(Closed) How much are you tending and involving your FMIL on the day of your wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

I want my Future Mother-In-Law to be just as involved as my own mother. I would be taking them both dress shopping with me, and seeing as our wedding will be closer to her house than my own parents, I’d probably take my Future Mother-In-Law to look at florists as well.

We plan to have my partner’s mother walk him down the isle, followed by my dad walking me down to give me away.

My Future Mother-In-Law is very important to me, and I want her to be a part of all the planning and the ceremony.

Post # 33
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

My Future Mother-In-Law is going to be lucky to be invited. 

Post # 34
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Future Mother-In-Law and I aren’t close. She’s not close with Fiance either (kind of peaced out of his life for 15 years). That being said, she moans to anyone who will listen that no one wants her around etc etc. So I will extend the invite of getting ready with me and my girls and mom- but that’s it. I don’t want her involved otherwise, luckily Fiance doesn’t care. His dad and step mom have been awesome though – his dad will be doing a reading.

Post # 35
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I never thought of her walking with fiance, but that would be really sweet. Otherwise she and my mother are involved with every part of the day, from the nail and hair salon, getting ready, prayers and pictures everything! I treat her just like my mom, and I wouldn’t dream about not having my mothers with me!

Post # 36
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

@Burtongirl:  First, when is your mother entering during the processional (if at all)? Second, are you paying for your mom’s hair and make up? I believe that both sets of parents should be treated equally, so if your mom is entering at the beginning before any bridal party, so should his mom. If your mom is taking care of her own beauty things, his mom should too. Also, I would think, if he’s so close to his mom, he would want her with him on his wedding day.

I would just stress the point of equality with your Fiance.

Post # 38
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Burtongirl: This is normal.

I would invite her to get ready with the bridesmaids, but let her know how early the beautifying process will begin and how much it will cost. She doesn’t have to know that you are paying for all of the bridesmaids, and if she already knows this, just explain that it is your gift to them for standing up in your wedding. 

We’re getting ready & getting married at the Future In-Laws home. I’m inviting both of our moms to get ready with us, but it will be a long morning so I don’t expect for my mom to be there first thing in the morning. I’m sure they will both just casually join us, or come and go as they please.

Post # 39
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Burtongirl:  I didn’t involve her in any planning, but for the day of she was invited to get ready with us, and Darling Husband did walk her down the aisle.

Post # 40
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m barely involving my own mother in wedding planning…took the parents to see the venue when we made the decision on it (since theyre paying), took my mother for my dress, took her along with 1 of my florist appts….

yeah that’s pretty much it. I’m doing everything myself. Fiance isn’t even that involved.

That’s sweet that he’s taking her down the aisle, i just wouldn’t want my own mother to feel upstaged in any way.

 

 

Post # 41
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Burtongirl:  Why does it matter if it is a few seconds before you?  It is after all  his day too.Cool

 

Post # 43
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

My husband has a very similar relationship with his mom.  We didn’t have the budget to pay for makeup for all the girls, and we definitely couldn’t afford to pay for hair and makeup for the moms too.  We only paid for the bridesmaids’ hair, the flower girl’s hair, and my hair and makeup.

We ended up inviting both moms to get their hair and makeup done with us, but told them in advance that they’d have to cover the cost.  My aunt actually ended up joining us too, and it made for a really fun morning!

I wouldn’t stress about it too much.  Since he is really close to his mom, she’s always going to be in your life.  So you better figure out how to have a good relationship with her now!

Post # 44
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think you HAVE to do anything, especially pay for her hair & makeup. That being said I’m involving my Future Mother-In-Law a lot, voluntarily though. I’m paying for FMIL’s makeup and hair because I am already paying for her 2 daughters that are in the bridal party. One of the girls (FI’s youngest sister) is 11, so Future Mother-In-Law will be there hanging out anyway. Its going to be me, my mom and sister, plus Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s 2 sisters, plus 3 of my best friends. They are all very nice and relaxed so I think it will be fun to have them around. Also while I care mostly about my mom and friends being there… I think Future Mother-In-Law will REALLY appreciate being involved. 

Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s dad (divorced) are both walking him down the aisle, but the order goes grandparents etc… then Fiance and parents, THEN bridesmaids and groomsmen, THEN ME and both of my parents. 

Post # 45
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Burtongirl:  hmmm well Ive never seen that before but I have seen what WE’RE doing….

Typically its just the girls Bridal Party that walks down before the bride….(are you guys doing a first look? because if not you can use it as an excuse to do it this way that way he wont see you). My Fiance is walking his parents in RIGHT bfr the actual processional starts…so some music starts someone is going to walk my mom in….then Fiance with his parents, then a 30 second pause on movement so he can hug his parents get in position and his parents seated. Then music switches for the Bridesmaid or Best Man and me…..

To be honest I think its a bit odd they/she would want to walk down right before you…In the middle of the processional. I think once the bridal party starts walking it should be just Bridal Party so people know whos who… if your Mother-In-Law is walking right before you people are going to think she’s in the Bridal Party….and unless shes wearing the same colour dress as the Bridesmaid or Best Man (If I saw this) I would be like WTF is going on?? whos this women walking after the Maid/Matron of Honor that isnt the bride????

I think you should insist on having them walk…. but bfr the BM’s…..The grrom should already be at the front awaiting your entrance…and building up the emotion as the BM’s are walking….It’s going to be pretty anticlimactic if he’s coming in right bfr you?????

 

Post # 46
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Burtongirl:  What if you had him walk down after his grooms men with his mom. Then you have your Bridesmaid or Best Man walk down and then you come down with your dad. 

I have a hubby who is the only child raised by his mom as well. So I am just trying to play fair, and think of how happy it would make not only Mother-In-Law but your Fiance.

Just some food for thought.

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