(Closed) How much are your parents contributing?

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 122
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom offered us half their life’s saving..which I think is super sweet of her (but would have covered 1/3 of the total budget). FI and I don’t feel right taking the money, so we have decided to do this ourselves. We have budgeted $500 to give to each set of our parents for their attires for the wedding day.  Their gift to us is their love and support that day. =) 

Post # 123
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

There are so many different schools of thought on this issue that it makes me dizzy, lol!

I am from the belief that if you are a responsible adult you pay for your own wedding.  I can’t imagine needing help to pay for a wedding – that would signify to me (to me, mind you please :)) that you cannot control spending and are irresponsible with money.  Of course I realize not everyone needs the help but I would never accept someone else’s money to pay for my wedding.  As someone else wrote, a wedding does not make you a contributing member of society or go towards providing you with a good future in the way education does, so to lump assistance in for both of those things seems crazy to me.

If I ever do have kids I would make sure that they don’t ever walk around expecting things to be given to them in life.  I think its a slippery slope.  While you could get a well adjusted and grateful child, I think you also run the risk of an entitled brat.  I also would never buy my child a car as a present, either.  Again, to be given something without working for it usually creates an entitlement mentality.  Much like the poster that said that if you aren’t going to pay for college and a wedding for your kid then why bother having them?  Wow…..just wow.  Is the pedastol permanently attached, lol?

 

Post # 124
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I’m Italian/Spanish from an affluent suburb of NYC where $80k weddings (hell, $80k sweet 16s) aren’t unheard of. On both sides of the family, weddings are a BIG DEAL and the bride’s parents are expected to contribute. I am extremely fortunate that my parents put away money for my college education and wedding from pretty much the day I was born.  I have a sister and brother and we were each allotted the same amount for our weddings.  We were each given $30k (not adjusted for inflation).  My sister’s wedding was 8 years ago and my mother still laments keeping the guest list to 150.  My sister contributed an additional $10k or so to the cost of the wedding ($40k total). For my wedding my mother raised the guest count to 200 people, but kept the budget at $30k. Believe it or not, $30k only covers the cost of the reception hall/food/beverage. I didn’t give myself a budget for my dress (bad idea) and I spent a bit too much (~$4k), so my fiance and I are looking at about another $15-18k in costs ($45-48k total). We’re extremely lucky (and my fiance is an only child) and his parents insisted that they contribute ~$5,000.  We don’t believe in credit cards, so we’re moving to a much cheaper apartment and using part of my savings to finance the rest of the wedding.

I’m sort of jealous of my brother and his future $30k check.  Is it too late to elope? 🙂

Post # 125
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am sure his and my parents will give us cash as gift on the wedding day, thats for Asian tradition, but we are paying for our own wedding. One good thing is all Asian guests give  cash as gift so we can recoupe some of the spending

Post # 126
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@luckyprincess: I don’t think it necessarily means I’m an irresponsible adult because my father is paying for my wedding. My fiancée is in law school, and I am in graduate school and will be for a long time. We were going to wait until my fiancée graduated, but my father didn’t want us to have to wait so he is paying for our small wedding. My father makes quite a bit of money, and he offered us a set amount of money with no string attached. I don’t see why I should have turned him down. I think it would be irresponsible of us to use our loan money to get married.

Post # 127
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My mother offered to pay for the food which is going to cost around $13,000. My dad passed away a year ago and she told me that my dad would want to contribute that much. I tried very hard to fight but she insisted on paying. FI’s parents are paying about $7,000. I already spent a great deal on deposits. I already spent money on reserving the reception venue, transportation, caterer, ceremony site (which is $850!!) so I already spent about $3000. I am planning on paying for my dress, flowers, hair, make up, decorations, etc. So I guess you can say my mom is paying for half (our budget is around $30,000 (yikes!)).. FI’s dad is paying for the alcohol (which comes out of the $7000). So far in the planning though all of the spending was done by me. I would feel really weird not paying a dime. I get pissed when I’m out with friends and one of them pays for my drink!

 

I applaud all of the ladies who are paying for their wedding.

Post # 128
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our total budget is around $30,000 for 150 people.  My parents have generously gifted us roughly 45% of our total budget and my fiance’s parents contribution will amount to around 10% of the budget.  We will be responsible for the remaining 45%. 

Post # 129
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

my parents are only paying for themselves as in wat they wear and travel fees including my 3 siblings my dad also gave me a check for $500 towards my wedding dress FI’s parents gave us $3000 to put towards the wedding how ever we choose to and also a new dryer everything else we are paying for ourselves

Post # 130
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

They aren’t at all!

Post # 131
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

Mr. Peng’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, my parents paid for 1/3 of the wedding and Mr. Peng and I paid for the remaining 2/3 of the wedding and the honeymoon!

Post # 132
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

His parents are paying for part of our (small) reception!  I’m not exactly sure what percent, because what they offer to help us with keeps changing (for the better).  They’re also paying for FH and I to stay in a nice hotel on our wedding night.  We really appreciate their help!

My parents: I think my mom offered to bring cookies to the 20 person rehearsal dinner, so let’s put them down for $5-$10.

Me: his ring, my dress and veil, beauty + bridal accoutrements (accessories, clothes and underwear for rehearsal dinner and wedding day). 

Him: everything else.

 

We’re 27 and 29.  I’m a student and finishing my degree in May.  My parents didn’t help me with school either, at all!  I’m a little bitter… I don’t necessarily think they *owed* me undergrad tuition, but their income didn’t allow me to qualify for FAFSA loans, so I was kind of screwed.

Post # 133
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My mother purchased my dress, and that was a total suprise.  I had no idea she was going to until I pulled out my CC to pay, and she told me to put it away.

My Future Mother-In-Law is getting the wedding cake.

Aside from that, we are paying for everything ourselves.

Post # 134
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was expecting to pay for the great majority, but recently my parents offered an extremely generous amount. I was flabbergasted but very thankful. It should pay for about 80% of our costs.

FI’s father paid for the engagement dinner. I’m not sure if his parents will offer more, but I’m fine if they don’t. I think now days it’s an extra for either set of parents to give money. It’s a very kind gesture but not a requirement. I would never have asked my parents to give me anything.

Post # 135
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

$0

Post # 136
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

my dad always told me he had a bank account set up for my wedding with about almost 20 grand but he recently got engaged and his fiance heard about his bank account and decided to take hold of it without even thinking of me for her wedding which she coincidentally planned for less than a month after mine. so now all my dad is pay for is the bar and we have to take out a loan for everything else since we had the money for everythihng from my dad up until a few months ago and we werent prepared to have to be paying for everything

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