Post # 1
Hello! Since I don’t usually drink, I just needed an honest opinion about this. How many drinks is considered normal for a wedding guest? I’m only asking because my parents and I have recently celebrated my sister’s wedding. I brought my fiance along, and my parents were “shocked” that he had 2 drinks before the ceremony and one more drink during cocktail hour. He wasn’t drunk, although I could tell that he was pretty sleepy, since excitement for attending the wedding had kept him up for much of the previous night.
Now my mom is freaking out that he’s going to turn into an abusive alcoholic because of this and is devastated because she’s worried that he had embarrassed her in front of her friends, even though from what I saw, he wasn’t doing anything out of line. Every time I saw him between doing bridesmaids duties, he was talking to other guests and having fun with friends. But things got so bad between my mom and I over this that she had flown into a full-blown screaming rage at me the day of the wedding for taking his side on this, which I feel like she has blown it completely out of proportion.
Post # 2
Your mom needs to mind her own fucking business. She sounds really controlling if she started screaming at you AT YOUR SISTERS WEDDING over 3 drinks someone else had.
Thank you for standing up for your fiance. Your mom sounds toxic, sorry bee. I’d be worried how she’d react at your own wedding =\
Post # 3
theteacherbee : well, by your mom’s standards, I’m a raging alcoholic!!! Lol. In all seriousness, 3 drinks is nothing!! I’m sorry she made such a big deal over it. Does she get along with your fiancée otherwise? I get the sense she was just trying to find something to be upset with him about and this was the best she can come up with.
Post # 4
Your mom is massively overreacting and overstepping in my opinion. Has she never been around people who drink before?
A wedding is a celebration and the amount your SO had to drink doesn’t sound like it it cause for concern. It’s not as if he usually smashes 3 drinks out before midday. The accusation that he will become abusive never mine an alcoholic are insane and your mom needs to back off.
Post # 5
HuffPo says: “unless your crowd consists of really heavy, or really light, drinkers, a good rule is two to three drinks per person for the cocktail hour and one drink each per hour after that.” https://www.huffpost.com/entry/wedding-bar-guide-how-muc_n_3634842
Your mom sounds controlling as hell and a tad nuts as well. Has she never been to a wedding before? She should see my family!
Post # 6
Your mother sounds unhinged. Three drinks–and spaced out drinks at that–is not abnormal or too much for an adult male. I don’t know how you should deal with your mother since she’s clearly not capable of actually being rational about this, so you can’t explain anything to her rationally and expect that to work.
I would just distance myself from her and from the conversation, at least until she gets over it on her own, but I always distance myself from people who exhibit an unwillingness to engage life rationally. Maybe talk to her after a while and let her know that you will be taking your husband’s side as a general rule in your marriage (unless he’s wildly out of line or wrong), and she’s going to have to come to terms with that.
Post # 7
I think the concerning part is that he seems to have downed the first two awfully fast if it was right before the ceremony, assuming it was within the same hour. Since ceremonies usually don’t go over one hour, potentially he had 3 drinks in almost one hour. Normally, people don’t start drinking until after the ceremony.
To be honest, I would be concerned too, not by how drunk he got, but how quickly he got to that point if that makes sense. I would much rather someone have 5 drinks over the course of the night and be buzzed all the time rather than 3 drinks in first two hours (before food too) and then be sleepy/visibly affected before everyone else. By the end of the night usually people have had a few and everyone is having a good time.
Post # 8
Oh my…I had 3 drinks before my own 2:30 pm ceremony! A mimosa and glass of champagne getting ready, then another glass in the limo down…
I didn’t keep track once dinner and the reception hit. I feel like you are right to support your fiance in this.
Post # 9
My feeling is that she is likely projecting and is upset about something else. For some reason she is just targeting this and venting here. It literally makes no sense unless this was a teatotalling wedding and he snuck in drinks (which is clearly not the case), so that’s the best explanation I have. I would just hit ignore and let her run herself out. Hopefully she will return to her senses when whatever is bothering her passes.
Post # 10
theteacherbee : wow. I think I’d usually have 6-8 drinks on a wedding day, between say the ceremony and end of reception and I’m not drunk, just a tiny bit tipsy at the end of the night.
Is this a trigger for your mum usually?
Either way – she is incredibly out of line.
Post # 11
OP has already said he was tired because he didn’t sleep well the night before, not because he was drunk so he wasn’t “visibly affected”.
With regards to drinking before the ceremony, he is family and OP was a bridesmaid, many bridal parties have a drink or two before the ceremony, it really isn’t that abnormal. All OP said is that be had 2 drinks before, and one during the cocktail hour so you actually have no idea if he had “3 drinks in almost one hour”, I’m assuming that “before the ceremony” doesn’t mean downing 2 drinks in the ten minute before but actually over the course of the late morning and afternoon – which to many people is actually part of the whole celebration.
Post # 12
theteacherbee : hmmmm are you 100% sure he only had the 3 drinks? Could your mom have seen otherwise?
Post # 13
theteacherbee : Ha! 2-3 drinks? Thats barely starting the evening…a good average for people to have fun and feel relaxed could range 2-6 drinks DEPENDING on if its beer, or hard liquor, just moderrate so theres little chance of getting sloppy drunk.
Post # 14
theteacherbee : are your parents normally like this? Very strict about drinking?
If he wasnt making a fool of himself (which 100% sounds like he wasn’t) I honestly wouldnt even be entertaining this conversation with my mom.
1. It is creepy that she watched him and counted his drinks. That also makes me think that she had some issues with him before this and is using this as an excuse to blow things up.
2. Everyone has a difference tolerance level based on height, weight, how often you drink, what you are drinking etc. 3 drinks over a few hours is not over the top for anyone.
Post # 15
Your mother is an idiot. 3 drinks at a wedding hardly qualifies someone as an alcoholc. But starting a big scene at your daughter’s wedding definitely qualifies you as a real pain in the ass.