(Closed) How many is TOO many?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

p.s. I notice from the web address, that this is the 13th time this exact question has been asked. A common problem!

Post # 17
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

11 bridesmaids is a nightmare waiting to happen. Try to go with 6 including ONE MoH, and 4 would be even better.

Post # 18
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I had two guys because my closest friends are guys and I had the least dramatic bridal party experience ever despite my GOH being several thousand miles away for all of the wedding planning.

H on the other hand originally had a guy and a girl, then the girl had to drop out and couldn’t even make the wedding, so he asked his sister who told him she’d think about it and never got back to him. Eventually he ended up with a second guy who was really great. I found out the reason he didn’t ask the second guy in the first place was because he’s an identical twin and H felt he’d have to ask both of them even though he’s closer to the one who eventually was in the party. 

In all we had 6 different people total in the bridal party at one point or another even though only four stood up. Coordinating that many people was headache enough I really wouldn’t have more than 4 on your side if I were you. In fact I’d probably go with just your sisters and best friend.

Post # 19
510 posts
Busy bee

I was one of twelve bridesmaids in a wedding recently — and I loved it!! It was a ton of fun and all the moments felt like a party. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it, but there were literally no downsides.

I’ve been a bridesmaid in a small bridal party too. The intimacy was great.

There are pros and cons to both, but coming from someone who thought 12 was absolutely ridiculous until the weekend of… Don’t knock it til you try it!! If you want 11, go with 11.

Post # 20
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

We each have 8 and I couldn’t shrink the number if I even tried, haha. I know without a doubt that I want all my best friends + sisters up there with me on my big day. Unfortunately, we are currently all in graduate programs all across the country so it is difficult to plan for days like showers and bachelorette parties where everyone can be in attendance. However, I would have the same issue with even four bridesmaids (all being in attendance I mean) so at least with 8 BM’s I’m more likely to have a greater number of girls who can make it to events. There’s been zero conflict/difficulties so far and one of the things that helps is making them all feel like they have a part in the planning process (whether it’s through pinterest, emails etc).

Post # 21
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

lizardwilson:  I’ve now been in two weddings that had nine attendents on each side (18 althogether!). One of my best friends was in a wedding with 13 BMs. I’ve also been in weddings with super small bridal parties.

I think if those are the people you want to stand up with you, than it doesn’t really matter the number, it’s who you want by your side when you get married.

HOWEVER, I think you should choose wisely and not just pick this person because she was your best friend when you were 10. The first wedding I was in with 9 girls, the bride could not for the life of her imagine her wedding without all of us by her side. The second wedding I was in with 9 girls, the bride later expressed regrets about asking at least 4 of the girls. She asked two of them because she had been friends with them since elementary school… but not only had they grown apart, they were super selfish for the entire process leading up to the wedding. Which led to a lot of unnecessary drama.

Post # 23
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

i had 7 and they were all AMAZING and gorgeous! xxx

Post # 24
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

lizardwilson:  This is the type of thing where whatever works in your situation is what works in your situation. Some are going to tell you eleven is too many, some are going to say seven is too many, some are going to say two is too many! It’s all about personal preference. I have eight bridesmaids and my best friend is our officiant. Had she declined to be our officiant, I would have had nine. I don’t feel like I could cut it down anymore than I did. I even opted out of asking a friend whose wedding I had just been in in November because I didn’t want nine bridesmaids. Is eight a lot? Yeah, at times, but at other times no. I’ve gotten so many comments that I have too many bridesmaids and I should have cut someone out–as if it’s that simple, as if chopping out one childhood best friend is that easy. I couldn’t imagine not having these ladies stand by my side when I get married.

Honestly, do what’s best for you. You’re going to get such varying answers from this, that you’ll have to just come to a decision on your own anyways. 

Post # 25
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Obviously everyone is different, but I had 3 total (including my MOH) and I thought it was great.  Mind you I was on a tight budget and had a total guestlist of 50 (including the wedding party).

I mostly loved that all 3 girls were an intimate part of the entire process.  They all came to help me dress shop, they all came over a couple times to help me with DIY’s, they all came to my hair and makeup trials with me, etc, etc.  They were always available and it was just enough opinions withhout being over bearing.  And yes, gifts add up fast.  Also, that’s a lot of bridesmaids for your family to watch walk down the aisle when all they really care about is you.

Just my personal opinion, but I think more than 5 gets to be excessive.

Post # 26
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

lizardwilson:  i am always the exception to the rule…and i pride myself on that 😉 i am also extremely laid back and so the potential “drama” or issues that others have mentioned here that a wedding party can cause was not an issue or concern for me…but that also might have something to do with my age? we were married in may – i’m 33 and my youngest bridesmaid was 29 at the time.

i had 9 bridesmaids (1 maid of honor, 1 matron of honor) and 8 groomsmen. to avoid dress drama i allowed them to choose whatever dress they wanted (long/short/silk/chiffon/lace/strapless/halter/WHATEVER) as long it was a variation of mint green and shoes – whatever they wanted as long as they were a variation of brown (heels/flats/flipflops/boots/WHATEVER) and i let them do their hair/makeup however they wanted (there was a pro onsite and available, or they could do it themselves). i literally had no one run late or not show up. no complaints…nothing negative. it was awesome and super easy and fun. i know not everyone will be this lucky, but all was great for me! please excuse the photo quality 🙂 just don’t think you have to adhere to a certain number to appease some societal expectation. do what you want. its YOUR DAY!

Post # 27
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I just whent through this exact same issue so I totally understand where you are coming from! From the start before I was even engaged I knew I had 7 girls I wanted to stand with me. 2 MOHs (Matron/Maid) who we have all 3 been best friends since elementary and STILL remain just as close, 2 BFFs from junior high/high school one of which I was in her wedding and we are all still close, 2 from college days/sorority and bartending, and then one who become a best friend just recently within the last 3 years but she actually helped my Fiance plan the engagement and videoed it! So I came to the point where I had 3 other girls I wanted to ask…. but I was like um 11 is WAY too much and would personally make me CRAZY lol. So I ended up asking one more girl who has been there since my Fiance and I became a couple (and before) and who I knew wouldn’t be any added stress whatsoever, she is wonderful! The other two are helping me in the wedding and I am actually paying them a little to do jobs they are amazing at rather than hiring some professional! One girl is my planner/decorator and the other one is doing our make up! Think about what your girls are good at, what they excel in, and what they enjoy doing as maybe hobbies. The two girls I asked to do those tasks are thrilled and more than happy to be of assistance! It’s something to think about, they can be involved and recognized, maybe just not as a BM! Good luck

Post # 28
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My sister had 8 bridesmaids / maid of honours (she didn’t want to draw the line between these two titles) and said it was a nightmare because it’s really hard to coordinate such a large group. And most likely there is at least few persons who won’t have anything to do with the wedding planning and then you end up feeling a little betrayed. Or at least she felt so and so would I.

So I ended up having a bridal party of 3; 1 moh and 2 bridesmaids. I was cooncearned how my sister would react if I didn’t include her as bridesmaid but then I decided just to talk her about it and she was fine with it. She said that she’s already my sister and no one can beat that (and she has to get to come for the dress shops haha), so no need for a ‘formal wedding title’. 

Post # 29
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I have 6 bridesmaids and 2 Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m kind of regretting it now. Lol It’s definitely a lot more work and expensive. Crazy thing is I always said I didn’t want a huge bridal party but look at me now. I think 4 is a good number. 

Post # 30
45 posts

I’m only having 3 bridesmaids and I think it’s the perfect amount for me :).  They’re all very close to me and none of my other friends were upset.  My Future Sister-In-Law had I think 6 or 7 bridesmaids and she said it was stressful and drama filled so personally I would recommend going with fewer people in the bridal party.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  nik2015.

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