Post # 1
First let me say my parents are paying for my wedding… I am so very very grateful and because of that, I’m deferring to my parents requests regarding the wedding.
Fiance & I are seeing each other before the ceremony so we can get all pictures out of the way, and there is no ‘gap’. My mom is fairly adamant that everyone witness mine & FI’s ‘First Look’. Right now the total count of people is up to 17 people, plus photographer & videographer. That seems like WAY too many people to me. It’s my parents, FI’s parents, my grandparents, the bridal party, and my mom’s sister & her daughter.
I tend to be a private person and don’t necessarily like being the center of attention (oh why oh why didn’t I elope!). I really don’t want my grandparents & my aunt & cousin there, but my mother said she already invited them and it would be rude to tell them they can’t come. She said just tell your bridal party to step out. But the bridal party is not the ones making me nervous! Its the crazy amount of family that is going to stress me out.
I feel bad putting my foot down because they are paying for the wedding… but I don’t want to break out in hives because of nerves!!
Any advice hive?!
Post # 3
Tell her no. Tell her that your first look will be a few minutes with you, Fiance, and the photographer (videographer?), and no one else.
Post # 4
My first look was just me, Fiance and photog.
Post # 5
This is one instance where her paying for the wedding does not supercede your wishes.
Tell her the two of you will greet everyone in a grand entrance immedietly following the first look so they can be there for that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
What, exactly, is the purpose of having invited witnesses for your first look? What does your Mother hope to accomplish? Maybe if you get to the bottom of that, you can figure out another way to satisfy her wants while still meeting your need for a private look. Or you could be upfront, put your foot down on this one, and tell her that it is simply not up for discussion. Or you could always be subversive, if she really is that insistent. Tell her the plan is for 1st look photos at spot x, and then actually do them at spot y. “Sorry, Mom. The photog said that the light was perfect at spot y, so we went for it. Spur of the moment decision. There was no time to tell you.”
We had onlookers, but they were our adorably nosey friends watching from a distance. We didn’t even know that they were there until several minutes into things. It certainly wasn’t planned, but whatever.
Post # 7
Are you adamant about doing a first look? 17 people is a small enough guest list that photos after the ceremony shouldn’t take too long. yes?
Post # 8
She should be more mindful of what you and Fiance want. I think you should tell her how important it is for you and Fiance to be alone at that moment and not have like half the wedding in attendance to your first look.
Post # 9
My understanding is that the first look is supposed to be something intimate between the couple, with the photographer there to record it. Put your foot down and say no. If they want to see the groom’s reaction, I am sure that he will react just as well when he sees you coming down the aisle.
Post # 10
@Birdi: She means that 17 people are witnessing the first look.
Post # 11
+1 I agree. It is a special and spritual moment for the two you.
Post # 12
Oh hell no. A first look should be private IMO, unless the couple really wants other people there! Ours was just us, the photographer and videographer. Heck even with just the two other people we were still a little awkward lol.
Even if she already invited them, the first look probably won’t take more than 5-10 minutes. I’m sure they could entertain themselves for that little bit and then invite them over for family photos.
Post # 13
I’d think this isn’t a battle worth fighting. 1/2 of thoes people prob won’t even show up to see someone get pics.
If they do show up they will probably just keep their distance and talk amongst themselves since no one is really interested in seeing people get pics taken of someone else, like during every other wedding picture time.
Post # 14
@vorpalette: Lol thanks. She said her ma wanted everyone to witness. my bad
Then I say put your foot down. The first look is a private time for just you and your Fiance. explain this to your mom
Post # 15
You could try having the photographer tell her that this is usually a private event. My mom can be really opinionated too sometimes, but usually listens when the “professionals” talk to her. Maybe the thought of bad photos would get her to change her mind?
Post # 16
I’d tell her gently that having people there defeats the purpose of the first look. Explain that it’s meant to be a few minutes for the two of you alone because the rest of the day you’ll be with other people. It’s meant to be private and not have an audience.