(Closed) How much extra time to give RSVP slackers?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I was one of those RSVP slackers.  Since I was going to have to travel from England to Chicago, I was desparately hoping for a last minute ticket (flights were even more obscene at the time).  I asked the bride for her final cutoff date (the date she was most comfortable having, not the venue final headcount date).  She gave it to me, and the day before I told her I couldn’t go because the tickets were too darn expensive.  I bought her a big beautiful gift and lived vicariously through her photos!

Since you’ve called right away, and she told you that she needed to figure out travel, set the final date to “closer to next week”:  10th? 11th?  If she can’t make it, she can’t make it.  It’s not rude or inconsiderate.  No worries.

HTH!

Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d pick a date a couple of days before the cut off and tell her you absolutely need her answer by then. Normally I’d start calling the slackers a day or two after the RSVP deadline, but I think the travel and the fact that you’ve already talked to her makes the circumstances special.

Post # 5
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is your friend bringing a guest?  If you are only waiting on one or two people, I would just add them into the headcount.  Unless you the per person cost is like $250 with food and rentals, I think it’s always better to overcount just a little bit, anyway.  If she shows up, great!  You have exactly the right headcount!  If not, well, you never know when that extra plate you paid for might be needed (like if another guest brings a surprise +1 or you have someone show up when they RSVP’ed no). 

I hate calling people; I always feel like I’m being pushy.  ๐Ÿ™‚  So I’d probably opt to pay a little extra knowing there’s a chance she might not show up than continue to call her waiting for an answer.  Just think, you could turn in your headcount and finish your rental reservations today!

Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Three hours by car and travel is an issue? If she’s not buying a plane ticket, what is taking her so long to decide?? I still stand by my answer if she’s the only straggler, but I now understand your exasperation a little better. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

3 hours by car?  Had 2 months to figure out accommodations?  No guest?  Definitely set the date for next week!  =)

Post # 9
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

OMG three hours by car doesn’t even count as travel in my book.  That’s nothing!  Tongue out

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think if it is just one or two guests you can probably wait until the day before the venue deadline. Anyone else I think you can start bugging as soon as the rsvp deadline passes.

Post # 11
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’d suggest letting her know that you really need an answer by … and pick a date. I’d suggest using the 12th. That gives a week plus a day from today, and you’re not being pushy to say “hey let me know your final decision by next Saturday.” It’s better to give her a deadline rather than to call ask, “so, have you decided yet?”

I think that although Mrs. Spring has a good idea about just throwing an extra person into the count, but she should tell you as soon as she knows. That’s just two weeks prior to your wedding; I think it’s completely reasonable. Good luck!

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