Post # 1
I know it’s popular in the Bee to say that you can’t have a pre-wedding event (like a shower, bach party, engagement party etc.) unless someone throws it for you, and that if they don’t offer, you can’t ask someone to. But just wanted to go out on a limb and poll the Bee to ask: how many of you actually had someone throw you these things? And alternatively, if they didn’t, did you still throw something yourself?
Asking because in my circle I’ve noticed that friends and family live all over the country and have their own lives – if the bride doesn’t make clear to the bridal party or Maid/Matron of Honor that she would like something, no one usually volunteers to plan anything. Hence, I’ve seen it be more and more common for the bride to plan her own luncheon, engagement party, bachelorette, etc. Usually this means no gifts expected and the bride pays her own way for her share just like everyone else (more pertinent if it is a weekend getaway trip), or if it’s local, then the bride/couple can host to relieve costs on others.
Anyway, curious to know what happened in your case!
Post # 2
Sorry UPDATE – I don’t mean “official” pre-wedding events like rehearsal dinners, welcome drinks, or anything the day before. Just things like showers, bach parties, engagement parties, luncheons, etc.
Post # 3
My family and friends are spread out all over the country so any shower or bachelorette party would have involved a lot of people traveling. At one point someone mentioned a bachelorette and I said it wasn’t worth everyone trying to figure out schedules and flying. So I didn’t have any pre-wedding parties. I never would have thrown one for myself.
Post # 4
I wasn’t planning on having any pre-wedding parties due to us not having a traditional wedding (intimate ceremony with a big party the next day), but my sister wanted to do a bachelorette party so she took the lead on that and involved me with some of the decision making on it.
We did not do an engagement party or bridal shower.
Most of the people I know have thrown their own engagement parties, in my circle no one brings gifts apart from like a bottle of wine or something small to say congrats on the engagement so I think in this case it’s fine to throw their own party.
I think it would be weird to throw a shower for yourself since those are meant to be gift giving events… although my friend did just throw her own baby shower which is a gift giving event and no one really seemed to care, but our group doesn’t really get upset over things like that (not following traditional etiquette).
Post # 5
It’s hardly tactful to give a gift-giving party for yourself.
Post # 6
I threw my own engagement party because I was really happy and wanted my family to meet his family. We had it at my mom’s house so technically I think she hosted it but I was the one who made the decorations, made the invites, bought the cake, ordered the food. It was awesome and I’m glad I did it bc had I not, it wouldn’t have been done. In my circle of family, I was the first to get married and there was no precedent for what to do or who did what. I can’t remember if we received gifts, I think it would have been flowers and wine.
My godmother offered to host my bridal shower and that was real nice of her but I also involved myself in that by telling her who I wanted to invite, what I wanted the theme to be, I made the invites etc. This is when I got gifts from people and made a registry.
My Maid/Matron of Honor hosted my bachelorette party which was just corralling all our friends together for dinner, drinks and dancing downtown. She knew I liked a particular theme so she went out and made it happen. I made invites for it though.
My husband and I put together the whole rehearsal dinner and were going to pay for it but then my mom’s husband at the time swooped in and paid for it without our knowledge at the end of the night. So super super nice of him and he wouldn’t let us pay him back. We decorated the venue, we came up with the dinner, did the invites, made the itinerary… All that.
I guess you can see I enjoy making stationery 😂
Post # 7
I think it’s fine to throw a party for yourself unless it’s one where you’re expecting gifts. If you just want to celebrate with people then that’s totally okay. I know friends who have organized their own engagement parties (not gift giving) and bachelorette parties. My friends organized a bachelorette party for me, and one friend asked if I wanted a shower, but I said no to the shower and yes to the bachelorette. I think more and more people get married later in life so people don’t really need the shower gifts anymore.
Post # 8
right, that’s why I specified “usually this means no gifts expected” in my post.
Post # 9
Yes exactly same! I was the first one of my friends to get married so honestly they didn’t do anything because there was no precedent and they lived all over the country and didn’t know each other. So I just took the lead on throwing our own engagement party. A few people brought gifts, but we certainly did not expect them to and did not do a registry or anything for it.
Also haha stationary is so pretty! I love looking at invitations <3
Post # 10
makes sense :). I’ve seen a lot of weekend getaway bachelorette parties lately where they pick some city in the middle of the country that is somewhat accessible from everyone (like Nashville, Chicago, etc.). But yeah honestly I don’t really expect those to actually pan out unless the bride herself does the bulk of the planning or takes the initiative, or nudges / asks the Maid/Matron of Honor to take the initiative.
Post # 11
agreed on the gift giving, that doesn’t make sense to throw something yourself that is openly about gift giving. But whenever you have any sort of party, people tend to bring something like wine or food usually, or maybe a small gift like a cake knife or a wedding planning book. But definitely not proper to make a registry for.
Post # 12
I didn’t get any… all my people live 2000 miles away (or 900 for the in-laws). I’d have liked a shower, I’m greedy like that, but such is life. I guarantee had I been closer, my bestie and sister would have thrown one for me without my asking. Regarding the others – I think engagement parties are pointless and never knew anyone who had one. Bachelorettes don’t interest me.
Post # 13
I had a bridal shower two months beforehand which was mostly family friends and close friends. I also had a bachelorette the weekend before. There were five of us (me, two sisters and two friends) and we went on a day trip to the mountains. We ate great food, went to the botanical gardens and had a massage. It was lovely.
Post # 14
I had a bridal shower that my mom and sisters threw me about a month before the wedding. They planned the whole thing! My maid of honor planned a bachelorette weekend celebration as well as a smaller local evening party. No one offered to throw us an engagement party and while parties are fun, we didn’t feel the need to have one as it’s not common where we live.
Post # 15
We didn’t have any because we eloped. Which honestly was one of the big plusses to eloping as I didn’t want any of that stuff.