(Closed) How many sexual partners is too many?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

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Mlim:  can I ask what line of work you’re in? I know my “professional business” friends would never discuss this at work among their peers but as a nurse I’ve noticed I’ve had some interesting conversations with other co-workers. 

In regards to your question though I think that’s completely up to each individual. The amount of sexual partners my SO was with prior to me never concerned me as long as they have a clean bill of health when we become intimate. I wouldn’t judge your coworkers, it’s their lives to live. 

Post # 17
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

1 billion!

But seriously, I don’t believe there is a right or wrong number. I’ve only ever been with my SO, he’s been with maybe 4-5? It’s not really anyone’s business.

Post # 19
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It’s too much when someone is speading diseases and lie about their number. Clearly then they are ashamed. It really is an individual thing and for me sex is very sacred and I put a lot of value on it so i personally have a number that i prefer a partner to be under and if they are over I’m not sure I could look past it. I’ve also personally never met anyone that hopes their future partner has many notches in their bed post. I never heard of anyone hoping their partner has been with a lot…if I meet the one I’m going to be proud I don’t have to lie to him about my number. 

Post # 20
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper

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Mlim:  Depends on the person.  Honestly, I think no matter how many sexual partners you’ve had, you need to keep an open mind for whomever you’re dating.  My number is in the single digits, my husband’s is not.  But that was before he met me.  And I can’t jduge him on his past like he can’t judge me on mine.  That’s the whole point of a relationship, you don’t judge.  Even if he had a 100, well that was then, this is now.

Post # 21
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

As others have said, if you’re single for a long time, you can easily rack up a good number of sexual partners just from short relationships–so a higher number doesn’t necessarily even indicate “sleeping around.” Then on the other hand a 60 year old woman could have gone on a spree when she was 20 and accumulated 30 partners, but then remain monogamous for the next 40 years. The “number” thing is so dumb. 

Personally I think it’s best to only have sex in loving, committed relationships. But I know so many women who torture themselves over their “number”. What’s done is done. I’m glad most bees agree.

Post # 22
Member
7705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

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Ashley8200blue:  But why would anyone ask about someone’s “number”? That’s an offensive question, IMO, and not something that’s up for discussion. Either a person loves me for who I am or they don’t, and vice versa. Our “numbers” have nothing to do with that. I’ve been married for nearly two decades and I have never asked my DH nor has he ever asked me about people we’ve been with in the past. 

Post # 23
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

as many as you prefer

Post # 24
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

There is no universal ‘too many’. Each person gets to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with.

Post # 25
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

A point I’d like to make – the amount of sexual partners that you have does not make you a better or worse person. My mom has had over 100 and I’ve had 1, and she’s my best friend.

So, yeah. Definitely doesn’t matter. lol!

Post # 26
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

As long as everything is safe and consensual, there is no such thing as too many or too few sexual partners.

Post # 27
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

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Ashley8200blue:  You do realize that plenty of people lie about being virgins too right? Because they’re embarrassed or ashamed by it? So how does that figure in to your judgements?

ETA:  you’re on this side of the judgment in your own mind but you’re on the *wrong side* in  the mind of someone who is even more judgmental than you. 

Post # 28
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No such thing as too many as long as everyone’s having safe, consensual fun. It’s no ones business I would never ask or want to know! I don’t even know my husbands number! 

Post # 29
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I couldn’t tell you about too many or too little, as I never kept count. I consider myself lucky to have spent time with some amazing men, I wouldn’t reduce them to a number. 

Post # 30
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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Ashley8200blue:  I agree that people who lie about diseases are reprehensible. I also appreciate that for you sex is sacred. For me sex can be many things, but it does not always have to be more than a mutually satisfying encounter. However, you can now tell people you know someone who was happy to know their partner had many partners..lol

my hubby slept with more women than is worth mentioning, and if I could I’d buy each and every one of them a drink. Collectively they taught him some amazing things, in and out of bed, and I’ll always be grateful to them 🙂

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