Post # 1
I recently was engaged (9/10/14 during our vacation in Europe!) and as I start the planning process, I am having anxiety over who to ask to be maid of honor and bridesmaids.
I have TWO sisters (both are married, I was the maid of honor in one and the other had a small wedding without a wedding party) and I have my best friend, who I recently was the maid of honor for. Would it be silly to have three matrons of honor? Should I limit it to one and give my sisters a new title such as “sister of honor”? Sisters over friends?
On another note… my Fiance and I both have many people who we are close with. Some in the past, some in the present and it is loking like we are going to have a HUGE bridal party. Due to groups of friends I could have as many as 11 bridesmaids (including MOHs), could narrow it done to 8-9 or could go as low as 6-7. My concern is hurting my girlfriends’ feelings. My Fiance is flexible with the number on his side.
In your experience, how many bridesmaids have you had? Was it a good amount and negatives or positives (from the bride’s standpoint- I have been in several wedding parties and can relate to a bridesmaids point of view, but it totally changes when you’re the bride)!
Post # 2
i had 4. i dont like odd numbers just for pictures sake. so i kind of wanted to ask another one of my friends but figured if i asked one more i would have to ask another just to have it even. but i got to thinking about it and 6 was WAY too many. i didnt like the idea of having so many people in the bridal party
Post # 3
I could’ve had a giant wedding party because I have a lot of girls I am close with – high school friends, college roommates, grad school friends, family. I decided to limit my wedding party to family only for that reason. My friends were wonderful and totally understood. I have 5 now, and I wouldnt want any more. It seriously adds up when you consider gifts for these girls, bouquets (crazy expensive!!), them and their dates for the rehearsal, if you are paying for hair or makeup, etc. I think 6 or 7 is the most I would ever even consider because once you start putting that many cooks in the kitchen, there is bound to be drama. And I am of the opinion you should have 1 maid of honor. The other girls will understand. If you pick 3 MOHs, there will be 3 people who want to be in charge which is a recipe for disaster. At best, I would pick both your sisters and just make your friend a bridesmaid. At least the sisters can fight it out amongst themselves.
Post # 4
lizardwilson: I had a chief bridesmaid/maid of honour, 3 adult bridesmaids, and 1 junior bridesmaid. It was a pretty large number for the size of the wedding, but there was no way I wasn’t having those 4 girls as bridesmaids (the junior one was OH’s youngest cousin and was a way of including his side of the family). I’d think very carefully about having a large number: I found it difficult organising dress fittings for example (I had to go with them in 2 lots, on 2-3 occasions ie 5 or 6 trips), and on the day I felt it was the perfect number; I’d have been quite overwhelmed I think with 10 people plus the photographer, plus the hair and make-up people.. It’s also expensive: we spent over 2k on flowers/dresses/gifts/’getting ready’ robes etc.
Post # 5
You can totally have as many MOHs as you want! I had three bridesmaids total, 2 were Maids of Honor (my bff and my sister) and one was my Matron of Honor (my married bff). They’re all very special to me and I wanted them to each have the title. It’s your wedding, you can do what you want!
Post # 6
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
I’m having four, three bridesmaids and one maid of honor. This is a nice number for me, and personally I think five is the absolutely biggest I would go, but four seems like a comfortable number and I love all the ladies I chose. That being said, I feel like the number of girls you choose is a personal choice, and I think it’s all a matter of just how important it is to you to have all these girls involved, or if you can still have just as good a time with some of them as regular guests.
Post # 7
lizardwilson: Just remember the more you have the more drama and costs. Most friends will totally understand if you go with just your BFF and your sisters (and many will be relieved!)
Post # 8
I had four and that was my utmost top limit. If I did it again, I would even consider cutting one or replacing her. For every person you add, you add another bit of potential drama, and at least one head ache. You will need to corridinate around everyone’s schedule, price points, and level of willingness to participate. There is no one day that is going to work for 11 people for things like dress shopping, bridal shower, and bachlorett party. I also hate to say this, but 11 people are just not going to like all of eachother.
And even if every one likes eachother, and they find the perfect day to fit everyone’s schedule, you are going to be corrdinating 22 people (assuming matching sides) 22 people to show up on time, to have somewhat matching out fits. Each will ask you at least 10 questions about what they can wear, even the most relaxed. It is also 22 people to get gifts for, which gets costly. It’s at best controled chaos, at worst will leave most people in tears. I say this from experience of watching people coordinate 10 per side wedding party. At least 5 couldn’t make the rehersal, hair and makeup the morning of was a nightmare, they lost one bridal party member for the first 30 minutes of pictures.
I don’t think you will offend any girlfriend by choping down to the three girls that you want to be co-matrons/maids of honor. I would then just not have a maid/matron of honor. Its wonderful to be asked to be in a persons wedding, but I will be honest about being happy that I think I have been in second to last wedding. If someone asks why they weren’t picked, just say that you were keeping the numbers and cost under control, and you can’t wait to see them at your wedding!
Post # 9
goodness. I don’t think I have 11 girlfriends let alone 11 I’d want to have in my wedding party! I’m having 5 which I already think is too many. I wanted one, but my bf said I needed to include others. So I upped it to 4… now it’s at 5, he is pushing for 6 so he can ask all of the people he wants on his side. have as many as you see fit, but just consider the logistics. you may need 3 limos to include everyone!
Post # 10
I am having two. I have a lot of close friends (like 7 I could have included) and no sisters/cousins so it was hard to pick but in the end I’m glad I just chose two and even that was enough drama for me!
Post # 11
Keep in mind that your bridal party is a line item in your wedding budget. If you have 11 girls in your party that is 11 gifts and 11 bouquets AND 22 seats at your rehearsal dinner as they should be invited with their SO/FI/DH. You still haven’t included his side for the Rehearsal Dinner yet. If he has 11, that is a total of 44 Rehearsal Dinner guests not counting you guys or your families. Who is hosting your RD? Will they agree to host that many people?
If you can afford it, have at it. I kinda think it looks like a bit much but it’s your wedding and your budget. Good luck!
Post # 12
lizardwilson: My Fiance has 9 groomsmen and I had 7 bridesmaids. I feel like we had a ridiculously large bridal party (he wanted 14 at one point!). The larger it is, the harder it is to wrangle and plan events with everyone! I would try to keep it to 8-9 per side.
Post # 13
I had two because I wanted the people who stood next to me on such an important day to be women that would be in my life forever. I chose my sister and my sister-in-law. I think anything over 5-6 is way too many. Think about having to buy all those bridal party gifts! Don’t worry about hurting other people’s feelings. It’s your wedding. If you want 4 bridesmaids, pick the four women you are closest to. And you can have as many “Matron of Honors” as you want.
Post # 14
I had 4 total girls. It was the perfect amount for me. I’m glad I didn’t ask anyone else, as PP has said it gets VERY expensive the more girls you ask to be in the wedding. Plus also consider your bridesmaid’s personalities. I did not have any drama with my girls because I knew they were all low key, go with the flow type, and can get along with anyone. However, we all know that is not always the case.
Post # 15
lizardwilson: Less is more. The less you have, the less reason the left-out girls have to complain. (Not to mention less drama, less to co-ordinate, etc). I only had 2: my sister, and my best friend since I was 10. No one could argue with either choice, so there could be no hurt feelings. In terms of a limit, I think over 6 gets a bit crowded, though some people make it work.
The problem I see for you is you have 3 “certain” girls (BFF and 2 sisters), and lots of “maybe” girls. If you only have 3, you avoid the problem of which other girls to include or leave out. All these other girls can still be invited to your bachelorette and wedding, and even be in some special photos; they’re just not bridesmaids.
Also if you have trouble picking a Maid/Matron of Honor, you could do away with the title and call them all bridesmaids.