Post # 1
Just curious. My SO has a very good chance of getting a job that would require him to work many evenings/weekends during certain parts of the year as well as traveling out of state frequently. This position is in his dream field and would open up many great opportunities in the future, so I’m trying to be fully supportive even if that means less time together and giving up certain things we love to do together (season tickets, etc.).
How have you ladies dealt with this? Any tips or advice? I’d love to hear your stories.
Post # 3
We both do, and both work in the IT industry, with similar type of jobs. We just deal with it. Maybe that is why we both “get” what the other goes through day after day, and know that sometimes what we do takes priority. Past relationships it was an issue with some men (I also make way more then most men I dated, my husband makes and I are both in the same salary range).
The jobs we have give us the really nice life we have (we own 2 homes each) so you really have to put it in perspective.
Post # 4
My FI works in healthcare, so he doesn’t get holidays off, not even christmas. Thankfully he doesn’t typically work crazy hours though.
Post # 5
@pokie45: my SO and I both have jobs like this. It’s an adjustment at first (when we first started dating we both had more 9-5 type jobs). it took us about two years to get into the new flow of things, but it works for us now. You’ll learn to appreciate your time together more. a few times a year, when one of us is on work travel the other takes time off and goes with… Work pays for the hotel, and we get to explore new cities together after our work day is over. It’s a way to make all the travel work for us!
Now, when I’m away or working weekends, SO plays golf (which I’m not great at, but he loves), and when he’s working late or weekends, I shop :).
Its an adjustment, but the increase in income allowed us to do the things we love. I think the true challenge will come when we decide to start a family.
Post # 6
When my FI and I met we both worked at an amusement park where we worked 60 hours a week minimum. We had off November-March for the off season, though, and collected unemployment. Then we both left the amusement park industry. . . he now works 46 hours a week. He has off for major holidays and his typical work day is 11-8. . . which is pretty much his whole day. Fortunately, we spend time together every morning and every night, though. Also, we’re lucky enough to have the same days off (Tuesday and Wednesday) which is like our weekend.
Post # 7
We are in such a position and up until now, I also had a busy work schedule. As of next month I will be unemployeed but hopefully I will find a new job before I feel like he is working too much. I think it works for us because we are both currently career focused. We also both realize this is not a sustainable work/life balance forever. In fact, I am worried my DH will burn out in the next year if something does not change. Butone thing we do to relieve stress and guarantee time together and things to look forward to is plan vacations. Since our honeymoon in 2010, we plan one big vacation which is somewhere bettween 10-18 days and then take some smaller weekend trips together. Since we have been long distance, weekends together were generally at home weekends this year but I look forward to planning more short trips once we live together again. Another thing that makes us both happy is to have a cleaning lady who comes in once every second week. This means that when we are together we are not spending our time washing floors or scrubbing the bath tub which is a huge stress reliever when we feel like we have limited time together.
ETA: I find when he is on business trips, I can take the evening to add in an extra workout at the gym or watch TV on the couch or cook a meal I know he hates. Always look for a positive and tag along on fun business trips if you can.
Post # 8
I work 8am-5om and my husband works 2pm–whenever he leaves (he’s a supervisor and works 70 hour weeks). We really only see each other on weekends. It sucks. It’s funny that we’ll call each other during the week and say “I miss you” when we live in the same house!
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
My FI works in the film industry, he’s an art director. So, he when he is shooting something, he leaves home around 5am and doesn’t get back until maybe 10-11pm. Then he eats and passes out, and thats it.
When he’s not shooting, he’s home all the time, so it’s kind of “feast or famine” in that respect.
In the years we’ve been together, I’ve adjusted to it. Sometimes it’s lonely, but I have many hobbies (yoga, hiking, writing, and now wedding planning) to keep me busy. 🙂
Post # 10
My FI and I both have crazy hours and we’ve just learned to accept it for what it is because we each like the money we make. We try to take our one day a week off together and do something fun. My advice is make one night a week if that’s all you have together a date night – go to dinner, cook together at home, movies, etc. Enjoy each other’s company as much as you can when you do get to see one another.
Whiteboards/Journals – we have a whiteboard on our fridge & when we’re having hectic weeks we’ll write cute notes to each other. We also send one another texts throughout the day or take 15min breaks to just talk on the phone. I’ve also seen couples who write in notebooks and leave the page open on the counter for the other to read. Reminders, good day/bad day, cute notes, etc.
It’s not easy but you do what you can when you can, good luck!
Post # 11
Mine does. It sucks. But its worth it. It was his dream job. he gets one weekend off every 3 weeks, and works mostly 3-11, while i work 8-8.. he works most holidays, unless he puts in to have off, which is rare because their are other workers senior to him that get the pick. I rarely get to cook him a homecooked dinner, yet alone get to eat with him. I hate his hours but the pay is awesome, and he loves what he does.
Just be supportive, and be strong, it really sucks, but if you have an awesome relationship, then you will get through it!!
Post # 12
My SO works in a mentally stressful full-time job doing background investigations which is about 40-50 hours a week and then works part-time as a police officer. I deal by reminding myself that he works so hard because he wants to be a good provider and that he gets a lot of personal satisfaction from his work. We make sure to get away as a couple and as a family a lot so that keeps us connected. And luckily SO can function on little to no sleep and not be cranky so he will get up to spend time with me even if he pulled an all nighter doing police work. I am a lucky girl 🙂
Post # 13
Yep – when he’s doing plumbing. Right now we’re working on his business while he works a side part time. There’s going to be times where an emergency call comes through and we could be out enjoying time together. He most likely won’t give the job up because typically emergency calls mean double the hourly rate plus whatever the issue is. He’s had a couple of renos he’s done where he hasn’t gotten home until 9pm to only go to sleep and go back early in the morning. It’s tough to deal with when you have plans, miss him, etc, but I remind myself that he’s out making money and would rather be home with me.
Post # 14
When my FI was an assistant editor for television and for awhile they were having him work from 8pm to 8am because they only had only a few computers and had the editors working during the day so they could get things done faster. Now that he’s an editor, he can work normal hours again. Woohoooo.
Post # 15
Mine does – he has been leaving the house at 11:30 PM and getting home at 5:30 PM.
Post # 16
@misslene: I am pretty much in the same boat as you. I work first and he works 2nd shift 10 hour days 5 days a week and works saturday mornings (by choice). I only see him on the weekends and this last weekend he went out of town with a friend so I have only hung out with him one day out of 10 days! sometimes I feel like we are only roommates. but it actually is funny we will call each other and say we miss each other too (kind of reminds me of highschool days but I love it).
We try once a week to see each other at least once. Even if it means him coming to my job to eat lunch with me or vise versa. That 30 minutes means so much!! It’s hard but it has brought us so much closer.