(Closed) How many chances does he deserve?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1404 posts
Bumble bee

“I think we make good friends; I can’t marry you” 

Believe him when he tells you this.  

Post # 4
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PinkyMcGee:  He is stringing you along. Find someone who doesn’t do this to you and you will have a chance to be happy.

Post # 5
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@PinkyMcGee:  Why would you even want to give him a chance, he told you he couldnt marry you because he thought of you more as friends. I mean, i would NOT wait around on a man who didnt really, really, REALLY want to marry me. Do you really want to give ultimatums for someone who isnt that into you?

Post # 8
9489 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sunflower–girl:  +1

I would believe what he is telling you, “I think we make good friends; I can’t marry you.”  You need to leave him and move on IMO.  No man who truly wants to marry you would ever tell you this.

Post # 9
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Move on. He already has in his mind. 

Sometimes longer relationships are placecards. But at least they teach you things about what you want in a lasting partner. Maybe make a list of all the negative traits he had (obviously put lying, commitment issues, etc.). Think of all the ways he didn’t make you happy. Sometimes it’s easier to see that there are better options out there for you. Everything is a learning experience. 

Post # 10
9640 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@PinkyMcGee:   He has made himself crystal clear.  I don’t mean to be harsh but you aren’t getting the message. 

He doesn’t love you more than as a friend.  He’s using you for sex until the “one” he envisions comes along.

He cares about you but is not in love with you.

He has no intention of marrying you, ever.

He will keep using you as long as you allow him to until the “one” he’s waiting for shows up in his life.

He never asked you for another chance.  So, in essence you aren’t really “giving him chances,” you’re prolonging the inevitable.

Stop torturing yourself, hon.  The right “one” for you will never, ever treat you this way.  Leave the wrong one so you can find him.

Post # 11
7461 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Believe him and focus on med school.  That’s an amazing oppotunity for you!  Yhis guy is just a boat anchor.


You will meet lots of new people in school.

Post # 12
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly it sounds to me like he’s fine with the way things are but doesn’t want a commitment. He’s just too chicken to let you know the truth.

Post # 14
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s about what your priorities are.  If marriage is not negotiable, then he’s already given you his answer multiple times. He doesn’t want to marry you.  Period.  If that’s a deal breaker, then you might as well walk now.  If you love him more than you love the idea of a ring, and you’re happy together, you can choose to abandon the marriage idea and just be happy for as long as things work out.  Nothing wrong with either option, just be sure of which one matters more for you before you decide. 

Post # 15
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

ITA with PPs who say, believe what he’s telling you. He doesn’t think you’re the right girl for him, for whatever reason. Move on.

Post # 16
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah I can’t believe he would blatantly lie about it like that. That says a lot. My guy took a looong time (much longer than 3 years) to be ready for marriage, but he was always honest about it. I’m sorry 🙁 But med school will be a great distraction and you’ll be surrounded by cute pre-doctors!

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