(Closed) How long would you wait????

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My limit (in my head) once I hit 27 was 3 years. I “waited” once before after 5 years passed and it never came. I eventually walked. Fortunately I didn’t have to wait because my now Darling Husband proposed a little after a year. 

Post # 3
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you are over 30 and want a baby, you have waited long enough.

Post # 4
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

I’ll be dating for 3 years in April. I want to wait at least 6 more years, which makes a total of 9 years

Post # 5
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Have you guys discussed marriage? Do you have a timeline? I feel like at your age and with your goals (baby!), it’s totally appropriate for you to somewhat “plan” an engagement timeline with him as a team. 

Post # 6
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t think there is a right answer to this question. I was with my Fiance for 7 years before he proposed but I was always 100% confident that we were heading for marriage. I never felt like I was waiting there were just other things we wanted to do first. 

Having said that I do think 3 years, especially when you are over 30, is long enough to know if you want to spend your life with someone. Have you discussed this with your SO?

Post # 7
Member
4552 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It depends on age. I was a pushy girlfriend with my husband. He wanted me to move in to help pay his mortgage, and I said not without a ring. We were engaged on our 1 yr anniversary, but chose the ring at about the 9-10 month point. I was over 30 though, which made a difference in my patience.

Post # 9
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Yes, I think so! See what he has been thinking about when he’d like to have a baby by, and therefore when he’d like to be married by, and make sure those align with what you’re expecting (or work out a compromise that makes you both happy). I imagine he would want to move forward with those things in the not-too-distant future, so that would open the conversation for setting a timeline for an engagement. 

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

LLMMCC:  I think the only thing you can do is speak to to your SO. Does he realise how important this is to you? 

My Fiance was always happy to have kids first and get married at some later date. However, I was clear that I would much prefer to be married before trying for children. Whilst my Fiance always wanted to get married he wouldn’t have cared if we waited another 10 years. I’m really glad we had that conversation. 

Post # 11
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

This is actually a question I struggle with- because on one hand I feel I should love him unconditionally and really can’t picture him not being in my life, but on the other hand I feel like it’s gotten to the point where not being engaged yet has made me question why (as in is there something wrong or missing) and I’ve begun to feel the negative impact of waiting. I worry that if he doesn’t propose in the near-ish future this will increase. He says he wants to marry me and he’s a great guy in so many ways, but he has definitely taken longer than I’d like. It’s not that his timeline is necessarily wrong and mine is automatically right – but the fact that our timelines are different has caused a few issues. He’s asked me to be patient a little while longer and I do believe he’s sincere when he says he does want to marry me, so I’m trying to follow the SIUP and focus on my own new year’s resolutions. I have to admit though, if he doesn’t propose sometime in 2015 I won’t believe that there’s nothing wrong/ holding him back (he claims there isn’t). My biological clock isn’t a factor in waiting though as SO and I are both divorced with older children, that is definitely a major factor for some waiting Bees and SOs should realize this!

Post # 12
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

LLMMCC:  Yes, you need to have a chat.

I feel like I didn’t really have to ‘wait’ as we got engaged a week shy of our 1 year. But, I was also 25, still in school and we didn’t have set plans. You clearly do, you should ask your SO and see where he is.

Post # 13
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would like to be together for at least five years before commiting to anything lifelong like marriage but I don’t want children. On the flip side, I’m not interested in ever “waiting” because I don’t want a proposal. I just want us to decide to get married together, pick a date and then get married, no proposal from either person or engagement ring/watch/bracelet or even a wedding. Just head down to the courthouse with our parents and photographer in tow.

In your case, I would suggest just asking him when he sees you getting married to see where he stands and letting him know about the biological clock thing (because apparently a lot of men don’t realize how crucial that can be) and tell him that you would prefer to be married by date xxx so you two can start trying. Only you can know how long you want to wait but since you want to have a baby (and even if you didn’t), I think it’s important to hash things out with him so you find out if you’re on the same page and if you’re not, to work together to a suitable compromise. Maybe there’s something he’d like to accomplish or do before proposing but only he can tell you that.

Post # 14
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

LLMMCC:  Have you ever had a timeline discussion? Have you established that he plans to propose? 

I totally understand the squirreliness associated with waiting… but you have to talk about it before you start thinking about how long you’re willing to wait. Figure out if you’re on the same page. 

My Fiance really wants kids and wanted to have a baby before we get married, but I made it very clear we had to be married first… it was my “rule”. I wasn’t willing to budge on that one, and he respected that. 

After one year together he asked what I wanted my ring to look like, and a full year later he proposed. 

I really wish that when we talked about rings that we had established a timeline of sorts because that entire year I was on edge waiting for my proposal! 

So… have a talk with your SO. Does he want to get married? Do you want to be married for a baby? 

If this is the guy you want to marry this shouldn’t be a difficult conversation to have, and shouldn’t be surprising… you are both 30 and want a baby together.

Post # 15
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

We were engaged at 11 months and 2 week mark

The topic ‘How long would you wait????’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors