How Many Drinks Is Too Much?

posted 7 months ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“But after a while, he hit it off with the groomsmen and other guests who had arrived at the venue, so between noon and the 2:30pm ceremony, he had his first two drinks (his usual whiskey with gingerale), followed by his third drink at around 4pm.”

I find it sad that your Fiance had to explain to you exactly when, why, and where he had 3 drinks at a wedding. Instead of questioning him to decide whether he is an alcoholic — since you know that he isn’t — please stand up to your mother and defend him. My parents like to make comments about my drinking even though they are not religious and like a glass of wine or beer themselves on occassion. When the waiter poured me my first glass of red wine at my wedding reception, my dad remarked, “how many is that?” I think I said something like, “20,” and moved on (it wasn’t really 20!). However, they know a hell of a lot better than to comment on my husband’s drinking (he drinks a modest amount and there is no cause for concern) becaus they know that I would not tolerate that shit.

Post # 62
Member
3273 posts
Sugar bee

 mimivac :  <<<—- this!

Post # 63
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

but my mom has been consulting many resources to try to cause me to doubt that this relationship will ever work out (with star charts and fortune tellers being among them, as crazy as it may sound)

So, I don’t know what religion your mom is but I know that most monotheistic religions aren’t too keen on psychics/astrology/etc. Your fiance can’t drink but she can consult psychics? 

Note: I’m all for psychics/astrology but I know from growing up that certain religions forbid going to them. 

Post # 64
Member
1097 posts
Bumble bee

Why are you confused? I don’t understand why you don’t trust your own judgement. You were there. You admit you saw that he was fine even though your mom claimed he was staggering around. What is there to be confused about??

Tell your mom to back the fuck off. If she wants a relationship with you at all, she’s gonna have to lighten up and take her judgement somewhere else. Stop trying to convince her about anything- it’s a waste of time and you’re enabling her Holier than Thou attitude theteacherbee :  

Post # 65
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You need to set boundaries with her! For some reason, possibly her anxiety, she is convinced all these horrible things that have happened to other people are going to happen to you and your relationship. You need to tell her, mom, I’m happy and engaged and you need to stop your cristicism of my fiancé and my relationship. I won’t listen to it. It’s disrespectful to my relationship and future marriage. If she criticizes him in any way don’t engage that just adds fuel, leave the room or hang up the phone. End the conversation. Walk away. 

He and you have nothing to prove to her! Engaging her in her behavior only makes it worse!

Post # 66
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Uh your mum is the crazy and manipulative one..

I’ve gotten vomit drunk at a wedding (the vomiting came after I got home), the bride drank a whole bottle of red herself, another wedding I went to the groom passed out in their bathroom after (and bride thought it was hilarious and took a photo lol). People drink at weddings, people let loose at weddings. 3 drinks does not even come close, it’s perfectly socially acceptable at a wedding, or anywhere really… Like if I had 3 drinks, it doesn’t even hit me the slightest, you wouldn’t even know I’d been drinking. 

I think it’s time to cut your mum off / distance yourself, and not ask her for her opinion on anything about your relationship anymore. Her “exception” for your brother in law says it all. She was willing to overlook his drinking because he’s rich…riiiiggghhhtt…

Post # 67
Member
6649 posts
Bee Keeper

Just read all the updates. I feel sorry for your Fiance. 

If you can’t believe your own experience with him and have his back then let him go. He does not deserve to be subjected to your mother’s crazy. 

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