(Closed) How many years are you willing to wait?

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Awww Bellenga, I know how it is. I was a bit like “finally” when my husband proposed. It had taken so long and had been so painful to me that a lot of the excitement had just deflated. I know my husband wanted to be C-E-R-T-A-I-N before proposing because he was terrified of divorce. (lots of convos about that one, let me tell you) Do you know any reason why T hasn’t proposed yet? It’s beginning to seem a little strange.

Post # 19
Member
5280 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@cheerful: i think t’s saving and paying for that big ole rock my girl wants! i guess the best thing about waiting until you are older is that the rocks get bigger? lol!!

I’m 29 so age definitely is a factor. Last year (about six months into our relationship) we had a talk about the end of next year and we both agreed. i have mentally moved it up and can hear the clock ticking lol… but realistically i think we’ll egt engaged at the end of next year.

Post # 20
Member
44 posts
Newbee

Apparently 5 years! LOL Well I was giving it until our lease is up but since I know he has bought a ring and simply waiting until it is ready. Marriage and kids are also very important to me but I love him so much that its easier give an ultamatum (or set a timeline for yourself) than to follow through. Not being an older mom is important for me if it wasn’t I don’t think i’d feel so…umm i guess impatient with the whole marriage thing.

I kind of started us on dating because he was too scared of rejection so out of impatience with hint he just wasn’t getting I had to make the first move but once the ball was rolling it was in his court all the way. Call me old fashion but I want him to propose to me. I want it to be sweet and romantic. I don’t like it when people ask us our story he jumps right in about how I made the first move its not very lady like. There our somethings I am very independent with but this one thing I want to be more old fashion. 

 

Post # 21
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well, I’m 31 and I already have two children. We have only been together a year, but have known each other for at least 12. I’m not sure whether I want more children, but I know after 35 I will not have any more (Just don’t want to deal with huge age gaps). I, for sure, would not have another one out of wedlock, so I dunno…

We do live together and I am very happy, and my kids are happy, and we basically operate like we’re married (sharing all money, division of chores, etc.) I would have a hard time rocking the boat and breaking up just because of no proposal. That said, marriage is important to me and I know that as time passes it’s harder to find a life partner.

I plan on bringing it up again early next year if there has been no progress. At that point, I’ll re-evaluate. I’d easily wait another year, but I don’t know how much after that. I’ve thought about proposing to him next year, but I dunno because I really want it to be his effort, KWIM?

Anyway, I plan on talking to his BFF (also my friend) before the end of the year anyway about my dream ring as a step towards “the big talk.”

Post # 22
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I didnt mind waiting the first 6 years, that was sort of the plan we meet when I was 18, so I had to finish uni and get a job and we wanted to by a house. By the end of 2006 (age 24 and 6 years together) I finished Uni, We bought a house at the end of 2007 at which point I expected him to propose, The following year my 2 best friend who had only known their SO for less than 2years got engaged (grrr) Then his Brother who had been with his girl for 1 year got eng (grrr) and I was still waiting. After a string of other peoples engagement parties and weddings Fi finally proposed April this year. So I dont feel I waited the full 8.5 years but I def feel I had to wait 2.5. Interestingly we will get married just b4 our 10 year anniversary.

Post # 23
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My FH and I got engaged after dating for just over 2 years, but that was pretty early- I know he was planning on proposing around our 3rd year anniversary, but a random, romantic excursion took place and he spontaneously proposed. I think I would have gotten antsy if he hadn’t proposed after 3 years, because marriage is very important to me, and I want to have time to be married for several years before we have kids.

Post # 24
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I waited 7+ years. 🙂

Bella

Post # 25
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think the most I could handle is 1 more year (and that’s stretching it) We have been dating 3 years, and have known each other for 5 and I know I could spend the rest of my life with him. He knows that its up to him to make that step because I have made it clear that I am ready. If he chooses not to, I move on. *sigh*

Post # 26
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I was willing to wait 2 year (from start of relationship to proposal). We talked about it when we got together, though, and he said one year… it was 5 months! Haha.

We knew we were getting into something serious though, and we pretty much got together with the intent of marriage, unless we could discover any possible reason not to marry.

We get married March 20 next year 🙂

Post # 27
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Next February we’ll have been together 8 years.  I’m not willing to wait much longer. BF knows this, but I haven’t set a time scale.  I’m kind of scared to, though, because I don’t want to leave him!  Also, I’m worried about spoiling the whole thing by forcing him into it.  I’m not going to ask him because I think at this stage he’d say no.

KMSull: I think you’re sensible not moving in together until you get more of a commitment.  I moved in with my boyfriend this year and now I see he’s got nothing to gain by marrying me. 

Post # 28
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i had in my head that we should be engaged by the 3 year mark. well, that was almost a year ago. i told several of my close friends that this would be my “ultimatum year,” that if he didn’t propose or start taking some very concrete steps toward doing so, i was going peace out and move on. he has never brought marriage or anything like that, and finally this year, after hearing about engagement after engagement or engagement planning from people together far less time that us, i freaked out and asked him what his intentions were. that was in september of this year. i kind of feel like i’m satisfied with his answers and he’s moving in the right direction so i don’t know that i have a concrete deadline any more…. but i feel like i’m going to get really pushy if i don’t have a ring in the six months (barring any major financial disasters or us losing our jobs or something).

Post # 29
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I suppose my limit was 4-5 years. I had been in a previous relationship for about 4 1/2 years, great guy (we are still very close friends and talk all the time), great job, we got along very well, lived together, yada, yada. By around 3 1/2 years I started to get ancy and subtlely bringing it up. I would get vague responses about it happening someday…around the 4 year mark I got more bold and asked when it was going to happen and he couldn’t give me a definitive answer…just that it would but he didn’t know when. By 4 1/2+ years  we were sitting on the couch one night eating take out and watching t.v. …I asked him when it was going to happen and he told me he couldn’t give me a for sure answer. So, I told him that if he couldn’t give me an answer by now, I was going to answer for him and I wasn’t going to wait around and that I wanted to break up. I then asked him if I could change the channel, he handed me the remote. We ate in silence. I updated my resume and found a new job in another state and moved out about a month or two later. We’ve been like best of friends ever since, and now he knows that when I tell him something I really mean it. Hehe.

Worked out for the best, I’m so happy now!

Post # 30
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Jaxx317 – I also told myself that if I didn’t have a ring on my finger by our third anniversary that I was out……………………….yesterday was our 3rd anniversary and guess what?!?! No ring!! Now what??

Post # 31
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Fiance said he knew the first week that I was the one…I felt the same way about him. He proposed 2 months after our first conversation and we will have been engaged for 3 years when we get married next month.

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