(Closed) How much did you really change in your early twenties?

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have matured so much, I know that is a generic term… but I had a lot of problems in my early 20s because I was still so involved with my family and I had a horrible first boyfriend who had a lot of problems (extreme extreme manic depression).  It was a really hard time.

I have so many less problems now and I am comfortable with who I am.  I was taught to kiss butt and please people.  I really choose my friends now and take a lot less crap.  I care a lot less what anyone thinks.  The further I have been from my family the better I have been doing in every aspect.  There are some unhealthy people in my family…  one of them tries to ruin my life due to her illness.  I was struggling so much in basic ways that it was difficult to take care of myself in other ways- like working toward a career.  Now, with the support of Darling Husband I feel like I can do, or not do, anything I feel is right.  I was never allowed to be myself growing up (I had to act perfect, do the things my parents wanted, be what and how they wanted, pursue their interests and dreams.  It was bad!)  I was not allowed to make mistakes in HS, so in college I made plenty, now I feel comfortable settling down and have convictions about things.  Mostly, I feel much more confident.  I never believed I deserved much before (oh that horrible ex!)

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am just shy of 28, started dating Fiance when I was 25. So the reason for my answer is not that I was with him during that time period.

Honestly, I did not change that much between 18-25 as far as my perception, although it would be interesting to hear what friends and family would say about that. And the changes that did occur happened more because of experiences. If those experiences hadn’t happened until later, I don’t think I would have had the changes until later. Here are a few things that changed – they are tweaks rather than life direction changes. I think I would have been fine if I had met someone at 20-22 and married them.

Bought a house – learned not to care about other people’s opinions as much and not to ask for opinions I don’t want to hear.

Worked in a terrible job and ended up quitting on the spot (totally out of character for me) – Learned that sometimes burning bridges is a good thing, and no one else is going to fix your life. You have to take control. 

Those are honestly the only two HUGE paradigm changes I can think of. I went through 2 serious relationships/breakups during that time and don’t really feel all that changed because of them. 

I think some people just solidify their views and traits a little earlier in life. Now, Fiance – I have seen big changes from 26-28 while we’ve been dating. However, I think it has to do with him being in a group of friends that matured a little later, and them finally starting to finish school, move away from their hometown, get “real” careers, get married, etc. Come to think of it, I have almost always been friewas with people older than I am, and they are about one life stage ahead of me (I am getting married, most of them have babies), so I wonder if that impacts it. I am a big believer that who you hang out with colors your world view in a big way.

Post # 5
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cookie86:  At 21 I was naive and self contained. I began to mature as a woman at 25ish and I really began to come into myself at 30. 21-25 I was slightly different…21-30 there were some major changes and maturity.  

Post # 6
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee

I changed dramatically from 17-21. At 21-22 I really came to be the person I am. I moved out of my parents house early and was pretty misguided in the first few years of aldulthood, so I did alot of tough learning and mistake making but I know that it ultimately made me the person I am.

Post # 7
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I became so much more compassionate and so much less selfish. My basic morality is the same, but I have a much kinder world outlook and I am much less focused on myself, monetary gain, always being right, etc. I became a much better communicator too. I’m much more of a global citizen now. The man I married in my early 20s was very selfish and focused on worldly goods. As I matured, that caused a lot of conflicts. I would never be with someone like that now. He’s still very self-focused.

Post # 8
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I changed a lot.

I have to admit, I was fairly unaware when I was in college. I grew up in a pretty wealthy family and went to a snotty private college where a lot of people were from upper middle class backgrounds. I never really had to work for anything so that led to me staying kind of immature in a lot of ways. I wasn’t deliberately inconsiderate, I just didn’t understand how the world worked. 

I also had MAJOR problems with self-confidence and was overly concerned with what other people thought of me/having friends/being invited out on Saturday night (if I wasn’t, I would sink into a funk that lasted into the next week). I based a lot of my self-worth on other people’s opinions of me. 

Moving across the world and working for pennies in a place of extreme poverty, early death, etc, was the greatest learning curve ever. It obviously did wonders for my awareness. It also did wonders for my self-confidence to have every possible challenge not just in regards to professional life but daily living thrown my way and still do a good job anyway (of course that new confidence has been partly destroyed by job-searching but that’s a different post).

As far as what was important to me in a partner, I never really thought about that in my late teens/early 20s. I wasn’t even really interested in being in a committed relationship, much less thinking about marriage. If I had gotten into a serious relationship, I probably wouldn’t have asked the right question (ex. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have talked quite a bit about parenting philosophies, I don’t think it would’ve occurred to me to do so when I was younger because kids-as much as I loved them-weren’t on my radar yet.)

So I think a changed a ton, but I think that people who have more responsibilities as a teen/college student might not change all that much because they’ve had to grow up at an early age.

Post # 9
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I will be 25 in May.  I think what’s changed about me the most is that I have become more financially aware and sensible.  I wasn’t blowing money or spending too much because I never really had it to begin with.  I’m just super careful about my decision making and constantly making sure that I am not jeopardizing our income and life.  Other than that, I’ve been the same I’ve been since I was a teenager.  Very outspoken, bright, and a good head on my shoulders.  People disagree with the phrase “I had to grow up early in life”, but I stand by that.  I had no other choice and I will grow with time and new experiences, but not by age.

Post # 10
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

starting out, i was a judgemental bible thumper. all gay people were going to hell, i threw away a friendship because she turned all gothy, etc.

i am still a christian… but i now realize that the bible has been translated and re-translated several different times by HUMANS. so while i can trust the general message and believe that jesus is my savior… i think a lot of stuff may have been added or taken away by people for their own personal gain. so there are a lot of details that i will leave to the wayside until He can confirm them.

it is this one thing that changed me a lot. and i sincerely believe my husband and i never would have even met if i hadn’t.

Post # 11
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah I changed a lot. I became a lot more outwardly focused, and became a much better friend/partner/daughter/sister etc. I also became more secure in myself so I did not need to look for validation from the people around me but could find it from within. I also learned how to manage a home, work full time and be successful, manage money etc.

 

Post # 12
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I changed so much. My outlook on life, my values and morals, what was important in life, what I wanted in a husband, what kind of friends I wanted in my life, my faith. Just about everything.  That is why a lot of people get concerned a lot with younger people wanting to get married. It can work- but statistics aren’t in their corner because people do change a lot and both people don’t usually grow into compatible partners that want the same things from marriage and life. I am thankful I met my now husband when I did in life! 

Post # 13
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I changed a lot from the ages of 18-24, and then had another major period of personal growth from 28 or so to 32. Now at 32, I truly am a totally different person than I was A 18. My views on everything from religion, to family values, to career, to what I want out of life, to what I need in a partner, to my political beliefs….they are all a complete 180 from me at 18.  My travels to Zimbabwe, Vietnam, India, Argentina, and many other places in my 20’s really just changed everything about me. I became stronger and more independent, I realized I was much happier “alone” than with any man that was going to bring me down. And I still stand by that. Reading all the problems women post here on the bee about men they are choosing to keep in their lives—- men with so much baggage and drama— it just makes me glad i got to discover for myself that I’m perfectly happy alone.

luckily, I met my husband at 30, so I have a wonderful partner who fits the grown-up me. We’ve never had any of the issues people post about here, so it makes me feel very…lucky, I guess, for lack of a better wordthat my life went in the direction it did.

I expect that my impending motherhood will change me even more, and I’m looking forward to seeing how.

Post # 14
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My Values and what I wanted didn’t really change. My self confidence did grow a lot as I matured and experienced new things. 

Post # 15
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m technically still in my early twenties, but I’m definitely a different person from who I was at 18.

I think what really did it for me was moving out of my dad’s house and to a new city, getting my first “career” job, having to learn responsibility, budgeting and all that jazz. I’ll admit I was raised to be a bit of a spoiled brat, and being on my own brought me into a new perspective where I didn’t have everything handed to me. I gladly welcomed the change!

Post # 16
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ll be 25 in March.

I had a somewhat unnormal childhood. I moved out of my parents place when I was 15 – well, it was more of a boot out the door. My parents were divorced and my mother could not afford to keep the house, and pay for everything a teenage girl needs. I lived with a few families, one was a devout christian family… one was jewish. After about 3 months in each place, I decided I would just do it on my own. I went out and got a full time job, dropped out of school and got my GED so it’d be faster than HS. . I grew up very fast between the ages of 15-18. I made some bad choices, had a daughter at a young age – got with a couple of bad guys, and that made me grow up even faster. I was determined to do things on my own, dispite a less than fortunate childhood. And since then, I’ve never looked back.

Overall, I still feel 18.. but that’s because I wasn’t your typical 18 year old. I was already out of school, and had a full time job by that point. I work hard for the things I have and I’m proud of it. People who don’t know my real age assume I’m 18 and still in high school, not because I act that way, but because I look very young. 😀

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