(Closed) How many bees have had therapy/had counselling?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever had counselling or seen a therapist?
    Yes-good outcome : (81 votes)
    33 %
    Yes-bad outcome or wasn't helpful : (16 votes)
    7 %
    No but I wish I had : (6 votes)
    2 %
    No, I've had no need : (15 votes)
    6 %
    Reason-relationship counselling : (20 votes)
    8 %
    Reason-Family matters : (28 votes)
    12 %
    Reason-Personal issues (eg anxiety) : (67 votes)
    28 %
    Reason-other : (9 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Yes I had CBT and I’m in England. It was for relationship related issues but they were solely my issues so I went alone. It helped! Not a magical fix – I had to work on it still – but it really helped me get there slowly.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Corgi-cariad:  My SO and myself actively sought counseling about a year into our relationship after a series of events in each of our lives that were affecting how we were communicating and responding to one another in the relationship.  We did that for about 6 months, where we met with a couples counselor every other week, and subsequently we each indiviually went to counseling every other week as well.  We did this for about 6 months, and then when we felt we had the tools we needed to succeed as a couple, and thrive as individuals we stopped – under the condition we check in with the couples counselor every few months, and are open with one another if/when we feel we need individual counseling or couples counseling, etc.

    I cannot say there was one distinct issue that led us there, but an overall ‘need’ for guidance in the relationship.  How can we improve communication?!  How can we grow as a couple?!  How can we learn to support each other the way the person needs, even if it is different from our own?!  An outsiders unbiased professional opinion certainly opened doors to all of these things, and gave us great tools.

    It is NOT for everyone.  It is NOT always the answer.  But, I would always recommend to any couple whom are both willing parties, and whom feel it could benefit a situation, an issue, or the relationship in general!

    Post # 19
    Member
    9817 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I am in Australia, have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year for my severe depression. It has been really helpful, I may not be here today if I hadn’t gotten the help.

    Post # 20
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Corgi-cariad:  We’ve been going since last summer. Honestly, we had MAJOR communication problems and I was dealing with some depression. Our first year of marriage was pretty bad. It looked like we were headed for divorce. We have both come SO FAR from where we were. Currently we’re both seeing individual therapists due to me needing to work on my depression (and honestly the trauma from our marital issues). We will be starting couples again in a month or two (we’re currently moving and have way too much going on to add a new therapist into the mix). If you want to talk…feel free to pm me! I love my therapist, and get SO MUCH out of it. Each week I feel like I’m progressing.

    Post # 21
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’ve been in the mental health care system since I was 12, I was referred to a therapist who I saw and she referred me to a psychiatrist for medication management in addition to therapy with her. I’ve been in and out of therapy since then, I sometimes get tired of it, I feel like I’ve beat every horse dead and there’s only so many times one can talk about traumatic events. I may not be recovered in a sense that I don’t react in any way when it’s in my face in the news or something, but I’m recovered to where I can maintain healthy relationships and it doesn’t haunt me constantly. I don’t think with the situation like what I’m referring to, you can ever return to before it happened which I often feel like is expected of me in therapy.

    I also have trust issues with therapists. When I was 16, I had a therapist create false memories, and out of that, I lost several years with my dad’s side of the family, caused a lot of pain, and all because of a therapist who guided and shaped my thoughts into believing that my grandpa abused me.

    I’ve regularly seen a psychiatrist since I was 12, only occasional gaps for a few months. I trust psychiatrists easier, and my psychiatrist now I trust completely and he listens to me with what I’m not willing to take, what I’d like to try, if something isn’t working, etc. He also is willing to let anyone go over their time if they need to talk. Not for an hour or anything, but an extra 15, sure.

    Oh, I apologize that I come off sounding like therapy is crap and doesn’t work, I don’t intend to. I just was burnt by one horrible therapist and I also feel like in the 15-16 years of therapy I’ve had, it’s beaten some topics to death.

    Therapy in the beginning was a lifesaver. And DBT with a one-on-one DBT therapist when I was 16 and going off the deep end with acting out and being wild literally saved my ass. Therapy at the times I’ve needed it and been in it (I know when I do need it and I start seeing a therapist) has been wonderful and at times a lifesaver. When I don’t need it and it almost feels like I’m dwelling on the negative and it’s time to move on, that’s when I stop therapy for the time being.

    If your SO is uncomfortable with the idea of couples therapy, you could go on your own. Gain perspective on the relationship with you and your SO’s relationship with help of someone on the outside. Maybe then have him come in for a session periodically.

    Post # 22
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Corgi-cariad:  I am a counselor myself actually (finishing up school, and starting to intern) BUT what is good to know about therapy is that you do not have to have “problems” or an “issue” to go in and work on yourself or your family.  I don’t just toot my horn for counseling because of what I do for a living, BUT I do think that it does help for certain people.

     

     Sometimes it is nice to go talk to someone who does not have any personal stock in your life, someone who is an outsider and can give you an outsiders perspective.  

     

     AND I think it is important to note that it may take time to find the counselor that fits for you (I went through 3 counselors before finding the right fit), and that it may take time to really get to the heart of the “question” you want to talk about. 

     

    I definitely think you should go for it and see what happens.  What is the worse that can happen from it? 🙂

    Post # 23
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I’m a therapist, and individuals/couples come in for all sorts of issues, ranging from relatively mild to really extreme. Some couples I’ve met with needed to learn not to scream at or throw things at each other, while others needed to learn to reconnect or to avoid belittling each other during arguments.

    Couples counseling can be really helpful because the therapist can observe your process and interactions with each other during the session and help you to discuss problems and form plans for adjusting your communication in the future. She/he can also help with some of the issues you noted related to arguing and help you to both create guidelines for arguments that help them to go smoother (heck, just the other day I noted that my partner was cursing at me during a fight and reminded him that this wasn’t in line with our rules of fair fighting. He agreed, and it stopped immediately).

    I’m not familiar with the process for finding mental health professionals in the UK, but if you are able to, shop around and look at the websites for the counselors/psychologists before contacting them to see if you can get a sense of them and what their specialties are (i.e., if they typically work with couples). Good luck!

    Post # 24
    Member
    605 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

    I’ve been in therapy for 6 years (I know, way longer than most people go…. I kind of consider myself a “lifer” because of the severe PTSD I have). I started to look for a therapist when my ex husband and I were starting to see our marriage collapse. Unfortuantely not all therapists are alike and the best match. It took us 4 therapists to finally find the right one… and by that time he had already decided divorce was the only route he wanted.

    That therapist however wanted me to come in solo to make sure I was dealing with my divorce okay (along with dealing with my very traumatic childhood) and I’ve been seeing her ever since.

    Post # 25
    Member
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Corgi-cariad– I’m in the UK (London) I appreciate you are talking about relationship therapy rather than family but I thought I’d share anyway.

    I had therapy at uni when my mother was suicidal and I was trying to study for my finals. I found the process incredibly emtionally draining and went for about 6 weeks. Towards the end of the sessions I started to resent having to go and after they ended I didn’t think it’d done any help.

    However I have found my outlook on a lot of situations a lot clearer since and I really do believe that therapy isn’t a quick over night success. I encourage anyone to go to therapy if they feel they need it and to stick with it even though it might not feel like it’s working at the time.

    The only thing I always say is that don’t expect a therapist to give you the answer. A good therapist will help YOU find the answers within yourself. If you go looking for someone else to give you the answers you’ll already feel like it’s been worthless.

    Post # 26
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’ve been in therapy a few times. When I was about 10 my parents put me in therapy for a while after a man who was building our patio tried to molest me. My babysitter stopped it before anything really happened, but my parents just wanted to be sure I wasn’t emotionally scarred or something. There was nothing to “help” so it didn’t.  Then in high school my mom put me in therapy basically because she didn’t like my boyfriend. I didn’t want to be there, so it wasn’t helpful.

    As an adult, I went into therapy after a “friend divorce” that was particularly hurtful. It was helpful to talk to someone about it. I only went for a few weeks. Then last year I was in therapy for about 8 months. My mom passed away a few years ago and I realized I hadn’t really dealt with a lot of our issues. It was extremely helpful to work out those issues with a therapist. It also happened that during those 8 months my sister went into a coma for a week, two “grandparent type figures” died and my sister started a very high risk pregnancy. Obviously, I couldn’t see all that coming, but it was awesome to have my therapist to talk to during all that. I don’t think I would have come through the big bad awful year nearly as well without her. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    7884 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We currently see a family therapist.  We began because we are a mixed family and sometimes it is hard with step-parenting/child rearing issues.  We also felt we needed a safe place for our 9 year old to vent.we used to go every 2 weeks, but have cut back to once a month now.  We all think it has helped our communication.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’d say overall that ‘counseling’ is more accepted in the US, but there’s still a strong stigma attached to seeing someone regularly, which is just ignorant.  It helps that a lot of churches here require pre-marital counseling of some sort, so it helps encourage the idea that marital counseling is a normal thing. 

    The way I look at it is that it’s a good idea to see a financial advisor, even (or especially) if your finances aren’t in shambles.  Having a professional look things over, offer suggestions, etc can help.  Same thing for a marriage.  Or use the car example.  You bring your car into a mechanic to have it checked over even if there aren’t any serious problems that you see.  A little preventative maintenence wil keep your car going longer, and it’s the same idea for relationships.

    Post # 29
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Sure, I’ve done counseling multiple times.  Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn’t.

    I saw a counselor individually for about 8 months during and after my divorce.  It helped tremendously to have someone to talk to, and it took some burden off my close family and friends. 

    I also attended marriage counseling before my divorce, but it was ultimately a waste of time because my XH was still in his affair, unbeknownst to me.  I also have read that joint counseling is actually a bad idea in abusive relationships, and I definitely found that to be true in mine.  XH was very manipulative and our counselor was not savvy enough to see through him.

    Darling Husband and I did premarital counseling and it was very helpful in reaffirming for us that we had talked through the big issues and were on the same page.

    Post # 30
    Member
    7646 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’ve done personal counseling for anxiety, and before we could get married, we had to go to pre-marital counseling. We decided to do all 5 sessions.

    I think it helped us get some of our long-term fears out on the table and sort the big issues out before we got married. She was able to give us a lot of good ideas and advice on how to communicate on certain issues.

    Post # 31
    Member
    2690 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    When I was a junior in high school I was diagnosed with clinical depression and my parents sent me to see a therapist to help deal with that and my cutting.

    Honestly, it wasn’t helpful, but I think that’s because I didn’t feel like I could trust the therapist and he tried to make all of my problems my parent’s fault, which I knew it wasn’t. I was put on medication that just wiped me out, made me have no emotions and made me sleep all the time. I kept complaining to my therapist but he didn’t do anything about it.

    I stopped going and things got a lot worse. At the time I was also dating an abusive man who made me think that there was something wrong with me. When I finally got out of that, and met my now Fiance I created a much better support system and now I am doing very well. I still struggle with my depression, but I am no longer taking medication or seeking counciling.

    I do reccomend it for others, mostly because I found it helpful to at least talk about what was going on in my life, even if I was frustrated with the outcome.

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