(Closed) How much is expected for a BM to pay to be in a wedding party?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would not be giving a $200 gift if I was paying for all that. Sorry if that makes me a bitch, but too many Brides & Grooms do not take into consideration what they are asking of people. My last name does not end with TRUMP. 

Having said that, since the airfare can’t be avoided it is what it is. All the other costs seem pretty standard. however, I don’t like being forced to pick THEIR accomodations if there are cheaper alternataives. The make up should be covered by the bride since its required. And I’d be pissed about having to pay for $130 for shoes. I think certain accessories if they are a must for a bride and her prefered look she should absolutely pay for them. But that’s just me. I would never ask my girls to pay more than $150 for a dress. In my mind if I want something above that price point, than its on me to cover all costs above that. 

Post # 48
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

because you are spending that amount, you don’t also need to give a gift.

i paid $100 each towards the $150 Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I picked, i am paying for hair and makeup,

shoes and jewelry are on their own.  i told them they could wear what they had or buy new, i just wanted to see it first.

my BMs got a hotel room even though they are local

only 1 wedding party member has to travel,  he is paying for flight, hotel, and tux rental. 

if your bride is requiring you to have hair and makeup she should pay, otherwise, professional styling should be optional.

 

 

Post # 51
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@becca83:  Ya unfortunatly the only things your not responsible for are hair/make-up, (you can technically do that yourself…if…however the bride is insisting all the Bridesmaid or Best Man do it, then she should be paying). The hotel….well, unless your in some contract with them about where you stay you can do a cheaper place if you’d like to!!! Cutting those out might save a few hundred bucks!

Post # 52
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The airfare and hotel seems normal and wouldn’t be covered by the bride and groom. The dresses are normal but also not cheap, and the shoes are ridiculous. You should get to pick your own shoes or they should pay. Same for hair and makeup. I haven’t read the whole thread yet but can your son skip the tux? 

I’m sorry 🙁 Weddings are expensive. My family is flying from out-of-state for my wedding and the travel sure adds up quick.

Post # 53
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am really trying to keep the cost down for my girls because I know how much it stinks to have to put that much money into someone else’s wedding, but sadly it’s just an expensive thing.

Post # 54
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
@becca83:  Well i wouldn’t appeciate the bait and switch frankly. Don’t tell me your covering something, and then last minute be like “Oh by the way”.. Oh by the way NOTHING. But again, I tend to be a bitch like that LOL.

Post # 55
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@becca83:  my girls are wearing short dresses and each one is wearing different shoes.  it doesn’t bother me that the shoes won’t match.  but that is up to each bride.

actually, one of my BMs is wearing the same shoes as me.  i wore them to my bridal shower, then decided to wear them to the wedding i went to on saturday to break them in,  and no one will see them under my dress.

 

 

 

Post # 56
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I guess my thing with the hotel/room is that it might be tough to find a hotel for a significant savings, spending less than $100 for 3 people.  I’m not saying it can’t be done, but factoring in potential convenience (via location) and hassle in finding a new hotel, it wouldn’t be worth it to me.

I’m confused about the shoes.  It sounds like it’s the other BMs who want to have matching shoes?  Which implies that the bride should not be blamed for that.  (Infact, good for her for sticking up and keeping the dress cost down.)

The only thing that really strikes me as potentially inconsiderate is the hair/make-up thing.  Is this something the bride is requiring, or is it something the other BMs said they wanted?  I mean, with 5 out of 6 BMs saying they’ll pay for hair/make-up, it leaves the 6th in a very awkward position, also not of the bride’s fault.  (What is she supposed to say, you’re not allowed to get your hair/make-up done?)

All in all, I would count the dress, shoes, hair/make-up as the cost of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  That totals to… $480.  With the bulk of the cost being the shoes/hair/make-up.

Cost for son’s tux: $100.

Cost of husband’s stuff: $100.

Cost to be there an extra day: $150 (one day hotel, one day car).  I’m assuming you wouldn’t just fly out on Sunday, leave Monday.

Total for 3 people to be involved: $830.

I think if you could figure out the shoes/hair/make-up thing ($280 total), bring the total “extra cost” to $550, you’d be coming out pretty well.

Post # 57
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That all sounds pretty much right.  I know it’s not fun adding up those numbers but it’s what we do to be a part of that special persons day. In the end it’s totally worth it. 

I’ve only been a Bridesmaid or Best Man once and in the end the total cost for everything was around $1500.  I’m going to be in a bridal party either next year or the following year that’s destination so I’m sure that’s going to be even more expensive.  I just need to plan accordingly and save as much as possible.

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