(Closed) How much do you tell your SO (esp spouse) about your family drama?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - City Hall NYC

My family has a ton of drama and I pretty much tell my husband all of it because I need someone to vent to!

Post # 18
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We tell each other everything. Everything. My family has a lot of drama and those are some reasons why we are not close and my future husband knows it all and even witnessed the crazy yelling times and he reacts with making sure I’m okay and helps me not take the mean things said out of anger to heart. He has even told me when his family members have said something about me when they thought I wouldn’t know because of a language barrier. Some families have drama that only those involved know of while the rest think that things are okay between everyone, those are mysteries that both of us don’t tamper with so we don’t stir things up. 

Post # 19
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I tell my husband everything about my family.

Post # 20
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

He knows everything. It would be really hard to hide the fact that I don’t speak to any one but my mother, and even then, I am normally angry when I hang up with her. 

I woudn’t hide things. He should be your support. 

Post # 21
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My family is very dysfunctional and my husband knows everything! Yes he probably does look down at my parents a bit because of how they have treated my siblings and I but he wouldn’t say anything to them about it. He is very good at keeping things to himself and just listens. My in laws actually know abit about my family as well, one of my mil’s is a councillor so she helps me deal with it all sometimes. 

Post # 22
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know his and he knows mine. We pretty much talk about everything. 

Post # 23
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Our little church

We love to share each others family drama stories. We often laugh at situation. But seriously we do talk it out and discuss how we don’t want our home and realationship to go.

Post # 24
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t think it’s any of your husbands business what goes on in your family. Why does he need to know everything if it doesn’t concern you or him. 

Post # 25
Member
41 posts
Newbee

My other half knows all about my dysfunctional family and I know all about his. When my family does something offensive/mean/mind boggling, he is always there to hear me out (ranting) and then calm me down.  I do the same for him, when his family puts him in a tight spot. I think that’s partly why we get along so well (and he’ll tell me, point blank, “you’re being too much like your sister right now and you need to calm down.”  My sis is an epic drama queen in a “the sky is always falling” kind of way.)

 

eta: I feel like I should add that he does not like my parents particularly well because he feels like they spoil my brother and sister more than they care about me. After an epic fail of a Christmas in which my siblings were showered with gifts and I got… Pajamas… He’s never really looked at them the same. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  kiriux.
Post # 26
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

Everything.  Fiance is my rock and I expect to always be able to be open and honest with him and for him to do the same.  In your situation, I would have told my Fiance look my mom loves you and is happy I am marrying you, but she said marriage doesn’t always lead to happiness.  I don’t think that speaks anything on him, but it is true advice.  You need to be happy to be happy in your marriage, marriage, or another person, cannot be your sole source of happiness. 

I think your mom telling you not to tell DH about family drama is her trying to control the situation.  DH is not going to look down on you for family drama.  If he will look down on anyone, it will be your family and I think that is really what your mom wants to keep from happening.  Hopefully if your DH thinks you are the source of drama he feels comfortable enough to tell you so.  Also, I hope he realizes families have drama and loves and accepts them anyway. 

However, I think it is also important that you don’t tell anyone about the drama until you have cooled off and can talk about it without making everyone out to look evil.  We all get over excited when we are emotional and it is easy to point the finger instead of telling the facts, so if you can wait until you have had time to cool off a bit it will allow for DH to be a listening ear without risking him thinking poorly of your family. 

Post # 27
Member
9577 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my husband knows my family drama.  he’s who i vent to when i am frustrated with my mom and brother.

i know his family drama too.

Post # 28
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Unfortunately my husband knows all my family drama. It’s usually embarrassing but I figure if I can’t complain to him about it who can I? He’s supportive and tries to make me feel better about it. His family is pretty drama free but I’m sure he’d share if there was some. 

Post # 29
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

DH and I keep nothing from each other. We feel like if we hide things about our families from each other, we are putting our families inbetween us. No secrets, no shame. But we don’t tell anyone else. My in-laws have no idea what is going on with my family and vice versa.

Post # 30
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I told him pretty much everything crazy about my family during the first year or so of our relationship. I didn’t want him going into an engagement not knowing all the details, let alone a marriage. 

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