How Much Communication is Reasonable when your SO Travels Overseas?

posted 2 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: How long would you be okay with not hearing from your SO while he is traveling overseas?
    One day : (64 votes)
    69 %
    2-3 days : (25 votes)
    27 %
    A week : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Until they returned home : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 16
    2350 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    vanillamist :  I’m not calling, I took a solo trip to have time to myself, not be babysat.

    What a dick.  He thinks talking on the phone to his life partner is akin to being babysat?


    Post # 17
    6737 posts
    Bee Keeper

    How much time does it take to send a heart emoji to just let someone know you are thinking of them? 

    Refusing to call at all over TEN DAYs and being rude about it? And you’re planning to give up your medical practice to move for him? Why wouldn’t he move?

    Post # 19
    645 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    I think this is a reflection of a deeper problem in your relationship. You’re putting in all the effort. I find it absolutely incredulous that you were going to uproot your career for him, when it would have been much easier for him to move. Have you even discussed marriage or him moving to you? I love FH, but if he ends up moving out of state, we’re going to be LD. I am never, ever, ever taking the bar exam again. I can only imagine getting your license as a physician in another state is even harder. 

    I think you can do MUCH better. You did not waste 2.5 years. You dodged a bullet. Every relationship is a learning experience. Don’t waste any more time. 

    Post # 20
    2074 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I am not one to be texting my spouse all day, whether he is traveling or not, and sometimes we don’t text at all during the workday, but if went abroad and didn’t respond for 3 days, I would be very alarmed. Your boyfriend is being a jerk and obviously you are an afterthought to him. And  responding angrily when you asked him to call is unacceptable. Easier said than done, but I would tell him, it’s OK, he doesn’t have to call –ever again.

    Post # 22
    6835 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Yeah I think it becomes pretty obvious once you read this all out loud Bee. This dude is not into you and you deserve so much better. Time to move on. 

    Post # 23
    2761 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, but MUCH better to end it now before you uproot your life for this guy.  

    Post # 24
    6778 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    bee you sound like such an amazing catch!! Dont let this guy keep you hanging, go find yourself someone who deserves you! 

    Post # 25
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    A lot of PPs gave good advice and raised good questions and I agree with the general conesus – if you were important to him, he would communicate with you.

    Its funny this post got brought up, I was about to make a similar post because my husband leaves for a 9-day trip tomorrow evening and my anxiety is at an all time high because of it (that’s another novel in itself). I’m actually in therapy because my anxiety shoots through the roof when I don’t hear from Darling Husband after so long, I’m dreading dealing with my mind while he is gone because I always think worst case scenario why I haven’t heard from him. Per my therapist, she recommended a communication plan that Darling Husband and I could both compromise on so I wouldn’t badger him while he was trying to enjoy his trip and so he wouldn’t feel like he needed to be attached to his phone.

    ANYWAYS – your boyfriend should have spoken up and said “Nah… I want to limit my phone time on this trip. Can we try this plan instead?” I probably would have lost my shit on Darling Husband if he pulled that with me while he was on an extended trip OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Since your intentions of how often you communicate seem to stem from a place of genuine care, I don’t think you are overreacting and you have every right to be pissed and not feel like a priority (because it doesn’t sound like you are).

    I’m sorry bee… you don’t deserve someone who treats you like this.

    Post # 26
    883 posts
    Busy bee

    vanillamist :  If he truly missed you, he would be sending random pics of London, and checking in once a day, or so, even if to share with you what a great time he’s having, and all of the places he’s visited—he’d be excited to share this with you. At this point, I wouldn’t pursue him further. I would wait, and see if he started reaching out to me again; I wouldn’t put so much effort into someone who wasn’t reciprocating. My guess is you’ll hardly have contact from him  while he’s away, if any contact at all. 

    To answer your question, I would be OK with a text once every other day, or so; however it would be completely out of character for my fiancé to not text me at least once a day.

    I would probably seriously reconsider moving to be closer to this guy. You have to be honsest with yourself, and ask who’s chasing who? 

    Post # 27
    1347 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    vanillamist :  Nope, you’re definitely not overreacting. My husband travels internationally for several months of the year, and sometimes we don’t speak for weeks; so I’m on the extreme end of limited contact while travelling… but even I would not be ok with what your boyfriend has done! He’s a dick. You can do so much better!

    Stay in Ohio and find someone who actually cares about you. 

    Post # 28
    2350 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I agree you sound amazing!  Laid-back, smart, educated, you have your shit together.  You deserve someone who worships you and you can definitely find that once you dump this loser.  Rip that bandaid!

    Post # 29
    664 posts
    Busy bee

    He sounds like a dick. 

    Edited to add… read more of the thread. Yep, dump this asshole. 

    Post # 30
    9718 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Girl, you can do so much better than this!!

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