Post # 31
I’ve told him pretty much everything. However, when we first started dating and he was coming around my family, my cousin’s wife was caught having and affair. They decided to work through it, so I’ve never really felt the need to bring it up and tell him. If it comes up somehow, I wouldn’t hesitate, I just don’t feel the need to bring it up.
Post # 32
I definitely tell my DH everything about my family drama (and he does the same with his). For most of our family issues, it would just not go well to explode on our parents about the dumb things they do or say….so we vent to each other. It definitely helps us blow off steam. Then we discuss productive solutions and implement them when appropriate.
Post # 33
I have quite a bit of family drama as well, in part because they dont like my boyfriend, but he still knows all about it. In part, like you, because he witnessed it but I also tell him about it sometimes. It’s important to let him know what’s going on, especially if it’s making me frusturated and possibly really irritable that day. Even though sometimes the fight is literally just bashing him (I dont tell him the exact details), he is pretty supportive. Like one bee already posted on here, it’s good to have someone with (yours sounds like he does!!) a good head on his shoulders to help you see straight in moments of doubt. That’s what healthy relationships are about!
Post # 34
I think like a few of the bees have already said, there’s a crucial difference between explaining family issues and trash talking your family. Im guilty of it, and feel horrible when it happens. I explain my issues, and sometimes, when I’m really fired up I trash talk. DH always calms me down when that happens, and points it out, and makes it clear he doesn’t think less of them just because I maybe said mean things when I was mad.
I think bottom line, you have to trust your DH! You have to talk to him about these things. The way you approach them should just be a less biased version. Who knows, maybe you’ll find he keeps you sane!
Post # 35
I tell my Fiance everything about my family! Even better than a girl friend because he already knows the whole back story. 😉
Post # 36
My fiance knows all of my family’s drama. We both had difficult childhoods. Talk to each other about it was something that really opened up a lot for us due to being able to relate. My fiance doesn’t hold any ill feeling with my family or look down on them. The way they treat me and things they say certainly disappoint him or upset him at times. However, he’s never closed off to holding a relationship with them or trying with them if that’s what I choose to do. He’s seen a lot of things first hand and a lot he’s heard from me because he’s my person to get advice from or have listen to my issues…which is nothing less than what I expect in a relationship since I would do the same for him. Unfortunately, my family dynamic is so bad that I’ve had to come to the conclusion of not inviting my family to my wedding. From there the drama led to me accepting that, at this time at least, it’s not healthy to have them in my life.
My family doesn’t have his contact information but…if they did decide to keep in contact with him and he did with them then that’s none of my concern or something I would be opposed to. I just have to do what’s healthy for me.
Post # 37
My DH is a part of my family now so, yes he knows everything. We are a unit, his family is my family and vice versa. If he’s going to look down on me because of their drama then he’s also judging himself since he’s one of them now. I am married to him, not my parents and biological family so we side together no matter how dumb anyone else acts.
Post # 38
There are many different ways to be open about things. I do believe that being able to confide with your spouse is important. However, every word said out lot comes with its own weight. If you wish your SO to not lose his respect for your family, it starts with you respecting your own. How you feel about your family and how you relay those feelings to your SO defines his feelings at the end of the day. You can’t expect him to pick and choose only the positive and forever respect your family regardless how you portray your family.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t share everything, but I do advise you choose your words with more care and thought. Your SO should be your rock when you’re going through difficulties! Just remember to express your love and respect for your family amidst the difficulties. It sounds like you’re already doing so as I can see from your post!
Post # 39
I tell my SO everything – usually word for word accounts for what has happened.
Post # 40
my husband and I share all family drama, it gives us something to snark about.
Post # 41
My SO knows everything about me, including family situations. He is the one I turn to for comfort, support, and an outside opinion. I couldn’t imagine NOT telling him everything.
Post # 42
My family has a lot of drama as well—and it is sometimes aired publicly while my fiance is around, haha (yikes). We tell each other everything, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know my family is slightly looney but we are lovable in our own way and I would feel weird if I didn’t share that with my fiance. Also, we are best friends and it has been reaaaally helpful during the wedding planning to be able to speak clearly & honestly about our families given our shared experience + what we each know about them from stories.
Post # 43
I have a family member whom I love dearly. My husband used to like her a lot too, but she frequently does things that frustrate me and I’ll complain to him. Now he doesn’t really care for her because some of the things I’ve told him. I’ve started keeping things to myself unless it will directly affect him. I don’t feel like I’m keeping things from him, but I no longer overshare.
Post # 44
That’s also another problem I have. I feel like if I tell DH everything, even in the most objective way, he will start disliking members of my family. For example, my sister said a lot of hurtful things to me last night, but I’m not angry at her, because I feel like she has been through so much pain in her life that she has a lot of issues and I don’t blame her ever when she’s not nice to me. Also, I asked her to tell some of the things, because I think it will help me better understand why she’s always mad at me and complaining about me. She said something so painful to me that I was so overcome with grief at one point that my mom had to stop her from talking. Like I said, I don’t blame her, but I feel like I can’t tell DH all the painful things she said to me, because DH would get very upset at her for being so mean, and he’s already not fond of my sister, just based on things that she has said and done in the past. It’s not I don’t trust DH, but DH’s family is very different from mine, and he just could never understand why a family would ever inflict so many pain on each other. I kind of understand where DH is coming from, I wouldn’t like a person, even if they’re family, if they caused DH a lot of pain and is sometimes very mean to DH in front of me.
Post # 45
I think what you said is very wise, but I don’t know if it’s necessarily true. I know DH has a lot of respect for his older brother and has never said anything negative about him to me or anyone, but after getting to know his brother better and seeing the number of times that his brother has screwed him over, I don’t have respect for his brother. Likewise, he thinks my sister has ridiculous requests for me and takes advantage of me a lot and doesn’t care for her, but I don’t think so and never say a bad word about my sister to him. Only good things. We refrain from complaining about each others’ older siblings, but we both know we don’t care for each others’ older siblings, just because we don’t like how the respective older sibling treats each other.