(Closed) How much do you tell your SO (esp spouse) about your family drama?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

I’ve told him pretty much everything. However, when we first started dating and he was coming around my family, my cousin’s wife was caught having and affair. They decided to work through it, so I’ve never really felt the need to bring it up and tell him. If it comes up somehow, I wouldn’t hesitate, I just don’t feel the need to bring it up. 

Post # 32
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I definitely tell my DH everything about my family drama (and he does the same with his). For most of our family issues, it would just not go well to explode on our parents about the dumb things they do or say….so we vent to each other. It definitely helps us blow off steam. Then we discuss productive solutions and implement them when appropriate.

Post # 33
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

I have quite a bit of family drama as well, in part because they dont like my boyfriend, but he still knows all about it. In part, like you, because he witnessed it but I also tell him about it sometimes. It’s important to let him know what’s going on, especially if it’s making me frusturated and possibly really irritable that day. Even though sometimes the fight is literally just bashing him (I dont tell him the exact details), he is pretty supportive. Like one bee already posted on here, it’s good to have someone with (yours sounds like he does!!) a good head on his shoulders to help you see straight in moments of doubt. That’s what healthy relationships are about!

Post # 34
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think like a few of the bees have already said, there’s a crucial difference between explaining family issues and trash talking your family. Im guilty of it, and feel horrible when it happens. I explain my issues, and sometimes, when I’m really fired up I trash talk. DH always calms me down when that happens, and points it out, and makes it clear he doesn’t think less of them just because I maybe said mean things when I was mad. 

I think bottom line, you have to trust your DH! You have to talk to him about these things. The way you approach them should just be a less biased version. Who knows, maybe you’ll find he keeps you sane! 

Post # 35
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I tell my Fiance everything about my family! Even better than a girl friend because he already knows the whole back story. 😉

Post # 36
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My fiance knows all of my family’s drama. We both had difficult childhoods. Talk to each other about it was something that really opened up a lot for us due to being able to relate. My fiance doesn’t hold any ill feeling with my family or look down on them. The way they treat me and things they say certainly disappoint him or upset him at times. However, he’s never closed off to holding a relationship with them or trying with them if that’s what I choose to do. He’s seen a lot of things first hand and a lot he’s heard from me because he’s my person to get advice from or have listen to my issues…which is nothing less than what I expect in a relationship since I would do the same for him. Unfortunately, my family dynamic is so bad that I’ve had to come to the conclusion of not inviting my family to my wedding. From there the drama led to me accepting that, at this time at least, it’s not healthy to have them in my life.

My family doesn’t have his contact information but…if they did decide to keep in contact with him and he did with them then that’s none of my concern or something I would be opposed to. I just have to do what’s healthy for me.

Post # 37
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

My DH is a part of my family now so, yes he knows everything. We are a unit, his family is my family and vice versa. If he’s going to look down on me because of their drama then he’s also judging himself since he’s one of them now. I am married to him, not my parents and biological family so we side together no matter how dumb anyone else acts.

Post # 38
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
breatheandrelax:  There are many different ways to be open about things. I do believe that being able to confide with your spouse is important. However, every word said out lot comes with its own weight. If you wish your SO to not lose his respect for your family, it starts with you respecting your own. How you feel about your family and how you relay those feelings to your SO defines his feelings at the end of the day. You can’t expect him to pick and choose only the positive and forever respect your family regardless how you portray your family. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t share everything, but I do advise you choose your words with more care and thought. Your SO should be your rock when you’re going through difficulties! Just remember to express your love and respect for your family amidst the difficulties. It sounds like you’re already doing so as I can see from your post! 

 

Post # 39
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

I tell my SO everything – usually word for word accounts for what has happened.

Post # 40
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

my husband and I share all family drama, it gives us something to snark about. 

Post # 41
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

My SO knows everything about me, including family situations. He is the one I turn to for comfort, support, and an outside opinion. I couldn’t imagine NOT telling him everything.

Post # 42
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
breatheandrelax:  My family has a lot of drama as well—and it is sometimes aired publicly while my fiance is around, haha (yikes). We tell each other everything, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know my family is slightly looney but we are lovable in our own way and I would feel weird if I didn’t share that with my fiance. Also, we are best friends and it has been reaaaally helpful during the wedding planning to be able to speak clearly & honestly about our families given our shared experience + what we each know about them from stories. 

Post # 43
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a family member whom I love dearly. My husband used to like her a lot too, but she frequently does things that frustrate me and I’ll complain to him. Now he doesn’t really care for her because some of the things I’ve told him. I’ve started keeping things to myself unless it will directly affect him. I don’t feel like I’m keeping things from him, but I no longer overshare.

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