(Closed) How many people saw your 'First Look'? Vent about my mom…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell her no. Tell her that your first look will be a few minutes with you, Fiance, and the photographer (videographer?), and no one else. 

Post # 4
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My first look was just me, Fiance and photog.

Post # 5
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is one instance where her paying for the wedding does not supercede your wishes. 

Tell her the two of you will greet everyone in a grand entrance immedietly following the first look so they can be there for that.

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

What, exactly, is the purpose of having invited witnesses for your first look? What does your Mother hope to accomplish? Maybe if you get to the bottom of that, you can figure out another way to satisfy her wants while still meeting your need for a private look. Or you could be upfront, put your foot down on this one, and tell her that it is simply not up for discussion. Or you could always be subversive, if she really is that insistent. Tell her the plan is for 1st look photos at spot x, and then actually do them at spot y. “Sorry, Mom. The photog said that the light was perfect at spot y, so we went for it. Spur of the moment decision. There was no time to tell you.”

 

We had onlookers, but they were our adorably nosey friends watching from a distance. We didn’t even know that they were there until several minutes into things.  It certainly wasn’t planned, but whatever.

Post # 7
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you adamant about doing a first look? 17 people is a small enough guest list that photos after the ceremony shouldn’t take too long. yes? 

Post # 8
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

She should be more mindful of what you and Fiance want. I think you should tell her how important it is for you and Fiance to be alone at that moment and not have like half the wedding in attendance to your first look.

Post # 9
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My understanding is that the first look is supposed to be something intimate between the couple, with the photographer there to record it.  Put your foot down and say no.   If they want to see the groom’s reaction, I am sure that he will react just as well when he sees you coming down the aisle. 

Post # 10
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Birdi:  She means that 17 people are witnessing the first look.

Post # 11
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@vorpalette:  

+1 I agree.  It is a special and spritual moment for the two you.

Post # 12
Member
8668 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh hell no. A first look should be private IMO, unless the couple really wants other people there! Ours was just us, the photographer and videographer. Heck even with just the two other people we were still a little awkward lol.

Even if she already invited them, the first look probably won’t take more than 5-10 minutes. I’m sure they could entertain themselves for that little bit and then invite them over for family photos.

 

Post # 13
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d think this isn’t a battle worth fighting.  1/2 of thoes people prob won’t even show up to see someone get pics. 

If they do show up they will probably just keep their distance and talk amongst themselves since no one is really interested in seeing people get pics taken of someone else, like during every other wedding picture time.

Post # 14
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@vorpalette:  Lol thanks. She said her  ma wanted everyone to witness. my bad

Then I say put your foot down. The first look is a private time for just you and your Fiance. explain this to your mom 

Post # 15
Member
8668 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You could try having the photographer tell her that this is usually a private event. My mom can be really opinionated too sometimes, but usually listens when the “professionals” talk to her. Maybe the thought of bad photos would get her to change her mind?

Post # 16
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d tell her gently that having people there defeats the purpose of the first look.  Explain that it’s meant to be a few minutes for the two of you alone because the rest of the day you’ll be with other people.  It’s meant to be private and not have an audience.

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