(Closed) How much do you sacrifice for your husband

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

For an hr drive, why do you have to move? I am only 30 miles from my job, after traffic, I am spending 45-1hr one way in the car.  The communte smucks……but hey.

Post # 18
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Linz1231: same, except we spend 12 months a year apart. he moved away to get a dream job and i was cool with it. he also graduated 6 months before me. i have no qualms with how that worked out, it was a great opportunity and he’s happy doing what he’s doing. i graduated last year and got a great job in town immediately so we’re simply having a LDR while we make some good money and get amazing job experience. in the long run, it is the best thing for us as a couple since we’ll be more financially capable and be able to get better jobs. If Savannah’s only an hour away then yes, i say “pack your sh*t” and get a real job or just commute lol. really, if you do decide that you HAVE to move, then you can see each other anytime you want – an hour is nothing! we live 9 hours away from each other and only see each other once a month at best. you can easily spend every weekend together and even select weeknights.

Post # 19
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

I think try the commute- if it doesn’t work you could always find an apartment or something! Who knows, if you start off commuting, you might meet someone in Savannah who has a room or something you could rent which would let you save money and still help with the rent for your weekend place with your fiance. Don’t put your career on hold, I would just give it a try and see how it goes. Nothing is permanent unless you want iot to be, just don’t sign any year leases!

Post # 20
3670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally agree to move somewhere in between and both of you can commute.  I think that’d be the easiest choice and I don’t think you should settle on a job.  I actually graduated in May and my fiance doesn’t graduate until this upcoming May.  I have a job that is great experience, although not a lot of money and not super fantastic, but I still live here with him.

Post # 21
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fiance graduates a year and a half before I will. Even though we would love to be together once he’s out of school, we’ve decided to live in the town where he’s been attending school (an hour/hour fifteen from my school location). So he will stay there to find the great job, and once we’re married I’ll move there and finish out school making the commute. Moving to Savannah would not be just for you, it’s a good step for your career and for your life together as husband and wife. Plenty of people here commute the hour +, even in brutal winters, so one of you commuting or moving to a more central location together could be viable options for sure. 

Post # 22
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@elliestan – wow! It’s different, isn’t it.  After two years I am still working on getting used to it.  He works for professional baseball, so he is gone every March-October.  It’s hard, but seeing him happy is so, so worth it! PM me if you ever need to vent! 🙂

Post # 23
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you not married yet, then I think it would be okay to get a better job in the next town.  It will be better for both of you if you are making more money.  And you can visit on the weekends.  I think you should just apply everywhere and see where you get a job first.  When I graduated the Mcjobs wouldnt hire me bc I had a degree and they wanted college students working there (yes at 3 diff interviews they told me this).  The better jobs wouldnt hire me for lack of experiance.  You just dont know what you are going to get.  Keep your options open.

Post # 24
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I sacrificed the chance to continue my education (and get a PhD or MFA after my MA) in order to move 5 hours to the town where then-boyfriend was living. I didn’t even apply though, so I don’t really know whether I would have really had that opportunity or not. The first year I moved I struggled because I had only a part-time job and it was hard financially. I also didn’t know anyone except his friends, so I had to rebuild a social network. I missed my family too; I don’t like living so far from them, but moving was best for our relationship.

After that year, I kind of drifted into a career teaching at the high school level, when I’d really prefer to teach at the college level (again, not sure whether I’d really have the chance to do so or not; I’m sure it would have been hard to find a position like that). My teaching high school makes us a lot more financially stable, even though the job is really hard and stressful for me.

Also, my husband is not Catholic and I am, and it’s sometimes kind of sad to think about how he doesn’t share my faith. It was kind of a sacrifice to give up the chance of sharing faith with the man I love, but it was worth it.

Post # 25
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If it’s only an hour away, why not just commute? That’s not that bad of a drive.

Or, you guys could move halfway between the city and your town so that you both are reasonable driving distance. There are some very easy fixes to your problem that don’t involve you having to give up a career for him (which you shouldn’t do, imo, so glad my career was established before I met my husband so that I didn’t have to go through this. Hang in there!)

Post # 26
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I sacrifice my time with my husband to make more money so we can have a better life.  I am working 2 jobs now so that later on, we can retire early and enjoy ourselves, and hoping that my making more money will afford him an easier job so he can actually enjoy retirement (he’s a mechanic, a damn good one, but it takes such a toll on your body its ridiculous).  It sucks, but it will be worth it in the end.  I say, take the job!! Commute at first, and if that doesn’t work, find a place that you both can rent with equal commutes. Trust me, do NOT give up your dream.  Marriage is about give and take, and you both need to be happy. While it may suck that you don’t get to spend as much time together now, think about the future and how much better it will be because of the decisions you make now.  It is totally worth it, and if you both work towards the end goal, then it doesn’t seem so bad

Post # 27
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you stay and take a job that you don’t really want you’re running the risk of resenting if you can’t get the job you do want further down the road. 

Post # 28
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

my commute is almost an hour… that might be an option?  i say especially if your not married you have to do whats best for youu and in the end it will benefit the relationship a. because you wont resent him and be youll be contributing to the best you can

Post # 29
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If I were in that situation I would talk to my FH so that we were on the same page about what would happen next. I finished my PhD program when my now-husband and I were living together, but were not yet engaged, and I knew that I was going to have to leave the town we lived in to get a job. He knew this way, way in advance, and we planned then that he would move with me. That worked out just fine, and he actually ended up finding a job in our new town that was better than the job he had in our old town. That being said, I think that as a woman I would have been much more reluctant to follow him than he was to follow me—since historically women tend to follow men to jobs, and it would have made me uncomfortable to follow that trend and do so.

It probably would not be awful for you to get a job in Savannah for a year. Since it is only an hour away, you would have a lot of options: commute to Savannah from where you live now, live in Savannah and still be able to see your FH at least once a week, move somewhere between Savannah and where you live now so that you will be relatively close to FH and job, both you and FH move to somewhere halfway in between, or even FH moves to Savannah with you and commutes to school for a year. Lots of possibilities, none ideal, but all doable for just a year.

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