(Closed) How long would you wait for a proposal?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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chelsea11:  My DH and I were together for 8 years before he proposed…. Hmmm 11 months is too soon.  Give it a few months and then talk to him about maybe a timeline?

Post # 17
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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chelsea11:  It depends on you. I personally would not move in before a proposal and I would start searching for something else after a year.  I don’t believe in long courtships or living together before marriage; not because of some moral reason, but because men will take advantage of the situation.  My Fiance proposed at 7 months. I made it very clear from the start that I only get involved in relationships that lead to marriage.  We had many marriage talks early on and I reminded him occasionally about my expectations.  I also made it clear when he visited my family for Christmas that he had to make his intentions clear.  He proposed a week after talking to my mum.

I think it comes down to what you’re willing to tolerate.  If Fiance hadn’t proposed by the 1-year mark, I would have pulled back and made it 100% clear that a marriage proposal had to happen or else.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore this man and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.  It’s just that men in this society tend to drag things out and are evasive unless you spell out that you want commitment.  If they run from it, they are not ready for it and you shouldn’t be ready to tolerate that.  I’ve been in a situation before where I waited and waited for someone who never deserved to be waited on.  It taught me how to advocate for myself in a relationship and to grow a backbone.

Post # 18
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I can understand how you are feeling, but I don’t think you want to push it too much at this point.  As long as it seems that you are continuing to move in the right direction, give it some more time.  I was in a similar situtation.  My Fiance and I lived 25 min apart (60 min during rush hour), and we both knew that we wanted to get married after less then a year of dating.  We spent 5 or 6 nights together at each other’s places, so I can definately relate to how the driving and planning on who is going to who’s place can get frustrating.  We ended up getting engaged around the 18 month mark; however, if he hadn’t proposed then, I definately would have waited a lot longer.  I was ready to say yes, but I wouldn’t have really put myself in the “waiting” category yet at that point.  We just moved in together, and are at the 2 year mark.

Post # 19
Member
25 posts
Newbee

He proposed on our 5 year dating anniversary when we bought a house together. And we have been living together for the past 4.5 years. 

Post # 20
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

We got engaged the night before our 11th anniversary. We were still in our teens when we met, so our pre-engagement period was longer than usual 😀

Post # 21
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would slow down and enjoy the relationship.  11 months is not a long time and 30 minutes is truly not a long distance to drive.  My last relationship I drove 1 hour 45 minutes each way, every weekend, for 2 1/2 years.  Now that was exhausting.

To answer your question, I’ve been with my current SO for 2 1/2 years and expect to be engaged in the near future.  I think its a reasonable amount of time we have spent together prior to engagement.  I wasn’t anxious for a proposal until we reached our 2 year mark.

Post # 22
Hostess
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

11 months at 26? I just turned 27, so I’m basically your age, and Fiance proposed when we were 26, but we had been together for nearly 8 years at that point and lived together for almost a year as well. 30 minutes is not a long drive, my commute to work is an hour each way on a good day; when we were long distance, we drove 8 hours each way to see each other on the weekends.  I would not include a short drive as a reason to get engaged asap.

You’re still in the honeymoon stage until 18 months, so I would wait at least until then, though I recommend being together for a few years before getting engaged. I wouldn’t even talk to him about engagment until 18 months; at that point it might be ok to get a feel for his timeline. If he feels strongly about living together before getting engaged and you feel strongly against that, you may have a problem. Is it a dealbreaker for either of you to live/not live together before engagement? Also if you’re in love, you’ll still be in love a few years from now when you’ve gotten to know each other better and spent more time together.

Post # 23
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Slow your roll!

Post # 24
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was with my boyfriend (now husband) for 7 years before he proposed. We both drove back and forth to see each other for about 3.5 years before I moved in and it was NOT a short drive completely across the Denver metro area.

It seemed to both of us that really coming to understand each other and work through real life problems was critical to us before making our relationship official on paper. It’s not that we didn’t know early on that we wanted to be together always, but we didn’t feel we needed a wedding or paper to define what we have. I’d have been fine not getting married if it weren’t for the fact we wanted a family and one last name.

11 months is not a lot of time together by most standards, but no one can tell you when you’re ready but the two of you.

Post # 25
Member
6257 posts
Bee Keeper

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chelsea11:  I think it’s way to soon.  I wouldn’t feel confident enough in a relationship to agree to that, personally.  But I am slow going in my decisions.  I think it was year two of a LDR that I said “I love you” and my now-husband knew that it was important that he wait me out.  The only other time someone said that to me was a few months in and it nearly gave me a heart attack and helped me realize I needed to dump him pretty much immediately as we weren’t at all on the same page.

Anyway that random anecdote aside, I was with my husband just about 8 years.  The first 5 were LDR.  The last 3 I was chomping at the bit to get married – first he had to find work in our area and I respected that but was still impatient.  Then he was just procrastinating – something he is a master at – without understanding how much it hurt.  By the middle of our 8th year together, I broke down entirely about it and it was get engaged tonight or I’m done. (Thank goodness he did!)

Point is, you have no reason to be expecting it already.  If he does, swell, but it’s not something to be getting anxious about already.  One thing though: stick to your guns about not moving in.  If you cave on that, you’ll cave on the next thing and the next and if he’s lazy or thinks  it’s easier not to, he never has to marry you at all.  That’s just going to set yourself up for misery.

Post # 26
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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chelsea11:  11 months seems really fast, even if you guys want it and are in a good place relationally. There is a lot that I learned about my fiance from living together and just over time. I think it takes roughly 2 years to really get to know someone, maybe longer if you aren’t living together. Further, our relationships changed in big ways (great ways) after we started living together.

We just got engaged in January and had been together for 3 years and 9 months at that time. For us, the timing was jsut right. He is 30 and I am 27.

Try to remind yourself of the benefits of dating and really knowing before commiting.

Post # 27
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - Inn On Broadway

chelsea11: 11 months is fast, my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (he lives 6 hours away in Upstate NY and I live in Brooklyn) and we’ve been together for 11 months and we take turns seeing each other frequently and we’ve talked about marriage (he even knows the ring I want!!! Yay) but we both agree that that will happen in the future (possibly another year or 2!). At this stage we’re just spending as much time as we can toghether, meeting each others families and enjoying our relationship. We have talked about me moving in with him in his house which will happen once I have enough money saved to leave my job now. He’s 35 and I’m 26.

It seems alot of people here were engaged at the 2 or 3 year mark which seems resaonable so definitely take your time because you don’t want to rush into anything. I would say after 18 months like others here suggested. Plus a 30 min commute isn’t as bad or you two could alternate staying at each other’s places. I would love a 30 minute commute rather than the 6 hour ride to see my boyfriend lol. So take it slow and get to know each other 

Post # 28
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

I certainly don’t think 11 months is too long for grownups.

DH and I didn’t live together before we were married, but we sure wanted to!

Post # 29
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

We got engaged around the 2 year mark. Which felt like an eternity. Mainly because my now husband was so eager to become exclusive in the very begining and we always talked about marriage. This made me feel like, if this is something we both want, whats the hold-up! We got married almost 2 months after our third year anniversary. 

Post # 30
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

I was with my fiancé for 4 1/2 years before we got engaged.  It was around 2 1/2 year mark that we started talking about marriage. We didn’t move in together until there was a ring on my finger because it was important to me. He had asked me to move in with him within the first year I think. 

I would have said no if he proposed to me at 11 months because thats too soon for me. I would want the relationship to grow a first. 

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