Post # 1
Hi all, I’m 34, my boyfriend is 29, we’ve been dating over 2.5 years long distance. We see each other once a month for 4-5 days at a time. He is currently away on a trip to London to see friends for 10 days. Before he left we discussed communication, and he said he would text me at least once, if not more, a day.
Well, he has texted… but three days after I texted him first (and multiple texts trying to see if he’s okay), and a response saying “yes, I’m fine, I’m not always at my phone.” He has access to WiFi and has posted pictures on social media. I thought if he was really into me, he’d make an effort to text, send photos, share things with me. But it’s been mostly radio silence. I feel hurt and not like a priority. I asked before he left if he would call, and he said “I’m not calling, I took a solo trip to have time to myself, not be babysat.” Am I overreacting?
Post # 2
It’s less about what is reasonable, and more about that he agreed to a certain amount of contact & now seems to resent it, and is projecting that onto & blaming you. Uncool.
Post # 3
Hard to say what’s right or wrong. People are different. I know some mil spouses who are super happy when their SO is away and only talk once in a while…
We handle this differently however; when I am in Europe or husband is gone we talk every day at least 2-4 times. I sent him pictures all the time of everything (eg: look there’s a cute manhole). Before we were married he went to Korea for a couple of weeks. Same thing. He was sending tons of pictures of everything. We talked twice a day when he was walking to work and back.
that said I find it hard to say if you should be hurt or not. I don’t know how you communicate during your LDR on a daily base. Personally I would be beyond hurt if my husband would say things like that. There’s always time and WiFi while sitting on the shitter to sent an effin’ message and some pictures… that’s how I see it.
Post # 4
Different people have different needs.
My boyfriend was overseas for ten days in June. He texted at least once a day, often I would get 3-4 texts, and we had two Facetime calls during the trip.
That being said, if you agreed to daily phone contact and he isn’t following through, that is the issue.
Post # 5
I think it’s more weird to try and make a rule for X texts or calls a day in the first place. I would be more relaxed if a SO was on a trip with friends, but that’s just me. I take trips with my own friends for around a week sometimes, on one trip I might text multiple times a day, another I might be around people I haven’t caught up with for ages and we’re always running about so I don’t think about my phone as much.
Although if you are upset by this im wondering if not feeling like a priority is someone that has come up before?
Post # 6
I would want a check in per day, provided he’s able. And if hes posting pics on insta then obviously he is able lol.
This would be a pretty big flag IMO. “I’m not calling, I took a solo trip to have time to myself, not be babysat.” I mean I don’t like calling/talking on the phone, but that sounds sooo immature! I would be very hurt that calling your gf of 2.5 years is considered babysitting.
Post # 7
Yes, that’s what I’d figure, too. If he has time to post pictures on social media and like stuff on there but not text me, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t see me as a priority and isn’t that into me. I figure after 2.5 years, he’d be happy to share everything with me. We text pretty much everyday when he’s domestic, but to be honest, it’s very superficial. I’ve rarely had any deep conversations with him. I’m thinking about ending things when he gets back. I just feel very hurt, and that his true colors are showing. I feel like I’ve wasted over 2.5 years of my life, ugh. I feel sick to my stomach and very sad 😞 I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Post # 8
While I am not one to put perimeters on how often we should talk, I’d hope to receive at the very least one text everyday from my SO just to know he’s ok (doesn’t have to be a conversation, just let me know you are alive). He’s actually out of the country for work right now and I’ve received a few texts from him just giving me quick updates. And I do the same when I travel for work or pleasure. We don’t typically talk on the phone. But also, we live together, so we will catch up once he gets home.
I agree with leztrythisagain. You bf’s attitude stinks. He agreed to talk to you at least once a day and now he’s being a little bitch about it.
Post # 9
Do you have any plans to end the LDR and be in the same city? It can be hard to establish that deeper relationship when you are just reporting to each other on the phone/by text rather than creating memories/experiences together.
If you do decide to end the relationship, better at 2.5 years than after 4 years when you realize you still aren’t having meaningful coversations.
Post # 10
Yes, we were planning on closing the distance by me moving to where he is in NY in the next 6 months. I am a physician and am waiting on medical licensure in NY. I’m going to have to restart and rebuild my whole practice. He works at Lowe’s as an account manager. Even during my busy day at work in between seeing patients, I still manage to find a way to text him. He can’t even shoot a text while using the restroom. I feel like I’m sacrificing way too much. I sincerely appreciate everyone’s advice.
Post # 11
I don’t know that there is a right or wrong amount it is about compatibility and expectations. My husband and I are both pretty communicative people and talk at least once during the day and then will gchat or text a bit depending on how busy our days are, so this is normal to me. More or less our routine continues while we’re traveling though we do understand there may be times when the status quo isn’t doable (i.e. I like to go on spa vacations where you are to leave your phone in the room so he knows it’s more lilely it’ll be a call in the am and one at night). In your case it is the attitude that would bug me, I would never want to be in a relationship where someone treated being in touch with me like a chore. I think unfortunately you would think after 2.5 years you’d have more of a shared life together but I also think sometimes with a LDR it can turn into the occasional benefit of a SO without much effort.
Post # 12
Even during my busy day at work in between seeing patients, I still manage to find a way to text him.
Read this again.
If he wanted to make time for you, he would. But he doesn’t, so he isn’t. You deserve better
Post # 13
He can’t prioritize enough time to contact you to let you know that he is ok and you are considering uprooting your entire life for him?
Post # 14
This would be a huge red flag! He has atleast a few minutes a couple times a day when he’s going to the bathroom or before he goes to bed to text you.
You being a physician and still finding time to text him shows it obviously is very possible to communicate as such.
That comment he said about the phone call – big flag there too. He should be excited to share the things he’s doing/seeing with you!
My SO from last year rode down to Nashville and he tried his hardest to find spots for reception to text me and call me EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some spots they were in sucked for reception. But regardless, he was still texting when he could!
You deserve someone who puts in the same effort and can’t wait to share a fun trip with you – even if it’s a “good morning” and good night text with some context of how the day went.
Post # 15
Why are you the one moving? Restarting and rebuilding a practice is way more to expect than finding another job at Lowe’s or an equivalent position somewhere else. That just seems insane to me.
As to your original question my husband and I at least text once a day when one of us traveling. It’s not that hard to find 10 seconds to send a text to check in. Usually, we call once a day but sometimes a few texts is all we can get in. We’ve never been so busy we couldn’t check in for multiple days.