Post # 17
@Tatertot2003: I was staying over at DH’s house w/in our first month of dating and if you ask him I was moved in by month 2. I still had a bedroom at my aunts house where I got my mail and stuff & maybe stayed there 1 or 2 nights a week but I’ve mostly been in DH’s house for the past 3 1/2 years. He bought this house as a single man, remodeled it, decorated & furnished it with an interior designer. I HATE the furniture (leather couches, the dining room table, master bedroom set, guest bedroom set)… but the house itself is amazing. I can’t ask/insist that we replace the furniture when it was delivered the MONTH before we started dating. So making his space my space has been a labor of love. We downsized from two to one guest room & I got to buy new bedding for our room and the guest room. He never lived here with other women so I have that going for me. When we got married we got to replace his dishes/pots & pans with “our” stuff and that’s helped too.
I love sharing my life and space with DH and it’s okay that we’re in his house because we’ve made it ours.
Post # 18
I will also add, your cats might be able to get used to it. Do it slowly… and especially if the cats feel like they have space that is their own (another room or the basement) they might feel more comfortable.
Post # 19
when i graduated college, i moved in with my then boyfriend who had just bought a house and HIS house it was.
he did give me a shelf in the bathroom and one drawer in the bedroom. so i used the smaller bedroom as my closet.
we lived together for almost 2 years when his buddy came home from the army and bf told him he could move in and use the bedroom that i used as my closet. so i packed my bags and moved home.
but don’t get me wrong, there were a ton of other issues involved, this was just the icing on the cake. i should have left many months before this.
but it can work. you just need to be honest and open about what changes you can make.
my friend moved in with her husband. they did not live together until after marriage. it was the house he grew up in. his divoced mother moved to a smaller house and he took over the house from his mother. together they repainted and remodeled many of the rooms. i was friends with the husband before he met his wife and i was never allowed there. he told me it was a bachelor pad. now that the house is almost redone, they joke and say i will still never be able to see it. this has worked well for them.
Post # 20
I moved into FI’s place last month, just 3 months before our wedding! He’d asked me to move in before but I just didn’t feel comfortable until we were engaged and had set a date. I’ve never lived with an SO before this! So, I was really nervous.
Fiance has been really great about trying to make me feel at home. We bought tons of organization stuff, hung up my artwork on the walls, put up photos…etc. Seeing him make that effort made me feel more comfortable about the move and our life together.
OP, I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. It sounds like maybe it’s too soon for you to move in with him. Give it some time and see how you feel in a few months.
Post # 21
@Tatertot2003: He moved in with me initially and then we moved into our dream house (my house became another rental property). I like the idea of choosing a house together. We built ours from the ground up in the country. I can’t see us ever leaving the house (or at least ever giving it up – I’d move for work but always keep this house just in case!).
Post # 22
From someone that currently lives in a home that was “his” before “ours”…try to find one together.
We have both had issues about trying to make it Ours. He’s had issues sharing/changing his “space”, I’ve had total issues around it not looking and feeling like “mine”. It’s been even more rattling to have things around that belonged to he and his first wife and this was the house he bought after he got divorced.
Anyway…if I had known, I would have pushed for our own home first, after engaged and then planned a wedding. My gf had the same issues…still does. They have been married 2+ years.
Post # 23
Well…like I said before if I am going to be with him it will be in that house…he built it from the ground up and it is his pride and joy, and I do want to be with him. We have talked a little bit about how in the far off future maybe switching houses with his parents (his parents house is HUGE and his house is rather small…not really a “family” house)…but we also talk about putting the barn/woodshop on the far part of the current property. Obviously at this point there are still a lot of unknowns about the future.
I am excited to combine space with him, it is just going to be hard to lose my apartment/separate space! He actually brought it up again last night and we decided that I should “psuedo move-in” for a few months…aka I keep my apartment but move all my easy to move stuff into his house, then reevaluate. I really liked the sound of that..
Post # 24
He owned, I rented, so I moved in with him because it made sense. That said, we did wait much longer than 7 months…I had jumped into living with someone once too early, and I was gunshy as a result. I get you want kids soon, but don’t let that pressure you to move faster than ready in a relationship, and you don’t sound ready here to me. (I moved in at 2.5 years, engaged 6 months later, married one year later) I’d also strongly suggest discussing life plans before moving in and being on the same page there.
In regards to making it yours, one day I got very upset about about how it didn’t feel like home, and DH (then bf) immediately went and put up my art on the wall. He just didn’t realize it was that important to me. He’s also been open to me making other changes and is still a bit sad that I don’t entirely think of it as “my” place. Things he was willing to do: repaint, move furniture, get new furniture, put up pictures, put out my stuff. The key for me was knowing he was open to changing – I just needed to tell him what I wanted/needed. What we did: move furniture, pictures up, put away some of his decorative items (ahh, chessboard after chessboard). I’d still like to repaint the bedroom, and I’m currently trying to figure out how to brighten up our very dark, cool main room (dark greys, black and blue colors).
Post # 25
From the other side, Fiance moved into my house. I try to call it ours and make him feel like its our, but its hard. Habbit makes me call it mine from time to time, and it really does have my personality stamped on it as I renovated it quite a bit.
I think Fiance would be happy to stay there, but I want our house we built toghether, decorated together and shared from the beginning. I do have to remind myself to call it our house….but i can always remember to call it our home.