Post # 1
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
Hello Everyone!
I have found the dresses that I would like my bridesmaid to wear in my wedding. I absolutely love them and the colors so I am unwilling to budge on the idea. I have called my local bridal shop to see how much they would be. They will be $176 plus tax and the cost of shoes. I have spoken to all my bridesmaids and everyone (I have 6 of them) but one is okay with the price of the dress. That one particular bridesmaid is complaining because she said it is WAY to much to pay for a dress that she is only going to wear one time and she can not afford it.. Now I understand that money maybe tight but do should I go with a different cheaper style dress because ONE bridesmaid is complaining? I mean this is my wedding, but am I being selfish? She told me that she did not want to pay more than $100 for everything – – So ladies–
How much is too much? Should I go with a cheaper style dress or tell her (in a very nice way of course) that I will not change my mind and either she’s going to pay for it or just not be in the wedding?
Much Help Needed!!!
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
i asked my bridesmaids for a price they were comfortable with paying before i started looking, in order to avoid this type of situation.
have you thought about just paying the difference for her?
Post # 4
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
I agree. You could offer to buy her dress outright, or offer to help pay for some of it.
EDIT : Wait, your not getting married until Oct. 2012? I don’t think there is a big rush to get the dresses now.
Post # 5
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
Would it be possible for you to pay the difference for her?
I think the ultimatum “buy it or you’re out” is a little harsh…is it more important to have a particular dress than to have her stand up with you in your wedding?
Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
I also agree you should just cover the difference for her. Since you didn’t ask for a budget beforehand it’s not her fault that you fell in love with a dress that she can’t afford. Just decide what is more important to you.. have her in your wedding.. or shelling out the $76. I would really consider letting the girls pick their own shoes rather an adding an additional expense by making them buy the same ones.. it’s so much easier.
Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
I vote for pay the difference. I bought all my bridesmaids dresses, so I made sure they were in my budget.
Post # 8
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
Is a dress worth loosing a friend over? If I was given the ultimatum of paying for a dress I could not afford or not being in the wedding of a close friend, I would feel that the dress was more important than the friendship. While $176 for a dfress is not completely unreasonable, it is only one of many costs associated with her being in your wedding for your bridesmaids. They may have to travel, there is the shower, stagette, shoes, hair, make-up, and wedding gift. I understand with 6 bridesmaids it is probably not feasible to offer to pay for part of the dresses, but maybe offering to pay part of her dress privatly would be something you could look at. Maybe have a chat with all of the bridesmaids and ask what they are comfortable with paying for the dress. Another suggestion is trying to find the same dress online, you may be able to get a way better price than you could from a bridal store. I understand you loving the dress, but you will not be the one wearing it. For my wedding I bought the bridesmaids shoes and dresses, and they covered the cost of their hair and makeup. I also let them choose the style of dress they wanted to wear and each one picked out a different dress. They looked awesome and were still co-ordinated, and I only spent about $70 on both the dress and shoes, finding shoes at DSW and the dresses on sale. The best part was that they were all super happy and that helped me be a happy bride. I was even happier that they all have worn their bridesmaid dresses again!
Post # 9
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
Your wedding date is over two years away, so I’m with rachaelrobin and think you should just hold off. I know you are excited and it is great to start getting ideas about what you want, but in 2+ years time any of these girls could gain or lose weight, the dress could be discontinued, etc.
If you don’t want to hold off, I also vote to offer to pay the difference.
Post # 10
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
OK, I’M NOT GETTING MY GIRLS TO BUY THEM NOW, THATS OBVIOUSLY RIDICULOUS WHEN MY WEDDING IS SO FAR AWAY. BUT I DO LIKE THE STYLE DRESS AND WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE ONE SIMILAR TO THE ONE I PICKED OUT BY THE TIME WE GO TO ORDER THE DRESSES. MY FIANCE AND I ARE PAYING FOR OUR WEDDING OURSELVES SO WE REALLY DON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO HELP HER PAY FOR HER DRESS, AND IT WOULDN’T BE FAIR TO THE OTHER GIRLS IF I WAS JUST HELPING HER AND NOT THE OTHERS. ITS TWO YEARS AWAY SO I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE SUCH A PROBLEM TO SAVE THE MONEY FOR IT. BUT SHE SAYS ITS TOO MUCH TO PAY FOR, FOR ONLY WEARING IT ONE TIME.
ALSO, IF SHE CAN’T AFFORD THE DRESS, THEN SHE PROLLY WON’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD HAIR MAKEUP AND ETC. I’M SORRY BUT WHEN I ASKED ALL MY BRIDESMAIDS TO SERVCE IN MY WEDDING I TOLD THEM THAT WE ASKED THAT THEY WOULD PAY FOR THEIR DRESS, SHOES, HAIR, MAKEUP, ETC. AND THEY, EVEN HER, HAD NO PROBLEM WITH IT AND AGREED TO DO SO. SO I GUESS IM CONFUSED TO WHY SHE AGREED TO DO SO IF SHE COULDN’T AFFORD TO?
Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
OK, I’M NOT GETTING MY GIRLS TO BUY THEM NOW, THATS OBVIOUSLY RIDICULOUS WHEN MY WEDDING IS SO FAR AWAY. BUT I DO LIKE THE STYLE DRESS AND WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE ONE SIMILAR TO THE ONE I PICKED OUT BY THE TIME WE GO TO ORDER THE DRESSES. MY FIANCE AND I ARE PAYING FOR OUR WEDDING OURSELVES SO WE REALLY DON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO HELP HER PAY FOR HER DRESS, AND IT WOULDN’T BE FAIR TO THE OTHER GIRLS IF I WAS JUST HELPING HER AND NOT THE OTHERS. ITS TWO YEARS AWAY SO I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE SUCH A PROBLEM TO SAVE THE MONEY FOR IT. BUT SHE SAYS ITS TOO MUCH TO PAY FOR, FOR ONLY WEARING IT ONE TIME.
ALSO, IF SHE CAN’T AFFORD THE DRESS, THEN SHE PROLLY WON’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD HAIR MAKEUP AND ETC. I’M SORRY BUT WHEN I ASKED ALL MY BRIDESMAIDS TO SERVCE IN MY WEDDING I TOLD THEM THAT WE ASKED THAT THEY WOULD PAY FOR THEIR DRESS, SHOES, HAIR, MAKEUP, ETC. BECAUSE WE WERE PAYING FOR THE WEDDING OURSELVES AND THEY, EVEN HER, HAD NO PROBLEM WITH IT AND AGREED TO DO SO. SO I GUESS IM CONFUSED TO WHY SHE AGREED TO DO SO IF SHE COULDN’T AFFORD TO?
BELIEVE ME I HAVE SHOPPED AROUND, TRYING TO FIND WHAT I LIKED AND DIDN’T LIKE AND ALSO TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT WOULD LOOK GOOD ON EVERYONE…I HAVE NOT SEEN A BRIDESMAID DRESS UNDER 140.
So I don’t know what to do.
Post # 12
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
wow that is definitely asking a lot. i’ve always been told that if the bride is REQUIRING anything extra – as in anything other than the dress – then bride is supposed to pay. if you are requiring them to get their hair or makeup done professionally, then you should pay for it. or allow them the option to do it themselves.
and again, life could be completely different in 2 years for everyone for all sorts of reasons. maybe she wins the lottery. maybe you don’t like 2 of these people anymore. 2 years is really early to ask people to be bridesmaids, let alone to pick a very specific dress. give it some time. liek other said, it very likely they might discontinue that dress and you never know what else might come along and at what price.
Post # 13
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Just FYI – there are a TON of bridesmaids dresses out there for under $140 (between the two weddings I’ve been in and the dresses my BMs got – NONE were over $140). You’ve got so much time between now and your wedding, keep looking. The two weddings I was in we wore JCrew dresses. My bridesmaids are wearing a dress from Dessy After Six. A word of advice – order online instead of from a bridal salon. It will save you a ton of money. We got the After Six dresses for $130 online. The cheapest a bridal salon would get them for me was $185. Exact same dress!
I can understand your frustration, but also keep in mind that everyone’s money, income, expenses, etc are different. I do think she is being unreasonable to expect dress, shoes, hair and makeup to be under $100 total but you can also let them use their own shoes (versus having to buy matching – you can’t even see shoes with a long dress, although I personally like matching with short dresses). You can also let them do their own hair and makeup (or at least make-up – paying a make-up artist is so expensive for what it is). She is also probably thinking about paying for a shower, bachelorette party, shower gift, wedding gift, travel, lodging, etc – It all adds up faster than you think.
Post # 14
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
I think my bridesmaid dresses were around $85 a piece and we got them from David’s Bridal. They are really nice too. Plus you have two years. That really is a long time to start getting bridemaids and dressing them. I didn’t even settle on bridesmaids until February of this year, 6 months before my wedding.
Post # 15
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
2 years is a long ways away. The styles could be different, you could be changing your venue, your colors, etc. I wouldn’t get too worried about it right now.
Post # 16
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
If it were me, I would gladly pay $176 if the style were something I could wear again. Lots of bridesmaids dresses look….well… like a BRIDESMAID dress. However, there are tons of cute options available now, like through jCrew, where the dresses are MUCH more “cocktail” looking and therefore something you would be more likely to wear again. Maybe keep that in mind? YOU might have a certain “look” in mind, which is fine, but I think you should be nice and keep rewearablility in mind as you search for a style.
I agree with PP that you should hold off for now… way to get organized early though! 🙂 It’s always good to gather ideas.