Post # 1
My wedding isn’t until March 2012, but I’m starting to think about colors and decor for the ceremony and reception. We have a venue, photographer, and DJ booked, all of which Fiance & I agreed on. We, however, don’t agree on the color scheme and certain decor. I have this clear vision in my head of using silver, grey, and white with an accent color (which I had originally wanted to be Tiffany Blue). When I told my Fiance this, he said he didn’t like it and had pictured a bright color, like orange or fuschia. Orange is a color I definitely wouldn’t pick for my late winter/early spring wedding, and fuschia I’m not so crazy about either. Also, when I showed him a picture of a centerpiece that I absolutely love he didn’t like it. He said it was “too modern”.
So Bees, what do I do? How much did you involve your Fiance in your planning? If you fell in love with something that Fiance didn’t really like, would you scratch the idea or use it anyways? Thoughts?
Post # 3
My Fiance and I are literally planning EVERYTHING together. We are doing black, ivory, and an aubergine accent color. It took a lot of arm twisting to agree on the aubergine! I like that he ACTUALLY cares, as I see so many stories of FIs who are uninvolved in the planning process or who couldn’t care less about colors, flowers, etc.
Compromise. If he picks the color (it’s only an accent color, right?), you pick the centerpiece. Or vice versa. And be thankful your Fiance has an opinion. It’s his wedding too.
Post # 4
Yay month twin!! I’m much more into wedding planning than he is, but he does like to have his say. After two or three times of me finding something I loved and him stating that ‘neh, I don’t like that,’ we had a talk about how the wedding planning will go and how much involvement we each wanted.
It sucks to research an idea and then fall in love with it to have it shot down, and he got that after I explained it. As long as you talk about where you’ll be compromising and holding firm, what’s really important to who, etc, before it’s actually about something, it’ll be a good base to come back to if someone’s really getting attached to an idea/thing. Then you know when things are open for discussion vs ‘he really loves fuschia, so he can have it, and he’ll give me a pass with the centerpieces.’
I see it as discussing chores when there aren’t any to do rather than fighting over who’s doing the pile of dishes….preventative measures 🙂
Post # 5
Since its both of your wedding day, you should be equally involved. He may not have a vision of what he wants, but it sounds like he has a vision of what he doesn’t want. I would say you two should sit down and go over your grand scheme ideas to see where you differ. Then, start the compromises. My ex and I were totally equally involved (he was an artist, hard not to involve him) and we made some ground rules. The best one was that each was allowed one veto for anything. I used mine on a guest, he used his on an entree. We had vastly different idea of flowers and that was a very difficult compromise but we ended up okay.
This is a wonderful way for the two of you to begin to practice the art of compromise and communication for your marriage. Good luck!
Post # 6
Ooh hi month twins! 😀
Okay, here is what we’ve done. He seems like he’ll be more involved than I expected, haha. So we did this: We both made a “top list” of the three most important things to us. Magically, only one of them was on both of our lists (venue.) So we are deciding that one together completely. Our other two, I decided he could have free reign on his two (within budget) and same for me.
The rest of the small details we’re both pretty laid back on and haven’t nailed anything down yet. We have chosen a color “idea.” As in, we both like jeweltones (navy, dark purple, dark green) but we haven’t chosen one yet.
I get that Tiffany Blue is probably not that exciting to a man. 🙂 Maybe compromise on other things or find a color you both like. There has got to be at least one!
Post # 7
My Fiance are working on some things together, and some things he just leaves up to me. The big decisions we made together, venue/photographer, but the details he’s left up to me. I’m working really hard to make it a relflection of both of us, because if it was just me, everything would be pinks and floral patterns! We are having some pinks and florals, but we’re also having rustic/vintage/science stuff that he loves, too. Maybe you could come up with a couple ideas, and have him rate them. Like do you like this centerpiece or that centerpiece, this color napkin or that color napkin. Narrow it down to a few things you like, then have him make the final decision.
Post # 8
Yay March 2012! 🙂
The more I think about fuschia, the more it grows on me. I never thought my wedding would have any sort of pink in it, but I played with a virtual tabletop thing on one of the event rental websites, and it actually looks really good. Orange, however, is definitely out 😉
@ameliabedelia – I love your idea of writing down the 3 most important things to us and then comparing. That’s great! We’re going to have to try that.
@luckyprincess – I love the idea of each of us having one veto. Definitely using that! Thanks!
I think what frustrates me the most is that I’m doing all of the research. The same thing happened when we were choosing the venue. We both love the venue we decided on, but it’s at the top of our price range. We went with it anyways, because we were able to negotiate, but during the process it was always me researching the places. He’d say “we need to find somewhere less expensive” and I’d say “okay hun, YOU do some research and tell me a couple places you would like to visit.” He never did.
The same thing is happening with the centerpieces and decor. Typically the groom isn’t going to sit there for hours looking at centerpieces and table decor, but it’s frustrating to find things I love and get them shot down, when I have no idea what HE likes. He’s not the easiest to ask about these things either. If i ask him what he wants, he says “I don’t know.”
I think I’ll try the compromise approach with the centerpieces too, like the color. Maybe I’ll ask him what he doesn’t like about it. Maybe there’s just one element of it that he doesn’t like, and we can switch it with something to make it more of his taste.
Thank you ladies for the great ideas so far! 🙂
Post # 9
Lol – sounds like we’re with the same guy! He says ‘i don’t know’ when I ask what he would like but has a lot to say if he doesn’t like what I choose 😛 Plus, same thing here, I’m ALWAYS doing the research. Since we aren’t doing any planning for a wedding or anything yet, I’ll have to use our vacation decisions to relate, here. I always find all the vacations for us and ask if he wants to do it. Then, I go through and choose three choices with each area (where to eat dinner, which room to get, what excursion to do) and present them to him and say ‘pick one or if you don’t like any than why’. That’s the only way to get info from him. Or, I’ll say ‘I need you to set aside an hour today to go over this with me so we can make a decision’.
Post # 10
I think that it’s just most guys! My Fiance, too, is in the ‘I don’t like it….but I don’t know why’ camp. Our rule now is that it’s entirely fine to not like something, but out of appreciation for the one doing all the leg work and research, you need to be able to explain what it is you don’t like about something, and suggest some alternatives (that you’ve looked into yourself). This sure gets comical sometimes, esp if he doesn’t like something about a bridesmaids dress! Haha.
Post # 11
FI’s pretty laid back about everything and trusts my judgement so as far as decor goes, whatever I want is fine with him. He could care less about centerpieces or flower types. He’s been involved in all major decisions like booking the vendors, deciding on cake flavors, meal options, music choices, etc…
If your Fiance is truly not feeling your decor and color scheme ideas, then you’ll have to find a happy medium since it is his wedding too.
Post # 12
@mikaylav3: The “top three” worked really well for us. He was really into “the drive away car” being a classic. I said sure, whatever. I was really into how big it was (ie, I don’t want every single person I’ve ever met there) so he said, alright sure. It’s just some form of compromising that keeps us both happy. We both still get a little of our original vision mixed in with our other compromises. 🙂