(Closed) How many of you moved into HIS house?

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
80 posts
Worker bee

I moved in with my SO after a month of dating, into his one bedroom apartment. I had my own reservations (mainly, that I would be left homeless if it didn’t work out between us), but we’ve been living together now for five months and honestly it gets better every day. I’m not suggesting that everyone’s relationship is the same, but if you don’t give it a shot you will never know. 

Post # 4
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First off, I know it’s hard. I moved into my FI’s house as well. What really helped me was that we did a lot of redecorating when I moved in. I also brougt in a lot of my own furniture so that it wasn’t all his. For example, I had a nicer bedroom set, so that’s now in our bedroom instead of what he had. We also went through our kitchen stuff and combined. The house needed some upgrading, so there’s been painting and overall changes in aesthetics. 

As for your cats, give it a chance. I moved in with 2 cats and he has a large Malamute who has been KNOWN to be aggresive to small animals. Neither of us would budge on our animals. I initially blocked off our office using a baby gate (I got a tall one that dog couldn’t jump and then raised it up so the cats could slip underneath). Eventually, the dog got used to them and there’s no problem at all. My Fiance took the office closet, cleaned it out, and build a cat condo inside of it and then added a kitty door. That is where we keep their food and litter box, so the dog can’t get into their stuff. Get creative, there are options 🙂 

Post # 5
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I moved in with my husband into his home after three months of dating, to a state I know no one, 1,200 miles away from where I was born and raised. I had never co-habitated with anyone except my family.

Post # 6
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I moved in with now Fiance after 6 months of dating. He owns a townhouse. We also redecorated when I moved in. I brought in all my stuff and we combined things. We used my mattress because it was better. I have to admit, I have my days when I wish the house was “ours” but I do know that I can’t think like that. I put my feminine touches on things. I also brought my Yorkie with me, he was very accepting of her. We are now together 3.5 years and getting married next June. 


Post # 7
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We moved into a house together when we moved in, not into each other’s house. I was going to move in with him if we couldn’t find a house, but luckily we found somewhere.

Post # 8
5063 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I moved into my SO’s (now FI) house 10 months after we started dating. It didn’t take me long to put my stamp on my new home. He was very lovely labour referring to the flat as “ours”. I have alot of my furniture in the flat now. It did take him awhile to get used to change as he’s never had a girlfriend before or shared a house. But now 2 years later we are still very happy. 

Post # 9
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I moved into his house, but when he bought it, it was with the intention that it would be for both of us. I’ve been involved with decorating it all along, but we’re still making changes and replacing some of his bachelor things. We also still need to get me totally moved in and settled. I’ve been here the last few months with just the basics.

I already owned my own home before we met, so he just bought the house in his name so we didn’t have to worry about me being on 2 mortgages. We are also still working on fixing my house up in order to rent it out. I wish I could sell it, but right now, I couldn’t get nearly what I owe on it.

Post # 10
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Interesting topic, and I can totally relate.

I will address mostly Points # 3 and # 4 from your post.

Mr TTR & I are older (I am over 50, he’s over 60).  So both of us have been married before.

When I met Mr TTR I was just coming off my horrible divorce… and was living on my own… lol, my stuff my way.

Our moving in together was sort of a gradual process.

When we were dating, like you are now, I made a point of not moving much in.  I didn’t want him to get too used to the idea that I was 100% available… so I tended to take an overnight bag back and forth between his and mine for quite a few months.

He on the otherhand was highly smitten from me right from the beginning, and went out of his way to make me feel welcome / comfortable at his home.  Including as yours does giving me free rein of his home… even when he wasn’t there (definitely a strange feeling for me).  But the nicest thing he did was going out and buying me some items that he thought I might appreciate… lol, funny now when I think about them.

A nice big coffee mug – a box of my favourite tea – a Bathrobe (ok that one he sort of passed off as a Christmas Present that he said I should leave at his house) – and he noticed my preferences in toiletries and picked up a few bottles for me to have in the bathroom (shampoo, conditioner, deoderant, toothpaste) – and a new toothbrush

After a few months of heavy dating, more often than not Thursday night thru to Sunday Night, and then maybe one other night (usually Tuesday)

It was becoming quite apparent that we were destined to want to spend 24/7 together.  So we broached the subject of living together.  After my bad divorce, I was very gun-shy but I liked him a lot.  He gave me a key, and told me I could come and go as I pleased.

Gradually I spent more and more time at his.  But I kept my own apt (infact I kept my own place for years, much like Carrie Bradshaw did in SITC) it was a touchstone for me, something to keep myself grounded I suppose.

Meanwhile Mr TTR was working on making me feel more and more welcome at his.  He planned a whole redecoration project so I wouldn’t feel that the house was so much his (or his Ex Wifes).  He painted, moved around furniture, bought some new pieces, and asked for my input.  One of the nicest things we did was “upgrading” the Master Bedroom space, including buying a new mattress, and some very lux linens & bedding.  Mr TTR says to this day that he LOVES OUR BED !!

The bringing together of two adults who had both lived in longterm marriages, and on their own meant there was plenty of compromise needed.  But we worked thru it all.

One of the things we did talk about when we were dating was our feelings about Marriage.  Both of us had been hurt pretty badly so we were gun-shy… but the idea wasn’t totally off the table.

The first 5 years I lived with Mr TTR, I was quite comfortable to keep things status quo.  AND I took on the role of the Good Longterm Girlfriend (never the wife / life partner one).  Having been hurt so badly in the past, I always kept my wits about me and in the back of my mind said “hey this could end at any time”

(I intentionally didn’t live with him and become the surrogate wife… and I don’t advise others to do that either.  Living together is good… I highly recommend it as a way to truly know someone before marrying them.  BUT I’ve seen too many women become a doormat to their guys.  Or guys who don’t stay motivated in the relationship enough to turn it into something more afterwards.  Too many girls pining for Proposals that never seem to come.  And men who get waaay too comfortable, lazy and complacient)

As we approached our 6th Anniversary, I came to realize that I wanted more… that I was in very very deep, and very very much in love with this man.  Dating and being a Girlfriend was all good, but I wanted to make it more permanent, I wanted to get married again… I wanted to be the wife legally, that many assumed I was anyhow (with our ages in particular, whenever we met new people they always assumed we had been married for decades)

So I laid out my LIFE PLAN how I saw things coming together over the next 1, 3, 5, 10+ years.  (Life Plans are discussed extensively in other posts here on WBee)

And I told him that I would like to be married by the end of 2012.  He said he understood, and agreed.  And then there was no more discussion / nagging on my part in regards to the timeline / proposal (ok I lie, I believe I teased him once).

Typical guy, he took his time, and planned out the Proposal as he see fit.  It came several months later (knowing it was coming, but not when, sucked I admit… totally can relate to the girls here on the WBee WAITING Board)

And with it came his “plan” for the future in much detail… he had already worked out the WHEN, WHERE and HOW for our Wedding Ceremony & Honeymoon.  And so as per my own Life Plan we were married before the end of 201, over the Christmas Holidays.

If being married is important to you… and you want kids in the future, then I suggest that you lay out your LIFE PLAN now.  Tell him what it is you want, and how you plan to get there.

He needs to know that you are either the girl who wants a Ring BEFORE you move in… or are one that has a timeline when that needs to take place.  Do not accept the “lets wait & see” answer that many men give… unless you are truly comfortable with the idea of being the longterm Girlfriend for a really really long time (maybe even forever).

Have seen too many Bees faced with the heart-breaking decision of needing to continue on with that road, or finally after 3, 5, 7, 10+ years have to walk away disappointed.

And as I alluded to earlier.  Make things very 50/50 when you are living together.  Don’t be taken for granted.  Don’t do it all.  It is his house, and therefore his turf a lot more than it is yours.  So he needs to naturally DO MORE (because if you split up, it will be you moving out empty handed)

Take care of you as well.  Write up a Cohabitation Agreement, and also get yourselves Wills / Living Wills.  That should take care of all the legal aspects.

Marriage is a whole different ball of wax.

When Mr TTR & I got married we made changes… changes that he was aware of BEFORE we got married and agreed to.  Our House is now officially “our house”.  We’ve updated our Wills.  And we’ve combined OUR finances / monies.  Things aren’t ticked off 50/50 anylonger, all the money belongs to both of us.

I do a lot more around the house because I now feel more invested in it (recently I was the one to pay for a Patio upgrade).  And I do a lot more chores etc as well… in that I am no longer just the Girlfriend.  I would say I’ve gone from giving a certain percentage 50/50 to not keeping score.

Marriage isn’t about keeping score.  You give because you love the other person… and want to make their lives better.

Mr TTR is amazed that there are actually differences between me the “Good GF” and me the “Great Wife”.  But in my mind that is how it is supposed to be.  A wife is different from a Girlfriend… otherwise WHY would any of us want to get married to begin with ?  The two things are not the same.

Anyhow, I hope this helps, I can promise you it is a BIG change, but if you plan and work thru it together it can be very successful.


Post # 11
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh ya, I should add…

After we were married we considered buying a NEW home.  But after doing some looking we discovered that a brand new home was uber-expensive for us (at this time).  So we agreed to have my name on the Deed here, and that we’d undertake some renovations (not just redecorating this time).

After we fully retire (under 3 years time) we will evaluate the situation again, and may very well buy or move depending upon our new lifestyle status… Retired… Adult Lifestyle Community ?? … Snowbirds ???


Post # 12
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Tatertot2003:  Like you, my SO had shared his last apartment with his ex. I was NOT okay living in her old space – for a lot of reasons. Occasionally, I would find things of hers around… like a hair tie or a hair brush.

Between that, the fact that she wanted him back and the fact that she STILL had keys to the apartment, I was over it.

When we moved in together it was our own space. However, a house is a lot different.

Post # 13
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I unofficially moved in with my husband after 1 month of dating and officially a few months after we became engaged. It was his townhouse but we spent the next year renovating it together. Eventually we move across the country & bought a condo together but even in the old townhouse I never felt like it wasn’t mine or didn’t have my stamp on it.

Post # 14
247 posts
Helper bee

@Tatertot2003:   relating over here! I moved into my SO’s house and yeah, it can be a real biff to your inner independance feminist but hey, I got over it and we’re happily shacked up now and those first fears turned out to be unfounded.

If your relationship is good then your fine 🙂 

Post # 15
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My now DH and I did not rush into moving in together. Mainly because, being older, we had teenage children and our own properties. We didn’t want to rush our children into being “one big happy family” although right from the start they bonded – it helped that they knew each other through high school sport and the like. So we lived between each other’s houses until we realised that actually, things were getting silly because we never spent a night apart but did spend an awful lot of time packing suitcases and driving between our homes!

However, our house is the one that my DH originally bought with his ex-wife. I get on with her very well but it is fair to say that initially, there were times when I wondered if I’d ever feel I was living in “my” house. But DH was very supportive of my feelings and he certainly didn’t harbour any lost hopes about his failed marriage.

What made all the difference was doing major renovations on the house. I managed the project and although DH was always in agreement with my proposals, the house was completely transformed and totally felt like mine by the time the works were completed. Although to be fair, it is actually our house now. Not his. Not mine. Ours.

There’s nothing wrong in keeping your own place for a while if you want the certainty of having somewhere to go back too if things don’t work out though. Can you rent it out, perhaps on a short-term let? Only sometimes you can find it easier to settle down if you know you haven’t burnt your boats entirely.

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