(Closed) How many of you send gifts when you RSVP “no”?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you send gifts with "NO" RSVPs (to weddings)?
    Always, even if I'm not very close to the couple : (33 votes)
    29 %
    Yes, if I'm close to the couple : (64 votes)
    57 %
    Never! It's not necessary. : (15 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I always send a gift when I RSVP no. So far we’ve gotten 1 gift out of 9 no responses.

    Post # 4
    Member
    46416 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always send a gift when I RSVP no. I actually have no experience in being invited to a wedding of someone I’m not close to however.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2407 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I always send a gift when I can’t attend as well. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    Whether or not I send a gift to a couple has little to do with whether or not I accept the invitation — or even whether or not I get an invitation — and more to do with why I was or wasn’t invited or did or didn’t accept.

    I send gifts to people whose wedding I wish to celebrate. If I believe they invited me in the secret hope I would decline and send a gift anyway, thus increasing their net return on expenditure for the wedding, I won’t feel generous toward them. If I love them but don’t feel entitled to the invitation I didn’t receive, I’ll give a gift regardless. I’m unlikely to attend and not send a gift, but not because I feel obligated or worry about “showing up empty-handed” (which I would do anyway because the gift should be sent, not brought). It’s more that, if someone’s friendship isn’t worth the effort of choosing a gift for them, it really isn’t worth me spending my time on.

    Post # 8
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wish there was an “other” option. I would always send a gift if I wanted to attend but was unable to. But I wouldn’t send one if I never wanted to attend in the first place.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1805 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I have attended every wedding I’ve ever been invited to and always brought a gift, but if I was invited and couldn’t attend and was close to the person, yes, I would definitely send a gift.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I always send a gift, even if it is small.  Now that I think of it, most of my “no” responses did NOT send a gift.

    Post # 11
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I was once invited to a wedding in South America a few weeks before the wedding. I know for a fact that others were invited months before I was, so I guess I was on the C (or even D) list. I did not go. I did not send the couple a gift.

    If a good friend of mine was getting married and I couldn’t make it, I would definitely send a gift.

    Post # 12
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I always send a gift, but as a PP mentioned, I have never been invited to a wedding of someone I was not close to.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1679 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I get invited to plenty of weddings of people I don’t know.  My Fiance grew up in my city, but I moved here six years ago. 

    I always send the gifts.  The first time I did it, one of his friends flipped out with excitement the next time we saw her…which makes me think that is not common in this area.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Having never been through the wedding process myself, I’m kind of curious to see if people who WE invite but rsvp no end up sending gifts.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I usually send a gift. The only time I didn’t was for a girl I was not close to. I rsvped no and did not send a gift. I havent heard from her since.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I had never heard of it being customary to send a gift if you weren’t attending until our wedding – and I still didn’t hear it, so to speak, but was really surprised by the amount of gifts we received from non-attendees.

    We’ve both agreed that from now on any time we’re invited to a wedding we’ll give a gift item if we’re not attending, and gift cash if we are attending. Basically all of our gifts from non-attendees actually felt like fun surprises! I just received a parcel this morning, from my aunt in Arizona, and it was a wee bit like Christmas getting (more:)) picture frames and candle holders!

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