How much do you spend on gifts for weddings you can’t attend?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
3954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It really depends, but I’m probably spending zero to $50 for wedding gifts if I am not attending the wedding (and frankly, I am still not gungho to be attending any weddings right now, local or otherwise). DH and I are down to a single income and we just had a baby, so we do not have the budget for “extras” that do not benefit us, which is what I would categorize a wedding gift. However, there are always mitigating facotrs that go into this sort of thing for me. For example:

Did you attend my wedding? If so, how much/what did you gift? If not, how much/what did you gift? (And yes, I still have all of my wedding spreadsheets nearly six years later and yes, my petty ass will keep score.)

How close are we? Do we talk regularly or are you my mom’s cousin’s son who I haven’t physically spoken to since high school?

My very best friend in the entire world is getting married next fall. We are planning to TTC in January due to infertility issues in the past and are aware we may be pregnnat by the time her wedding rolls around. I plan on attending hell or high water, but for some reason, if I couldn’t, I’d gift around $300 because this is my absolute best friend. On the reverse, DH’s aunt just got married and we couldn’t attend and we sent $0. It was not in our budget this month and it was a destination wedding with all of his unvaccinated family members, so I don’t personally feel like they sent the invitation honestly thinking we’d attend. 

Post # 17
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’ve only occasionally (as in three times that I can remember) not been able to go to a wedding. Honestly, I have never sent a gift if I don’t go. It’s definitely not common in my circle to do so. I had the typical handful of declines for my wedding, and I don’t think a single person sent a gift or card who declined and I didn’t expect them to!

Post # 18
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I probably spend about the same whether I attend or not. We weren’t able to attend a close friend’s daughter’s wedding and we spent about $80 for the gift. 

Post # 19
3820 posts
Honey bee

I always send $100 to $150 whether I attend or not. One exception was someone I am very close to but they had a destination wedding that I was not willing to spend that much money for – it would have cost me over 3K. Technically I could have afforded it, but it was just not a good use of my money/vacation time. They are big wine drinkers so I sent them six bottles of their favorite wine which was a little over $600.

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