, I’m wasting my time.”  He said he did want to get married to someone someday.  I said ok.

    We were together a couple months shy of 3 years when he proposed, and we’ll have been together 4 1/2 when we get married.

    Post # 84
    Member
    2135 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Probably like 2.5 years. Right around Christmas time… I wanted a RING! (I didn’t get that ring until July!)

    Post # 85
    Member
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    You need more options.  I would have voted never.  But being married isn’t too bad, either.  It’s just a piece of paper — if you have a good relationship, you have a good relationship. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee

    I want to be engaged pretty badly because unlike a lot of couples, my boy and I don’t live together and won’t before marriage. Therefore building a home and our lives together isn’t possible yet.

    And as others have said, there isn’t any pushing.

    Post # 87
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee

    Well, we talked about marriage after a few months but we were so long that I knew it was a long way off.  I started seriously hoping it would come in the near future around the 4 year mark (this past May at age 20), although part of me did want it to happen before even though knowing it was impractical and shouldn’t happen earlier.

    Post # 88
    Member
    1430 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    It was after a year for me, when he asked me to move in with him and leave my country, my family, and all of my friends behind. Before that I was just enjoying things day by day and marriage wasn’t on my immediate radar.

    Post # 89
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    We have been together just under 6 years. He told me back in February we would be getting engaged soon. Last month a bunch of our friends started getting engaged who have been together way shorter than us so I started pushing engagement because he can tend to be lazy and not do anything till you push him to do it. Happy to say the setting has been ordered and actually just came today =] Now just waiting for him to go have it set with a family diamond and propose.

    Post # 90
    Member
    2424 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I voted 5+ years…but the truth is I never pushed for it really. In fact, Fiance wanted to get engaged when we were too too young (20 and 21) and I told him I wouldn’t even consider it until I graduated college. He proposed 6 months after I graduated, at which point we had been dating 6 years.

    Post # 91
    Member
    826 posts
    Busy bee

    Negative 5 days?  We discussed marriage, kids, and other important stuff before starting the relationship.  I saw no point in even bothering to date unless we both thought it could lead to marriage.  From around the third year onward we prepared to actually get engaged (got my great-grandmother’s ring resized and such), and he proposed about 4.5 years into the relationship (we met when we were fairly young, so we held off on engagement for a while).  

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