How much do you know?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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loj5217 :  I don’t know much. I know certain sexual things he’s never done because it came up when discussing what we like, what we don’t like.

I never asked him how many people he slept with before me, he never asked me how many men I’d slept with before meeting him. 

He basically only had one serious girlfriend before me, so we had discussed that and also my serious relationship that I had before him but nothing about the sexual aspects of those relationships. I don’t know the name of this girl that he dated, but I know why they broke up. My husband knows more about my ex, including name and more details because it was a much more seriousm, long term relationship and I learned a lot about what I want out of a relationship/partner after that ended. This came up early on in our relationship, like within the first month.

What we’ve done and with who really isn’t really relevant to our relationship.

Post # 3
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I know how old he was when he lost his virginity and we discussed numbers when we first met, but I don’t remember it now. I only know the name of one person he’s had sex with because she was the ex of his former roommate and he had mentioned her before he told me they slept together. 

As for relationships, he only had one other “long term” relationship, but it only lasted a year. The rest were a month or less. He knows my limited dating history. 

Post # 4
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I know pretty much everything, but he only had one other relationship besides me. I know her name because they were still friends when we got together (which didn’t last long, he found out she cheated on him…a lot). I know that she was his first, and can infer that anything sex related (discussed mostly in terms of preferences or things we’ve tried/want to try) we talked about was with her.

We’ve both been very open with each other about our pasts, but neither of us feel the need to go into explicit detail about anything because neither of us really care what the other one did before we got together.

Post # 5
2989 posts
Sugar bee

I’m weird so I knew this info about most of my exes. I know roughly how many girlfriends my husband had. I also know a few of them were serious. One of them he lived with. 

I also know how many partners he’s had. I know his overall history. He knows the same about me. We also know when we lost our virginity. 

We don’t really talk details with our relationships in terms of  how long, their names, if we were in love, etc. I think usually that is just kinda pointless. 

Overall though I’m a pretty open book and I always wanted a partner who is the same. 

Post # 6
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Not a ton but it’s really not that significant to me. I’m sure there are situations where it might be, though. He asked me a few months in how many people I’d slept with – I gave him an estimate and said his was about the same. I obviously know about his ex wife and one other significant girlfriend he had in college, his first “serious” relationship, because and they still talk occasionally. He may have mentioned one other woman by name but I can’t quite remember. He was married young and it was 25 years ago lol so there’s not a lot of immediate past to know about- probably why it doesn’t matter much to me. I know he was with at least one person between his ex wife and I but I don’t know who or if it was serious

Post # 7
483 posts
Helper bee

Everything. It’s very important to me, so I wouldn’t have married anyone if I didn’t know their history.

Post # 8
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We 18 and 19 when we started dating so it was easy to come clean and say what we had done. I wanted to know and so did he. Depends on the person I guess

Post # 9
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We discussed exes in a very general way pretty early on in our relationship…maybe like a month or two in. I don’t know the names of all his past gfs or how many sexual partners he’s had, but I do know about his most serious relationships prior to me, and he knows about mine as well. 

When we first started dating, both of us had somewhat recently gotten out of long-term relationships and I think were still processing those, so we talked about those a bit with each other. For example, I wanted to know why he and this ex had broken up…I feel like that type of info is useful in vetting a new partner! But after one or two convos about our exes early on, we pretty much dropped the topic of exes and it hasnt’ really ever come up again in the ensuing four years we’ve been together. It’s just not relevant. I don’t want to know how many sexual partners he’s had… it could be he’s had 4 or it could be he’s had 40 – it just isn’t relevant to our relationship and neither of us sees any point in delving into that stuff.

Post # 10
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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loj5217 :  very little and that’s the way I like it. I really don’t care who he was with before, when or why. He’s with me now and that is all that matters.

I mean we don’t hide anything either, like we have a general gist of each other’s dating history but we’ve never talked about our sexual histories because we don’t care.

Post # 11
7811 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I never asked Dh, and he never asked me, so we both know almost nothing about the other’s past relationships. I never felt the past impacted either of us enough to really matter. I mean, if he had been controlling or just a general asshole, it wouldn’t have mattered if previous relationships had caused his issues or not; I wouldn’t have stayed with him. 

We’ve been married for over 20 years, so I know a LOT about him, but neither of us has ever brought up that aspect of things because it didn’t matter to us. IMO, it only serves to make people anxious or insecure or jealous. It is rare that someone can hear all the details about a person’s past romantic and sexual relationships and never feel a twinge of uneasiness (though I am sure there are some people who are completely fine with it). And I also feel that if a person will be completely neutral about the information, then why does it matter at all? 

Post # 12
1507 posts
Bumble bee

I know about an ex girlfriend and some of that story line, his older friends knew her and I’ve heard some things. But I know nothing about any previous sexual partners, nor do I want to know. I’ve also never shared my own information with my husband. I don’t think it’s any of each others business personally, unless kids were involved or something like that.

Post # 13
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Pretty much everything. But we were best friends long before we were a couple, like starting in 4th grade. I don’t know it because I asked for it, I know it because he HAD to brag about touching a boob any time it happened. 

I wouldn’t expect numbers and names and deets from someone I met as an adult. 

Post # 14
2643 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Our relationship has nothing to do with past relationships. DH and I never thought it was something that needed to be discussed. 

Post # 15
392 posts
Helper bee

I know pretty much everything, we were best friends for 4 years before dating so I even got to see him dating another girl while we have known each other.

We don’t have secrets or hangups and neither of us are jealous. (i’d say my SO is more compared to me)

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