How Much Communication is Reasonable when your SO Travels Overseas?

posted 1 year ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: How long would you be okay with not hearing from your SO while he is traveling overseas?
    One day : (64 votes)
    69 %
    2-3 days : (25 votes)
    27 %
    A week : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Until they returned home : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 46
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2020

    At least once per day is totally reasonably.  My FH sometimes travels for work overseas and we figure out the time differences and figure out when we can start texting (usually when either of us wakes up depending on time difference) and then again before one of us has to go to sleep.  I don’t think it is too much to ask for some consistent communication. 

    Post # 47
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I chose 2-3 days in the poll, but after realizing we’re talking about ANY communication vs. a phone call, I would revise to 1 day. My husband and I don’t have to have a phone conversation every day, but if I didn’t hear from him at all for more than a day I would honestly get worried. A simple quick “good night” text or whatever is not too much to ask.

    What stood out from the first post is when you said “if he was really into me.” I feel like after 2.5 years, you shouldn’t have to wonder about whether he’s really into you or not. I’m sorry 🙁

    Post # 48
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    When I was away in Japan with friends  I was able to text my fiance at least once a day (we actually ended up texting more than usual since our sleep schedules ended matching up with the time difference, in the US I go to bed pretty early around 9pm/10pm and he goes to bed around 5am/6am). When I was in Japan we were actually both awake for once during the same time! When I did come back he did end up complaining for the next several months that I never called him while I was away for a week 🙄, I was with friends I rarely ever see! I’m not gonna stop exploring the country with them just to talk to you!

    It’s important to say how often you want to talk while your SO is awaybefore they go away, don’t go crazy while he’s gone and don’t give him grief about it afterwards when nothing can be done.

    Post # 49
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    vanillamist :  

    The tone of his message about taking a solo trip so he didn’t have to be “babysat” gave me a visceral reaction. An angry reaction on your behalf, OP.

    It reminds me of an ex of mine who was selfish to the core.

    An occasional phone call and a daily text during a 10 day trip would be a minimum requirement for me, and I tend to be quite easygoing about these things. The more worrying aspect, aside from his minimal communication, is his attitude towards you and your feelings. The fact that he has the audacity to throw it in your face like that when you address the communication issue would just be a hard no for me.

    I would thank him for finally giving me clarity on who he is and what his priorities are, and I would end the relationship without losing another second. As you said, you have already spent 2.5 years sacrificing for someone who has not given you a fraction as much in return. One visit to you in 2.5 years? Hell no, girl. Set the bar much, much higher.

    Post # 50
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

    Me and my husband travel a lot without each other. We text everyday and probably speak once a week. Neither of us like talking on the phone. 


    Post # 51
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    vanillamist :  yes. Please break up with this jackass. You are a doctor and are willing to drop your practice to move for him and he can’t even text you on a regular basis? Wtf? 

    Post # 52
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    My husband has travelled to remote parts of China, Kenya, India – places where it’s harder to keep contact. I think two days is the max I’ve ever not heard from him. No one loses internet in London. 

    Post # 53
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    He’s a dick and does not value you. Don’t move!

    Post # 54
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    If my husband went abroad and I didn’t hear from him for a whole day (let alone longer) I’d be worried sick! We may be on the extreme end of the communicative spectrum, but we text each other mimimally every few hours when apart. 

    Obviously everyone is different, but I agree with most PPs that this relationship doesn’t sound worth continuing. Sorry OP!

    Post # 55
    933 posts
    Busy bee

    I travel at least three days a week for work (dometically), and my husand routinely travels internationally for work (like at least once a month) . We pretty rarely catch up at those times. Every so often we’ll phone or send a text or an email, but days will often go by when we are just busy or the time change doesn’t work well for our schedules. It’s not a big deal. I suspect a lot of the people who are into constant contact are folks for whom intenraitonal travel is not a regular occurance. 

    Post # 56
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2029

    View original reply
    vanillamist :  I have learned that communication is what people are comfortable w/.  You don’t need to text 24/7, but 3 days with no text is quite a long time.  If he has access to wifi, he can message you period, no ifs ands or buts about it.  I’ve learned that if the person you are dating posts to social media, but goes long hours/days without texting you, there is something wrong.  I dated a guy long distance.  He was constantly active online, but would take half a day or more to text me.  Found out he wasn’t all that interested.

    What he said about babysitting is rude!  I would say reevaluate your relationship.  When my Fiance (then bf), went on a trip, he texted me as much as he could (they were on a ship).  I didn’t have to force or beg him to do that.  The long distance guy wasn’t worth my time or emotions.  If he is distant, forget him.  You can get a much more fulfilling relationship with a guy who is local.  The guy also promised to communicate more, but he never did.  I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but I would break up.  If you talk things out and nothing changes, no amount of more discussion is going to change that.

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