Post # 1
Hello Ladies I have a grand total of three bridesmaids (including MOH) in my wedding party. They all live in different states My Maid/Matron of Honor (best friend) is great. She already got her dress and is making sure she is definately here for the wedding in May. The other two A & N have been a bit of a problem to round up. They are my cousins. When I originally picked my bridesmaids I made sure I could count on them to buy the dress and show up which is basically all I am asking from them. The two bridesmaids have not bought their dresses yet mind you the wedding is 4 months away and I have not heard from A if she is definately going to be coming now. Well they have had some drama in their lives as of lately after I had already asked them to be bridesmaids and now they cannot even afford to buy their bridesmaid dresses. I understand traveling to FL for my wedding is going to be expensive to get here. Family is putting them up. But they have not even communicated with me about what is going on. I had to hear from other family members that A has gotten pregnant by a guy she has only known for 3 months. This makes finding a bridesmaid dress for a small woman who is going to be 5 months pregnant very tough.
Well I e-mailed N who is A’s sister (both bridesmaids) that I would send them $300 in a couple of weeks ($150) each so they can get their bridesmaid dresses. I would just need confirmation that they will definately be coming to the wedding. And N e-mailed me back I will call you tomorrow. We are definately planning on being there. However no thank you or anything. Geeze I am only sending them $300 plus paying for their hair and makeup to be done for wedding, buying their jewelry for wedding, and their clutch bouquet as well. For the two dresses and all three bridesmaids wedding day stuff it is costing me $700+ and all I have gotten is headaches and drama from these girls.
Also since they are all out of town they are not able to throw me any kind of bridal shower, we are probably just doing a low key bachelorette party when they get in town the week of the wedding. So it is not like they have to pay a lot of money for that. I am just upset that the two of them have not made too much of an effort for anything and then I get no thank you when I help them out with their dresses which are essenially their responsibility since they agreed to be bridesmaids months ago.
Just wondering if any of you other ladies are experiencing any drama from your bridesmaids too…..
Post # 3
Sorry you have to deal with this! I haven’t experiencedany drama yet Knock on wood!
Post # 4
Yess… I can empathize with you. I think bridesmaids and drama just come hand in hand. I’ve written two recent stories about some of the stuff that’s been going on.
FI’s cousin really wanted to be in the wedding, so I asked her to be and explained to her that her dress would be around $100. She said that was fine. Flash forward to last week, Future Mother-In-Law ended up having to buy her dress. No kidding! It was only $49 (thank goodness for DB sales!), but she had to have Future Mother-In-Law pay for it. Last night she went out to a nice dinner and got a new tattoo. So, I see where her priorities lie.
My other Bridesmaid or Best Man is FI’s sister. She is completely disengaged from everyone. Her only concern is her boyfriend. So, I can already tell it’s gonna be hell getting her to get a dress!
Surprisingly, my 19 year old sister (MOH), who I thought would be the worst, has ended up being the best. She has paid for her own dress and is really happy for me/not being a pain my ass.
Post # 5
“Geeze I am only sending them $300 plus paying for their hair and makeup to be done for wedding, buying their jewelry for wedding, and their clutch bouquet as well.”
The only thing that you can really complain about is the dresses. I agree that it sucks they couldn’t come through. Bridesmaid financial problems are no fun. As for everything else, those are your responsibilities as the bride. If you’re requiring that they have their hair and makeup done then you should cover it. If you want them to wear matching jewelry, you should provide it. And the bouquet or bouquet alternative is not for the bridesmaid, it’s for the bride. Even if they get to keep the clutch, you chose to have that option for them to carry. If you really think about it, you’re only spending as much as you’re requiring. The dresses, sure, I’ll give you that but you pretty much lost me on everything else.
Post # 6
@UpstateCait: I know the other stuff is my responsibility. I am not making them get hair and makeup done if they want to do it themselves then fine, I just thought it would be another nice gesture on my part. The thing that bothers me the most is that I get no cooperation or thank you from the two girls.
Post # 7
hugs. i know how it is.. 5 bridesmaids 5 different stages in life all are local but its hard. two dresses i paid the entire total,3 i paid half, get everyone $55 jewerly sets made and they want me to pay for hair and make up. i still need to buy flower girl dress for my daughter..
two of them wanted a hotel because they dont want to drive 45 minutes at 6 am on a saturday…
Post # 8
@asianyoushi: I feel for you. I hope they are not expecting you to pay for that hotel too.
Post # 9
i told them i will not pay for their hotel. fiance and i are paying for hotels for the out of town groomsmen– one is flying from florida and one is flying in from texas.. i seriously was flabbergasted the the 16year and 22 year even suggested i get them a hotel room. its 45 minute drive in moderate traffic i doubt there will be traffic at 6 am on saturday..
Post # 10
I have been a bridesmaid 8 times. Two times for destination weddings in Florida. It was really hard. Even if you are buying the dresses, they will have to pay for tickets to Florida, food, etc. It cost me about $1000 as a bridesmaid for each destination wedding I have attended, plus taking time out of my PTO bank at work. Even if you buy the dress, and your family is putting them up it can be extremely expensive for a Bridesmaid. If it is important that they be there for a wedding you planned far away, you should pay for the dress, makeup, hair etc. I agree they should say thank you. Even though the day is about you just realize that often being a bridesmaid can be a huge financial burden. It is very nice you are putting them up and paying for thier dress. They may just be frustrated about the expense of a destination wedding, and may be avoiding talking about it.
Post # 11
Hey, I have five – oh my – sometimes I wish I would have kept it to 3. Oh well, they are our friends – we love them everyday, even the days we don’t always like them
Post # 12
My wedding is a month away and none of my bridesmaids have bought their dresses either.
And they shouldn’t be thanking you to pay for their dresses. YOU should be thanking them for being gracious enough to be bridesmaids.
Post # 13
Ahhh, I totally understand. I’m sorry– they should have been very thankful to you for the $300! I had three bridesmaids also and bought all of their dresses. I kept trying to get into contact with one of them and didn’t hear anything back until the week before the wedding (“Umm…is it still on?” yes! that’s why I’ve been calling/emailing you! argh!). No shower, no bachelorette (I know I’m not entitled to these things, but it did make me sad), and one left my reception right after dinner (at like 6:30) without saying anything to me. Of the three, only one has responded to me in the time since the wedding (almost 2 years). As PPs have said, bridesmaids=drama!