Post # 1
How large was your bridal party?
For some context (and I know this is my decision), but last night, I told my mom that I had decided on 5 bridesmaids – a Maid/Matron of Honor (friend from college), another college friend, a high school friend, and 2 work friends. I would not be including my current SIL (brother’s wife) and future SILs (fiance’s 2 sisters). I am not close with my current SIL, as she lives across the country. I also barely know my future SILs – I’ve only met one of them a handful of times. My mom is upset that I’ve chosen not to include family in the wedding. But I don’t want a large bridal party. She’s suggested that I only have a Maid/Matron of Honor, or I have my Maid/Matron of Honor and then my 3 SILs, or I have my Maid/Matron of Honor, my 3 SILs and then my friends (so 8 total). In her mind, it’s not appropriate to ask my friends and not include my family. What say you, bees?
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
2 was enough for me, no Maid/Matron of Honor, just 2 equal bridesmaids. Not doing any pre-wedding activities so there’s no need for a big crowd, just the 2 people I want to stand with me.
Post # 3
You should do whatever you want, who you include in your wedding party is none of your mom’s business.
I had two bridesmaids my best friend and my husband’s sister.
Post # 4
Agree with hikingbride. My mom also asked me numerous times why I didn’t ask my SIL (brother’s wife) to be in my bridal party, since I had been her bridesmaid–but that was because it was my brother’s wedding. I love my SIL but I really only wanted my closest friends and we don’t talk regularly or anything. Stick to your plan! To be honest if I did it again I probably wouldn’t have bothered with a bridal party at all, but I had 5 as well.
Post # 5
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my Future Sister-In-Law is my bridesmaid. FI’s oldest friend is his Bridesmaid or Best Man and my brother is his Groomsmen. My Brother-In-Law (sister’s husband) will be an usher. So pretty much all family.
We were originally going to just do Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, but when I asked if he would want me to have his sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, we decided to add each other’s siblings also. My Brother-In-Law kind of set us up, he literally told me that I was a perfect match for his friend, my Fiance, the second time he met me. So we wanted to include him and he is also family.
That said, we are older and all of our friendships have stood the test of time and circumstance, so choosing larger wedding parties would have been very, very hard. We also did not want humongous bridal parties, so we went the family route to keep it small and it is working out very well for us.
You absolutely do not need to ask you SIL or FSILs to be in the wedding. You aren’t being rude. You have chosen the people closest to you and don’t second guess yourself.
Post # 6
I had 5. My mom did the same and it was odd because the family she’s was suggesting are people I’m bitching close with at all! I think moms just always want to keep things “in the family.” So say thanks but no thanks and do what you want, that’s what I’m doing! Lol
Post # 7
2 – just my sister and best friend who is almost like a sister. And the reason why is if I added anyone else, it would’ve turned into a really big bridal party. I felt like if I added another best friend then I’d have to add my other 2 best friends, FI’s sister, etc. Instead, we are planning to include those people in different ways to make them hopefully feel special. I am inviting FI’s sister to do her hair and makeup with us and do a reading at the ceremony, then inviting my girlfriends for a champagne toast before the ceremony.
Post # 8
I had 4 & a jr bridesmaid. My Maid/Matron of Honor was my best friend, 2 were cousins (one actually invited herself to be a bridesmaid but that’s another story), 1 was my DH’s stepsister & my jr bm was my 2nd cousin (cousin’s daughter). I had other friends I really wanted to include but they both had been in several weddings that year and I didn’t want to add to that, plus I wanted my brother in the bridal party and only felt it was fair to invite my SIL. Dh’s other sister was asked but she couldn’t afford it & didn’t know if she would be able to come to the wedding.
My mom thought that to be fair I should have asked ALL my female cousins so that would have been three more. No way was I doing that but I did include them all somehow, either through reading or including their children. Our family is pretty close and I felt like I was being fair and even then my mom thought I wasn’t including enough faaaaamily
Post # 9
I had six. My sister (MOH), three close friends, and my two SILs. I had one other really good friend that I had wanted to ask, but felt like six was already a lot, and I wanted to please everyone by including my SILs (my sister was already going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor either way). When it came down to it, my friend that I did not include was more supportive of my relationship with DH, my wedding, shower, bachelorette party and everything than any of my bridesmaids besides my sister. If I could do it over again, she would have been a bridesmaid, and I would have thought long and hard about including my SILs.
Moral of the story – don’t choose your wedding party based off of what anyone else thinks you should do, and don’t change your plan to try and please others. Choose who YOU want.
Post # 10
2. Friends I’ve had for 15 and almost 10 years.
I would never add family members just to have them. If they aren’t my friends there is no point.
Post # 11
I had 4 – my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and my other sister (she was only 14), one of my SILs and my best friend as bridesmaids. DH actually has three sisters, but he and I jointly decided to only ask one of them to be in the bridal party.
Two of my SILs are unmarried – one is engaged – and I would never expect them to ask me to be in their bridal party. We are family because their brother chose to marry me, otherwise we wouldn’t be friends or anything at all. Don’t get me wrong, they’re lovely and I truly enjoy having them in my life, but I fully expect them to ask their sisters and best friends.
In short, ask who you want. Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest, not just because they’re family.
Post # 12
I had 10, all of them friends (one of them is technically my second cousin, but I met her at 18 and is my best friend from college, so she was there as a friend, not family). I don’t have any sisters and my SIL is 42 (I’m 25), so it would have been weird to have her. Where I’m from, bridesmaids are usually friends, so it wasn’t a big deal not to include my cousins.
Post # 13
I had 2 for my first wedding. My ex kept pushing me to have his sister be one, and I said no bc she and I weren’t close. She and I never ended up really getting along, so I’m glad I stuck to my guns. I wanted my two best friends who were guys to be my attendants – ex said no. I gave in and had two friends I wasn’t super close with be my attendants. I regretted that for years. I say stick to your guns about your attendants.
FWIW, I’m having zero attendants this time. Too much drama for my taste the first time.
Post # 14
I had 5 and thought it was the perfect number. You should stand your ground! If you’re not that close with your SILs you shouldn’t feel obligated to include them. I included my fiance’s sister but we’re relatively close and everyone lives in the same city.
Post # 15
You do you. Your mom doesn’t need to get a say in your bridal party and your reasons for not including your SILs are perfectly valid.
FWIW, I did include my Future Sister-In-Law in my bridal party, but that was mainly because I’m extremely close to her. We’re geniune friends.