(Closed) How much do you see your boyfriend/husband per week?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Every day, all day, since we are in school together. We have lived together for 3 years. This is wonderful and I hope it never has to end! Lol. We are planning on looking for jobs in the same places, and eventually to start our own business if life is kind to us. *making a wish* 

 

We are together most of the time, literally. Since we hardly ever meet with friends etc. A few times a year, and most of the time we go together. We are both very social, especially I am, but we are kind of introvert in the sence that we enjoy “alone/together”-time most of the time, and the few times we meet people we have a great time, but both of us are always relieved as soon as it is “just us” again! Haha. 

Post # 47
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

liza660 :  My Fiance and I worked opposite shifts for a while, it was hard but we made it through. Right now, he is working his normal full time job, while also working 2 other part time jobs (jobs that will advance him in his future career with extra experience) so I dont get to see him very often. I deal with it because its for his career and our future.

Normally, we get home within an hour or so of eachother, then we go to the gym, cook dinner, and usually watch a TV show before bed. Super low key.

Post # 48
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We both work 8-5, so we see each other every evening and spend most weekends together.  When he was working & in college, it was a little different, because he spent most of the evenings studying and doing homework.  When I was in college, I had a part-time job with random evening hours, so we saw each other even less.  

I’m not sure what kind of work your Boyfriend or Best Friend is in, but in most places, there is no “work less hours”, you either work the hours they give you, or you don’t work there.  If his extra hours are optional, maybe he’s trying to save up money for your future together.  There is a saying:

“If you don’t want to deal with a broke man, you’re gonna have to deal with a busy man”.

Honestly, the amount of time you say you spend together seems pretty “normal” to me, but perhaps at least try to plan a whole weekend together every so often?

 

Post # 49
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

My situation is similar to yours – my boyfriend works 6-7 days a week, so I see him for an hour or two in the morning, an 2-3 hours in the evening. What we’ve decided to do is dedicate at least one afternoon over the weekend (or even a full day, if possible) for us to spend together. It works for us (we also live together). Honestly, I encourage you to think about the quality of the time over quantity. You could be together, technically, and not be talking and just be on your phones, and that’s not really spending time together, even though you’re together. My guy and I do activities, cook, go grocery shopping, go for walks, brunch, etc during our special quality time, and that tends to be more meaningful for me than the amount of time spent.

Overall, your guy isn’t going to change, so you have to decide what you need, and if he can give it to you. Good luck, bee!

Post # 50
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I see my fiance 2-3x per week for like 10hrs total.  We dont live together, and it’s not nearly enough imo.  

Post # 51
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

<u>liza660 :</u> Honestly, don’t get married (or even engaged) until you are happy with the situation. You’re describing a major problem, that won’t just go away with time. Both of you will just grow more and more unhappy/frustrated if you don’t solve this.

In my experience (my SO is a workaholic, too, sometimes with 14+ hours a day), you either can deal with a workaholic or you can’t and never will, as long as he doesn’t really want to compromise. If you choose a workaholic as a partner, you have no right to ‘demand’ otherwise, you can only try to compromise. You don’t pick a vegetarian as a partner and force him to eat a steak, nor do you demand action-filled-super-thrilling-weekends from a couchpotatoe. You may get the vegetarian to come to a steak-house with you to eat a salad and you may get the couchpotatoe to get up early in the morning for action once in a while, but deep inside, you know this won’t work out.

Ask and answer yourself the following: If this would go on ‘forever’ (which yould be, if he’s a real workaholic), could I deal with it without nagging about it? How will we deal with having children? How much quality time do I need with my boyfriend and how willing is he to make it? Am or will I become unhappy with this on the long term?

There’s a huge difference between having to work a lot to pay the bills and work a lot because you love it. The first is something you can work through, the second is a character trait.

Please, please, please, don’t build on him getting less work addicted with growing older or getting kids, you have to be happy with the now, not the maybe.

You have to be on the very same page with this, or this won’t work.

Post # 52
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

aventurin :  Absolutely agree! My guy is a workaholic, and to be honest, I love it. I’m introverted and like to be alone, and him working a ton works for us. We have great quality time when he’s home, and I get my large amounts of time alone, but I can understand how it wouldn’t work at all for others. 

 

Post # 53
Member
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

During the week week we don’t spend time together in the mornings, but we do in the evenings.  He gets home from work around 3:30 and I get home around 5.  We eat dinner together and hang out a bit (usually we do things together for 2-3 hours: dinner, tv, workout and we do things apart for a couple hours).  We both go to bed around 10.

On the weekends, we are together all the time.  I get up a couple hours earlier, so I have some alone time then, and he usually goes on his computer in the afternoons by himself for a couple hours a day.  We always run errands, work out, and go out together.

This works well for us because I really like spending a lot of time together.  If you have ever read the 5-Love Languages book, quality time is one of mine.  (FI would like a bit more alone time I know, but we have found an ok balance.  He gets a couple hours each night during the week and a few hours each weekend day unless we are out of town doing something).

 

You really just have to talk to your SO and figure out what you guys are ok with.  Your schedule would be super hard on me, but totally fine for a lot of other people.

Post # 54
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

hintsofjoy :  Aaah, I’m glad I’m not the only one wink I love him sooo much, but I also like my alone-time very very much, too (and I need it!).

 

Post # 55
Member
5108 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m gone 8-6 M-F and my husband is gone either 7-7 or 10-9. He’s in sales though, so if he has a customer, he’s often late. So we see each other for a couple hours at night during the week. He’s gone 8-7 every Saturday and he works every other Sunday 11-6. His day off is Wednesday (though he often works on his day off). So yeah, we don’t get a lot of time together. A couple hours at night (maybe) and every other Sunday. My husband works hard and earns money on commission, so he has to really be motivated to work. It does suck when he’s in a slump though, working so much and not really making any money for it. 

I don’t like it, but I can tolerate it because he enjoys what he does and makes good money (most of the time). 

Post # 56
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Me and my Fiance are both workaholics and have jobs with long hours. So most days we see each other in the morning for half an hour and depending on when we finish sometimes we have a couple of hours and sometimes we have a whole evening. I work 12-14 hours and if there is an emergency I can work on for hours.!Some weeks I have no days off and and some weeks I have 1-4 and my Fiance usually finishes by 6  Once a week we have takeout and watch a movie.  

We make sure we take holidays, plan breaks away and day trips. Make sure you have time together and plan time to take of work. It used to bother me how much time we work but he works really hard as a taxi driver and in his job you have to put a lot of hours in to make a decent living. I also get offered lots of overtime and as a support worker I love my job. 

Its not immature to want to see your partner and for it to bother you. 

Post # 57
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

I think there is a misunderstanding. Workaholism is not having to work long hours/a lot in general because of money issues. A workaholic will likely always work a lot, no matter how much money he makes or needs, as it’s not about the money, but about working itself.

I know this post isn’t about workaholics in general, nevertheless I had to mention this.

 

Post # 58
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

liza660 :  My husband works long, long days, so I only see him when he gets home from work before he goes to sleep. My husband normally gets home from work between five and seven and he goes to sleep between nine and ten, so I average about four hours a night with him. He is gone when I wake up in the morning, so Monday-Friday, I only get about four hours a night to really enjoy him. Luckily, we both have weekends off, so we try to spend as much as possible together. 

I don’t think there is ever a “normal” amount of time for any relationship as “normal” is a relative term that varies couple to couple. I think whatever you are comfortable with is normal. However, it seems you yearn to spend much more time together than you are. Personally, I’m the type of person that if I can just see Darling Husband at least once a day (even just for an hour or so), I’m happy. 

Post # 59
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

liza660 :  I am lucky enough to see my husband everyday, I think what you have going on would drive me crazy too.

Post # 60
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are currently doing long distance, so right now it’s 0 hours a week 🙁 Once we’re back on the same coast, I’ll probably see him once every three weeks or so. He’ll still be 5 hours away, and that’s not a drive I or my car can afford to make every weekend. When we were both in school, it was like 18-20 hours a day. We lived together, and had almost all of our classes together. It was probably a bit too much together time, but man am I missing it right now.

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