(Closed) How much information do you prefer to know for a proposal?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’ve been super involved with ring shopping, budgeting, timeline, etc for my upcoming proposal. I asked my SO if he felt I was too involved- he told me he prefers that I’m in on all the details because we’ve always made major purchases/decisions together in our relationship and he felt like it made sense to have my input. Not to say we haven’t had some disagreements on the above mentioned….so I’m actually grateful we’ve had the channels of communication open. 

Ok it’s not the stuff of romantic legend…but whatever your level of involvement I have no doubt the proposal will be a day (or night) you never forget!

Post # 32
113 posts
Blushing bee

Congratulations! It’s all up to how you’d like it to be, really. I’m someone who would rather not know ahead of time, but one of my dear friends doesn’t like surprises and picked out her ring herself, but her boyfriend ended up surprising her with what she wanted, plus half a carat 🙂 I’d rather not know ahead of time but it’s nearly impossible to surprise me, so I’d like to know as little as possible. Personally it would feel a little anticlimactic to me to have a timeline (although it does stress me out having NO clue when it’ll finally happen!). Pros and cons to both, I’d say!

Post # 35
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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Bridey77:  +1  exactly!

“I don’t really understand the whole idea of the proposal being a “surprise” if the couple has already established they are getting married. It isn’t like if he keeps the ring and date a secret you are going to be like “Oh my gosh, I never saw it coming!” “

My SO wants it to be a total surprise….ummm, we’ve been together over 3 1/2 years and discussed marriage several times, but he still wants me to be exactly “Oh my gosh, I never saw it coming!”  I would rather know at least a few details- because it’s my future too- but he’s very old fashioned and adamant on this. I do trust his sincerity in saying he wants to marry me, but it’s caused a few ripples in the pool o’ paradise :p

merebear486- I think it’s good that he’s let you in on the planning somewhat because, as you say, it’s a relief to you since he’s missed a timeline. Far better for you to know he’s actively planning a ring/ proposal than for a missed-deadline to be causing you hurt and uncertainty.

I agree with some of the other PP about your friends though- they shouldn’t be making you feel bad!!! And it’s not for them to judge. Some women want it to be a total surprise, some women prefer to be involved in the ring selection and planning. Ditto the SOs. Don’t let your friends make you feel your proposal will be anything less than amazing, however you and your SO decide to go about things.

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Post # 36
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

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merebear486:  I’m in a similar situation. SO has told me it will happen next month, but that’s all I know. My friends also have been saying that I know too much. I can’t help but feel the same. I know that I’m getting my great grandmother’s ring (but I can’t remember what it looks like). I think he only told me that it was going to be in FEB b/c his cousin got engaged last month, and I was rather upset by it. I’m worried if I know the month that I won’t be surprised. I realize though, that there’s other bees who have known much more information than you and I. Even if you know details — you don’t know ALL the details. There’s still room for surprise, when, where, how, etc. No worries. I hope you get it soon! 

Post # 37
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’m kind of in the same boat as you are! Long story short, I’ve been with my SO for almost 10 years. Our dating anniversary is January 30 and I heavily suspect a proposal on that date (my SO sucks at hiding his excitement and I know all his tells). As HARD as it is not to pry and snoop to get information, let your SO do his thing.

And girl, let me tell you, I know it is HARD. lol

I’m sure he is working hard to get you the ring of your dreams and plan the proposal of your dreams. It’s a stressful time for him! In the end, you will get engaged and you will be happy.. no reason to ruin that for yourself.

I hope that false timeline he gave you wasn’t on purpose to trick you. On my anniversary last year, I was totally expecting a proposal so everything my SO did looked suspicious. Later that night, he told me he and his friends had joked that they were going to prank me into thinking a proposal was happening. Not funny. Needless to say, the night ended in tears. 🙁

Hang in there!! 

Post # 40
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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TaraMay_:  I totally agree. Also, it’s worth mentioning that even if you know all the details nothing takes away from how it feels when someone asks you to spend your life with them. Its the most intimate conversation you’ll ever have. 

Post # 42
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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merebear486:  I like to know that we’re on the same page (as far as wanting to marry each other).  Other than that, I like to know that he is planning to marry me, and the year/season he plans to do it… other than that, it’s up to him!! 

Post # 43
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I told him I wanted to know nothing a long time ago before it was even a thought to ge engaged … and there so I knew nothing 🙂

Post # 44
134 posts
Blushing bee

Nothing…I want zero involvement. 

Post # 45
203 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
merebear486:  like you, I’d want input on the ring, to a point. Other than that, bring on the surprise! Good luck for… very soon!

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