Post # 61
This is a very interesting question.
I am older and had many boyfriends throughout my life, and there certainly were several for whom I had intense feelings and where the loss of those relationships proved to be heartbreaking for me. In hindsight, however, do I consider that to mean that I was “in love” with those boys/guys/men, or was it really infatuation instead?
Is there a difference between being “in love” and the brain-chemistry that results in infatuation? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure that there is. Now that I’m older and have walked with God longer, I really believe that genuine love is a decision. A choice. A commitment. Obviously, it certainly helps if there is also an intense attraction between two people. However, according to everything I have heard in the counseling world, in the vast majority of cases, those intense feelings caused by brain chemistry can only be sustained for six-months to two years.
Post # 62
I would have to say twice as well. My first love was in 8th grade to sophomore year of HS. \ While at that age it wasn’t obviously as mature as an adult “love,” I DID love him in my own way, and he in his. We ended up breaking up because he wanted to be by himself which crushed me. It took me MONTHS of listening to sad break up songs, tears, and anger to finally move past him. In which he told me numerous times later on it was a mistake. Zzzzzz. . .lol. I did, however, stupidly eventually give him another chance after so much begging and pleading. This time, we tried dating after I graduated HS. Yeaaah. . . it reminded me why he was such an ass to begin with.
All of my relationships have been long term. I invest my emotions deeply into every relationship I have been in. I trust the other person and I like to spend a lot of time with them. But out of all the years long relationships I have been in, my first love and my husband are the ones that really stand out and I can say I have loved.
I love my DH in an unfathomable way that at times I wonder how it is remotely possible. I would do just about anything for him. And while a lot of the times I’d bend over backwards for him (which I have NEVER done in a relationship), I do realize that there are times he needs to do the same for me. I’m just such a giving person that sometimes I give TOO much hehe! Anyways. . .rambling. But two for me.
Post # 63
- Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance
I voted 3, but I thought about it and the first was really just puppy love, and new because she was the first girl I’d ever fallen for.
The second was a good friend of mine, and I fell hard and fast for her. it took a while to get over her actually. She broke it off because she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be with a girl. We’re still very very close friends, and she’s very happy with her boyfriend. 🙂
third and definitely last is with my boyfriend. I’d dated a few men before but he’s the only one I could ever see myself ending up with forever. We’ve been together for five and a half years now and I’m still just as deeply in love as when we first got together. It’s a nice feeling 🙂
Post # 64
I’m a little late to the party… But I have been in love exactly one time. I do have an ex-H and a an ex-LTR that I lived with for 8 years. In both cases I had two kids with each of them and very early in the relationship, felt trapped, my ex-LTR was also very emotionally abusive. I never loved either of them, I just thought it was best at the time to stay where I was. At least I didn’t marry the LTR, that would have been truly horrific.
I have been in dreamworld and/or lust many, many times. Oh so many. Probably too many. But real, unconditional, I would die to save him LOVE? One time. And that’s the man I’m about to marry. If something had happened, or happened in the future to separate us I doubt I would marry again. I didn’t actually believe in love before I met him.
I had this idea that life was about finding someone you could stand to be around for 40 years or so and not kill each other. I thought I could pretty much settle for anybody who treated me alright and paid the bills. But this man? Wooo. He has taken a huge chunk of my heart (or rather, I gave it to him) and it will always be with him. The world can (and has in some ways) fall apart around me and it will all be ok if he just holds me. He was meant for me and I was meant for him.
Post # 65
This is beautiful. How long have you been with your current FI?
Post # 66
just the once on both of our parts. neither of us has ever dated anyone else. neither of us set out to date only one person and a few people asked how we could know this was it without something to compare it to but we’re rock solid and happy. i never wanted to date a lot but i never dreamt it could actually happen like this. 🙂
Post # 67
Aww, thanks. We will have been together for 2 1/2 years when we marry in two weeks! But officially we’ll have only been a couple for 2 years 1 1/2 months. He had some trouble making the committment in the beginning. 🙂
Post # 68
- Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA
I said twice, but it’s actually been more often than that. When I care about someone, I give them my whole heart, and every relationship I’ve felt like “oh, so this is what REAL love feels like.” I loved my ex-husband very much, and when he died last year, I grieved more deeply than I thought I would. I love husband, whom I’m married to now, more deeply than I ever thought possible, and fortunately he understood my grief about my ex-husband’s passing. Every time I’ve been in love, it’s been completely different than the time before, which isn’t surprising, because the person I fell in love with was different, and in fact, I am different.
I’ve never believed there is only one person out there that you can and will fall in love with. That puts a limit on the capacity of the human heart and soul that I just don’t think has a defined limit. Love doesn’t have a defined limit.
Post # 69
I have had four boyfriends in my lifetime. I have loved two of them, but I have only been truly in love once. My boyfriend on high school was the guy that I loved, was crushed by, and abused by. It was his asking me to marry him at the end of my senior year that made me realize that I had been infatuated with him, and that I had loved him, but that I had never been in-love with him. <br /><br />I met my fiance’ just after breaking up with my highschool bf. We have had many ups and downs throughout the years, but together we have learned what it is like to really be in love.
Post # 70
When I’m in a relationship I’m either in love or starting to fall in love…I mean, why else would you be with someone unless you loved them?? I have had many loves, at least 5, maybe more. When I’m with someone, I give them anjd that relationship my all. But some loves change over time… they can deepen, or become less, or circumstances/the other person can change the love you have for them.
My love for my husband is deeper and more mature than the love I had for my previous ex-boyfriends…however that doesn’t negate that I loved them too in the past.
I absolutely do not believe in a “one love” concept. That would be so limiting…and life isn’t supposed to be limited, but actually lived.
Post # 72
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I’ve been in love more than once. To make a relationship work, both parties must commit and also be mature enough to make it last for life. When that does not happen, we have the amazing opportunity of falling in love again.
Post # 73
Twice. The first was unrequited,, the second is Fiance.
Isn’t there that saying that there’s four perfect people out there for you or something?
Post # 74
Just once. Before I met my husband, when friends/family would ask if I loved (whoever I was dating) I would always reply, “I love him as much as I’ll love anybody.” LOL
Post # 75
- Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK
I was always mature for my age, so I had long ish relationships from about age 12. 2 guys I went out with for over a year each. I then met someone who was much older than me when I was 15 (he was 21). I was absolutely smitten. Looking back I was VERY naive, but I was heartborken when he broke up with me and wouldnt tell me why. He cried his eye out telling me and I just couldnt understand why he was that upset he had to leave. I never found out the reason, but I think it was probably to do with the fact I was not yet 16 and he had pressure from other people.
Since then I’ve been in love but in a totally different way. I’ve learnt that real love is not that huge rush of emotions (it can be part of it though), but its the warm fuzzy glow you get which is a steady constant rather than a roller coaster of emotions. it grows and changes and one day you wake up and feel comfortable in your own skin with the person next to you, and you realise you wouldn’t be who you are now without them and you want to continue that journey.