Post # 1
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
My Darling Husband and I are realizing how much it is going to cost us to go to my brother’s wedding and I am very honored to be a part of it but we can’t really afford it right now to be spending.
- The wedding is out of state and airfare tickets costs us about $1000 for the 3 of us..
- The accomodation there, we were asked to pay $100 a night so it will be $300 for 3 nights we are there.
- We are renting a car because it will be easier to get around with my son and car seat which is about $150.
- The bridesmaids dresses chosen is about $200 excluding alterations,
- my son’s tux is about $100
- shoes to be bought for my dress is about $130 (they want all to have same shoes)..
- I have to pay $75 each for hair and make-up…
- my Darling Husband shirt and tie to be usher will be close to $100
so the total excluding other expenses such as wedding gift(we are thinking of giving $200 as a gift) will be almost $2000.
Just wondering if that is normal or does the bride to be usually helps to cover the cost? When I got married, I paid for everything and bridesmaids only had to buy their dresses (cost about $120)
I did mention about the cost to my brother but he was getting stressed out so I told him we will figure something out.
Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
Member
1187 posts
Bumble bee
I totally feel for ya with the financial pinch! I’m not sure where you are from- as there are different posters from different countries here. If you’re from America, most brides have the bridal party pay their own costs.
It cost me nearly $3000 to be in my sister’s wedding- between three different flights for bridal shower, bachelorette party, and the wedding. Then: Bridesmaid or Best Man Dress, shoes, alterations, hair- of course-dresses for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. bridal shower presents, engagement present, bachelorette present, wedding present.
Oh yeah, I also was expected to plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower and had to foot the bill for those costs too. So that included flowers, decorations, hall rental for the bridal shower. For the bachelorette party- it was the limo, room rental in a restaurant, and hotel room for a night.
It sucks, but it’s totally worth it to be there for a monumental part in your family’s life.
Post # 4
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
@chic_and_fabulous: Hi we live in the US too. I guess i didn’t realize it could be this expensive because for my sister’s wedding, we only to give a wedding gift, paid for our dress and hair.
Post # 5
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
It sounds about normal (without the travel cost, that of course depends), but I dislike when they require hair and makeup? I can do my own makeup well enough to not pay $75 for it 🙁 Can you ask if you can do hair only or neither? I also dislike when they require special shoes, its so much easier to find inexpensive shoes on your own.
Post # 6
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
I agree that everything sounds about normal but I would ask the bride if you can have the option to pick a less expensive pair of shoes and do your own hair and makeup.
Post # 7
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
@becca83: it’s normal in my circle. I spent $1k (just for me) to be in my cousin’s wedding when all was said and done. This included paying for my dress plus alterations, hair, shoes, mani/pedi, gifts, and travel (for shower, bachelorette and wedding). I’m lucky that I was able to stay with my parents to cut costs.
Post # 8
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
That sounds about normal. Even if you weren’t in the wedding, you’d still be spending the airfare, hotel, car rental, which is the bulk of the cost. And you’d have to get a dress (if you didn’t have one) and a outfit for your son & husband.
The only thing that’s a bit much are the shoes and hair & makeup. Can you ask the bride if you can skip the hair & makeup and just do it yourself? Also, the whole same shoe thing is a bit much. Maybe see if you can find a pair of shoes that’s less expensive but a similar style and ask the bride if that’s okay?
Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
@stephee: I was hoping to have get a cheaper pair of shoes but the other 5 bridesmaids want to have the same so i don’t really have a choice.. initially they were looking at almost $400 Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses but my sister said to them it was too expensive so I’m glad they found something cheaper. And it is the same for hair and makeup.. I would be the odd one out.
Post # 10
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
@becca83: Unfortunately I cannot afford to fly my wedding party to our destination wedding…and I asked them all years ago if they would even come to the wedding, given the cost…lol. Because I cannot help with that at all (figure 750-1000 per person for all travel expenses) I am expecting very little from them – I will just be happy if they are able to come in general. I don’t care what they do with their hair or makeup…and seriously they can all go barefoot if they so choose – it’s on a beach – super casual. They are helping me choose the dresses, and depending on the cost, I plan to purchase them for them. I havent told them that though…lol. If they want dresses less than $100 I will probably cover it…if they want pricey little get ups expecting to pay for it, then thats fine with me. If they would rather I just pick the dress for them, I’ll do that and I’ll likely pay for it as well. I would rather see them get dresses that are beach casual wedding appropriate and that compliment my own dress, while being able to wear them again for any occasion.
So basically – I am really not asking them for really anythign except paying for an awesome vacation that I happen to be getting married during…LOL
Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
@ImmaBee: Our accomodation was going to be paid for but they did not set a wedding budget so they ask us to pay a $100 a night to help out. I told my Darling Husband there are hotels we can stay at for $60 a night but we don’t want to upset them. We are financially tight right now and need to save as much as possible.
Post # 12
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Well for me bridal party costs will always be $0. But where I am from the B&G cover the costs.
But given that it is different in other places I was under the assumption that the B&G are supposed to confirm a budget from each individual bridal party member and work with that.
I don’t count accommodation/travel costs as part of the bridal party budget because if you were a guest and attending the wedding then you would still have those costs.
Post # 13
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
@djenah79: That’s really nice of you! My whole family and bridesmaids flew in for our wedding, that’s why we paid for everything but their dresses but I gave them options to choose their dresses too because I did not want them having to pay a lot of money. We skipped the bachelorette party too. For my brother’s wedding, everyone is flying in too and they are having a super fancy wedding. The Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses options given to us were initially between $250 to $400.. but my sister said something about the price. I just don’t want to ruin my brother’s Fiance wedding experience.
Post # 14
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
@becca83: ugh, that’s annoying! I feel your pain. It’s not fun shelling out all that money when it’s not a comfortable financial decision for your family. Considering it seems like your brother is having some difficulty with finances, maybe he would understand if you said it’s better for your family to stay in another hotel. If my sister voiced this to me, I’d certainly understand!
Post # 15
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@becca83: Is it possible to stay 2 nights instead of 3? That saves not only on hotel, but also on car rental and eating out costs (and 1 day less off work).
It all sounds fairly normal except asking you to pay for hair and telling you where to stay. (It adds up to a lot, but most of it is travel related). That, everyone, is why it’s a bad idea to give the BMs the option of paying for pro hair and makeup or doing their own. Because then it’s hard to opt out when everyone else is doing it. That said, if you’ve confident you could still do your own.
Post # 16
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
@paula1248: I would like to stay 2 nights but their wedding is on Sunday afternoon.. they are having the rehearsal dinner on Friday which we need to attend. They had booked a block of rooms for guests too but it is very expensive about $250 a night which we cannot afford.
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