How much does stress affect your sex life?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

bd28 :  Have you told him about how this has been affecting you? Although I don’t think talking about it is going to really change anything with his sex drive, perhaps you guys could work out a better solution. You two should look up tips for couples who have different sex drives and see what you can work out, since what’s happening now obviously isn’t working for you.

As far as “this is our time to enjoy sex” — I think you should refrain from thinking that way. Your entire marriage is a time to enjoy sex, and your relationship will be filled with ups and downs; just because the first year after marriage is generally thought of as super happy, with sex all the time, doesn’t mean that’s realistic. There is no more pressure to have a good sex life now then there is forty years from now. Take it one day at a time.

Yes, stress can definitely affect a person’s sex drive. What is it that has him so stressed out all the time? It sounds like there is more to it than that, and perhaps he’s using stress as an excuse to avoid talking about the real problem.

Post # 3
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

How old are you both? Does he use porn? Is the sex “good” when you have it? I think it’s kind of odd, as well, and you may have to dig deeper to see if he just has a low sex drive or if there are other things involved.

Post # 4
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Stress does affect it for sure, but if it’s been like this for ten months, he needs to address the issue. Try doing something relaxing before like a walk, bubble bath, massage. Try it earlier in the evening or morning when he’s not tired.

Post # 5
Member
9802 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This sounds like it’s about more than stress, that’s just the excuse that he’s giving you. Yes, stress impacts our sex life but not for long periods times and we can usually solve it by just saying “Hey, we haven’t been having sex much let’s fix that.”

It’s more likely that the problem is that the two of you have different sex drives. I would start talking about it now and tell him that you don’t want to hear “I’m stressed” unless that’s actually the truth because this won’t get solved if you don’t have open, honest communication.

Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Stress does have an effect on sex life for sure, but I’d be more worried that he’s been stressed for 10 months and hasn’t found a way to relax.

I’d tell him how this is making you feel, and try to figure out a way you can both be satisfied. 

I for one don’t think there is anything wrong with a little self love, if you know what I mean 😉 

 

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

I have a pet theory that men who are able to wait to marriage probably have, on average, lower sex drives than normal. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I generally think it’s easier to stick to your guns on waiting to marriage when the impulse is not overwhelming. 

Stress definitely matters, absolutely. When my SO was working 100 hour weeks, we usually weren’t intimate because it was just a struggle to work, eat, and sleep for him. 

But you’re also probably just dealing with a lower sex drive. A good friend is married to a guy who was a virgin when they started dating (she was not), and they have been mismatched for their entier relationship, and she has just learned to cope. 

Post # 8
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I also agree with some others that it is more likely that you two just have different sex drives, which can be its own beast to battle. I could have sex every day, twice a day and almost nothing (stress, being tired, having a cold, etc) would stop me from having sex if it were on the table. However Darling Husband really prefers sex 2 or 3 times a week on average, sometimes more or less depending on outside factors which he is more sensitive to, as well. 

The number one thing that will solve this issue is open and honest and NON-JUDGMENTAL communication. Your Darling Husband has to understand and empathize that you have needs too, and you have to learn and accept that his lower drive isn’t personal and it’s not anything against you. It’s just how we’re wired. I’ve learned that even when it’s only twice or three times a week, if I’m willing to wait until Darling Husband is really in the mood too, the sex is phenomenal and I much prefer quality over quantity. Also Darling Husband does understand that I have a higher drive and want things more than he does, so even if he’s too tired or not feeling it, he’s happy to talk dirty to me and let his hands wander to still keep me happy if you catch my drift. 

Good luck bee! This is frustrating but not insurmountable. There is middle ground to be had. 

Post # 9
Member
707 posts
Busy bee

Maybe he just doesnt like it. 

I would be worried if you were intimate prior to marriage and then it stopped, but you werent. I dont think it has anything to do with how he feels towards you and shouldnt (but I can understand if it does) affect how you feel about yourself. 

I agree with some of the PP suggesting therapy. 

Post # 10
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

Is he on any medication? Some things lower libido so it could be another factor.

Some people naturally have a low sex drive, my partner has a low sex drive but he would almost always be up for it when I initiate it…. sorry not much I can help with here, what about trying in the morning after he has woken up?

 

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