How much am I expected to tolerate at work?

posted 1 year ago in Career
Post # 31
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee

janedoe27 :  Ah, the good old days, when some people “knew their place”… I have a strong suspicion that only part of the population in those good old days had “fun”.

Post # 33
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee

Keep not laughing at it, and report that asshole.

These kinds of things aren’t just for a laugh – they’re a deliberate way to demean and exclude women. It reasserts his power over you and lets you know how useless he thinks you all are. Why else would he tell it to a whole crowd of women, do you really think he expected a genuine laugh? 

Post # 34
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to come across as harsh and I’m sure I’ll piss several Bees off.

Yes, you should report it.  However, you need to ask yourself if it comes back around to you are you willing to have that follow you forever in your tenure with this airline and possiblity throughout the industry?  If you are 100% sure, then go for it, if you have doubts about your ability to deal with the consequences (no matter how wrong they are), then don’t.

It sucks, but reality of life often trumps what’s right in terms of reporting harassment.

Post # 35
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee

If you’re worried about reprecussions for reporting – there’s a lot less protection for men like that in general now. The media is extremely interested in exposing that kind of systemic sexism and racism these days. Companies know that their employees can get a lot of media coverage (or even just social media coverage) on something like that and take the company down publicly. 

Definitely not saying the goal is to take the company down, or to threaten to do so, just that often it’s taken more seriously now. Just do your due diligence in reporting. Keep a log of everything he says and when. Print and save anything in writing. See if you can get any of the other girls to back you up, etc. 

Post # 36
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Peachytalk :  When I opened up this thread I did not think this would be about sexual harrassment! I thought it was going to be about work load or whatever….

So your question really is: 

How much SEXUAL HARRASSMENT am I expected to tolerate at work?

The answer: NONE. 

Glad you’re going to report him. 

Post # 37
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Peachytalk :  f*ck that Bee. I would send an email to my superior and if they don’t do anyhting about it, to their boss, and follow the chain all the way up. His “jokes” are SEXIST and considered sexual harrassment at most big companies. His behavior made the ladies on the crew and the other pilot uncomofortable because it’s not right. 

If this happens again, I would say, ‘Wait, can you repeat that? What you said was, “do you know why women wear white? It’s so they can blend into the kitchen?” Is that right?”. Not only is his “joke” sexist, it’s also racist. 

They will probably stop dead in their tracks because they will have to repeat the offensive thing they just said if they have half a brain they will stop the behavior immediately because they got caught and called out on it. 

If you don’t cut these guys down, they will continue to do this sh*t and try to get away with it. Chances are he has always been allowed to talk to women like that and nobody has done anything about it. So, rain on his f*cking parade, PLEASE. 

Good luck, I strongly encourage you to write down his name, the flight, the time it was said, who was there, and send it to your manager immediately. 

Post # 39
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m glad you’re reporting it and can do so anonymously. 

It wasn’t quite as bad as the pilot, but a guy at work made a really obnoxious joke after I got married. It was my first day back in the office after having a semi-destination wedding, so while he and I were chitchatting, I mentioned I’d be working from home the rest of the week to get caught up on some chores and backlogged laundry.

He then thought it’d be funny to say “I bet! You have twice the laundry to do now that you’re married right?” I was so stunned, but replied that my husband does his own laundry. When my coworker exclaimed what a good husband he is for doing that, I just said “Not really, I just wanted to marry a grown man,” totally deadpan. He scurried back to his office after that.

We have to call them out—every. single. time. 

Post # 40
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

It’d be so tempting not to say somethong! Anonymous sounds like a good idea if you’re concerned about being dragged. 

“I heard men with tiny penis’ #1 career choice is in aviation.” 

Post # 41
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee

queenie8119 :  You make it sound SO simple and cut and dry.  I will do the right thing or I won’t do the right thing.

Unfortunately retaliation is insideous and you may not even realize it until you’re frozen out of the industry.  In job hunting, I’ve discovered that there is the cut and dry HR reference check and the ‘bar or golf or industry event’ reference check between friends.

I’ve even been asked by a former boss if I’d ever wored with an individual before when he knew we’d come from the same company.  I knew his work habits were horriffic even though he was the number one qualified candidate – until I told my boss about my expereinces with this individual.

Guess which one you can’t prove as retaliation and impacts you the most?

Post # 42
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee

Peachytalk :  I saw an article in cosmo where they shared stories of Starbucks employees being sexually harassed. After reporting to your company, try to find an online forum and share your story. Who knows, maybe it’ll get picked up and force your industry to shape up. 

I once reported sexual harassment and was labeled a troublemaker so I completely understand you reporting anonymously. I actually had a job offer rescinded because the prospective employer’s HR department was friends with my former employer’s HR department. They didn’t say that’s why the offer was rescinded but it was pretty obvious when I found out the two HR people were friends. 

Post # 43
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

bywater : I agree with you on that point that maybe it’s difficult for the OP to move around much in the airline industry. So maybe she can find some way to file an annonymous complaint? Maybe complain to a third party altogether instead of to HR?

It is hard to do the right thing, yes. But I have been in WORSE, MUCH WORSE situation and also not so bad situations. I work in a heavily male dominated professions. The most important lesson I learned in life from those bad experiences is that if something is wrong, I need to find the courage to speak up against all odds. And usually I was alone in my standing. Yes, there were times when I felt like this will be career ending, but guess what? After a while, nobody gives a sh*t and life goes on. But this time with your self-esteem intact. I got a great feeling that I set the precedence for commanding respect not just for myself but for my fellow ladies. Some people absolutely cannot stand up in certain situations. And that’s okay. But I found the courage to do so, and it indirectly helped them also. It’s also a great feeling not to be thought of as a second class citizen by anyone.

 

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