How many childfree bees do we have around here?

posted 1 year ago in Family
  • poll: Are you childfree?
    Hells yeah, Bee!! It's a childfree life for me! : (93 votes)
    50 %
    Nope, proud Mama/Papa! : (25 votes)
    14 %
    Nope. We plan to have kids eventually. : (56 votes)
    30 %
    I am, but not by choice. : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    1240 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    j_jaye :  That makes much more sense. I totally misinterpreted her comment! Never mind, BalletParker : , j_jaye answered my question!

    Post # 77
    Member
    11535 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    franklymydearidont :  thank you for your kind reply and right back at you 🙂 sorry for the confusion, I meant the No Kids name, as 

    j_jaye :  pointed out, not the title of this post. 

    ETA lol I got to the next late and see this has been resolved👋

    Post # 78
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee

    happybbbeee :  I’m so with you I have a huge family and I think through that you get to see the reality of parenting that others might not before they have kids!

    Post # 79
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m 35 and childfree forever. My husband got a vasectomy while we were dating and I was okay with it. I sometimes wonder what a child would look like if we had one. But money wise it is so hard to pay the bills and try to go back to school. I also do a lot of overtime for money. I can’t imagine adding a child to that picture.

    If this were the 50’s and people could afford to have one parent at home I would like a child or two. But my husband and I could never afford that today.

    It’s super annoying when co-workers and others ask when we’re going to have kids. I’ve tried being honest with some saying that my husband had a procedure and we don’t want kids. They start telling me I picked the wrong guy, I need to find somebody else, they feel bad for me, that it’s my fault, that I’m crazy….WTF? It’s my life thank you and I can make my own decisions. It’s not even any of their business.

    I won’t be sharing that with anyone ever again. I just wish they would stop asking.

    Post # 80
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I genuinely don’t know. Part of me wants kids but a bigger part is terrified of the idea. I love our life. I want to keep travelling and being us. I don’t want it ruined. I’m way too selfish right now for a kid. If it happens, it happens but I can’t see us trying actively to have one. I never wanted kids or only recently started wavering. 

    Everyone I know wants kids which sucks when I’m the only one who is so hesitant. 

    Post # 81
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I am not having children. I was very straight up with my Fiance when we got together about this stance as he is 7 years older than me and realised he may be thinking about these things in the near future. He was surprised and a little upset but decided his happiness was more important than any potential future kids. He said he had wanted them if situation was right, married, settled, financially stable etc but it’s my body, my decision ultimately. 

    As things progressed I found out the reason he was upset was because his older sister cannot have children and has adopted. He has another sister, but he is the only guy. His mother was heartbroken when it came up and grilled me for my reasoning and even tried to guilt me because his sister physically can’t. My own mother has never questioned it. 

    I do sometimes worry he will change his mind and want children, but then we will talk about other kids we know and I know he’s against it. 

    Post # 82
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee

    chelbell23 :  This is my life. I have 2, fiancee has 2 and I teach 5th grade. That said I’ll be 44 when the youngest graduates high school unless we are crazy enough to have another so even though I love our kids I’m looking forward to my 40s lol.

    Post # 83
    Member
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee

    CFBC here.  I’ve known since puberty I never wanted kids, and know that I’m in my 40s the random “bingos” are finally starting to stop, thankfully. 

    We are a same sex couple so fortunately we haven’t had to worry about birth control failure, but the ‘lesbian baby boom’ has been rough.  You wouldn’t believe how many cis-het people that we barely know have felt the urge to tell us that “lesbians can have kids, you know.  My uncle’s neighbor’s cousin is a lesbian and she and her partner went to the sperm bank. You could do that, too!”

    My SO wanted kids at a younger age but it never happened and she realizes now it wouldn’t have been the right path for her. I suspect that she just assumed she would have them as that seems to be default and it took her a while to consider she didn’t have to have kids.  

    We have reached a point where most of the people we know have either had kids or are actively trying (often at high financial cost… IVF, etc) and it’s been a challenge in terms of friendships.  

     

    Post # 84
    Member
    11095 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    BalletParker :  

    I don’t see people really using this board productively until the name is changed to CFBC and the description is edited to clarify that the board is about people who are truly child free.  Not, someday in the future, I’ll have kids, or fence sitters.

    We’re a unique lot.  And we get attacked from a lot of directions.  We certainly don’t need to be harassed by the Militant Mommies right here on our own board.

    Post # 85
    Member
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Jumping back in here to comment on a few key points brought up by other PP with regard to a dedicated (and clearly defined) CFBC board:

    1. There is a HUGE difference between being Child Free By Choice (CFBC) and “we don’t want kids now or for the next X years, but we’ll probably have some later”. I’m a bit of a Militant CFBC-er in that opinion. 

    2. If someone is UNSURE if they want kids or not (aka fence-sitters), and want to hear real life perspectives from CBFC bees, then a CFBC board might be a good resource. 

    3. Someone who wants kids eventually might not benefit much from a CFBC board. Just like a CFBC-er would not gain much from the TTC/POAS board. ***

    4. Calling it “No Kids” is confusing and leads to a board overrun by parents. CFBC bees are again left with no safe place to gather as a community.  

    5. And finally, I have never clicked on the “No Kids” board (see #4), but I do have times when I would really benefit from the support and insight of fellow CFBC bees. 

    *** I’m not saying that people need to “stay in their lane” per se, but if you’re exploring something new, be courteous and respectful about it. Don’t incite drama or make disparaging remarks. 

    OP, sorry for thread-jacking!! embarassed

    Post # 87
    Member
    338 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s a real shame that there is no proper CFBC space. I don’t know anyone personally that is CFBC (other than my FH) so it would be great to be able to have proper discussions with other like-minded people.

    Post # 89
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2019 - Canadian Rockies

    There are some group pages on F.  B. that I’ve found enjoyment in 🙂

    Post # 90
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee

    We are child free but I am a proud mum of a special needs cat, Seti/ Ceddie. He is very much like our child. He is very close to us. I and my fiance have thought of  bringing a human brother or sister to Seti by birth or adoption. We are not ready now. We may never be. We are in no hurry to make a decision.

     

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