posted 11 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
1332 posts
Bumble bee

While it’s okay to want to do things a particular way In My Humble Opinion I think you are not being flexible.  At least she was honest with you and told you that it was too much for her.  That was probably hard for her to do.  Please take a deep breathe, your wedding is 2 years a way, it isn’t necessary to be so worked up about this.  In the grand wedding scheme this is small so don’t make it bigger than it needs to be.

Post # 18
90 posts
Worker bee

I understand you love the dress, but I think you are being very unreasonable.  I understand you have budget constraints as you are paying for your own wedding, so you should be able to understand that other people have budget constraints as well.  Please think hard before you loose a friend over a dress.  I agree with Viking Princess that it was probably very hard for her to have that conversation. 

Post # 19
42 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

One way to allow for the BMs to have some control is to pick a color, fabric, and company, and let them pick their own dress that falls under those three constraints.  This way, they can control what the dress looks like and how much they pay for it.

And yeah, two years is far far away, from both perspectives. She’s got two years to save up money for the wedding, and you’ve got two years to finalize colors and designs. Deep breath. Relax. Ahhhh.

Unhappy bridesmaids leads to stressed out bride.

Post # 20
1 posts
  • Wedding: June 2011

Relax, you’re two years away and already turning into a bridezilla. I understand wanting to have a nice wedding, but aren’t there more important things in life? You might not even like the girls you picked as bridesmaids two years from now.

Post # 21
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would offer to pay the difference if I loved the dress and I could afford to.  I get that it’s a drag to drop that much on wearing something one time.

Post # 22
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can always find something that is similar to the dresses you like? How about same colors and maybe similar details or styles?

I think you should try something that within their budget and make everyone happy. If you asked how much they can spend , then try to find within that amount. Bridesmaid dresses are important but you have enough time to find the perfect ones for you and for them 🙂

Post # 23
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the other posters- if you really want the dress, cover the difference.  I think that is a lot to ask everyone to pay, so I would either discuss price with everyone before selecting the dress, or cover the rest.  These girls have a lot of expenses as a bridesmaid- travel, gifts, makeup, showers, parties, hair, etc.  So, I tried to keep my dress under $100.  Plus, as others have said- it is 2 years away…  Some Bridesmaid or Best Man don’t mind paying- but not everyone has the money.  One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man was ready and willing to spend hundreds of dollars while another one said she couldn’t afford anything.  (I bought her dress and someone loaned her some nice shoes.  I also had to pay for her hair.  It was a drag, but…)

Post # 24
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think ultimatly, if she can’t afford it you either need to pay the difference or find different dresses. Not everyone has a ton of money to spend and there are a ton of other costs associated with being in the wedding (bridal shower, bachelorette party, travel for the wedding, accomedations, shoes, jewelery, etc).

Post # 25
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I know its super hard to not start planning and looking at things that you want for your wedding. Like you I had over 2 years to plan the wedding, I always swore up and down that my tastes are pretty steady and I hardly ever change my mind, I know what I want!….welllll yeah not when it comes to weddings. Just wait a bit longer and research a bit more maybe you’ll find something better…actually you’ll definitely find something better that fits your bridesmaids budget. Also, when we started planning our wedding 2 years ago we had a pretty different bridal party and now we’ve slimmed it down quite a bit. You never know what will happen. For now just relish your engagement and focus on saving and creating a budget, believe me it will get here faster than you can imagine.

Post # 26
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I will be honest, I would never pay that much for a bridesmaid dress. I think that her stating $100 dollars for everything is a bit low, but for the dress, I think that price is reasonable. I would either cover the difference, or find a different dress everyone can afford. Ideally you picked her to be a bridesmaid because you wanted her in your wedding. I would personally think that her feelings on this matter should be considered assuming you have a good relationship due to the fact that she is in your bridal party… Just MHO.

Post # 27
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I may be the minority here- but I feel like she is being unreasonable to think she can get a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress AND shoes for under $100. I paid $215 for my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for my sister’s wedding, and my BMs paid $200 for their dresses too.

If your Bridesmaid or Best Man sets aside $20 per month between now and the wedding she will EASILY have enough money to pay for her dress, shoes and hair/ make-up. 

My Maid/Matron of Honor is a full time university student who is putting herself through school and was unemployed for over a year prior to the wedding – she never once complained about paying for her dress, she simply asked for some time to scrounge up the money – so I simply gave her the time she needed!

The only thing I can advise is to tell her she has lots of time to save up the money, and tell her you really hope she won’t drop out due to financial reasons, but you simply can’t afford to pay for her dress – not to mention that it wouldn’t be fair to the other girls.

Good luck!

Post # 28
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I paid $200 for my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for my sisters wedding, and I thought it was WAY too much for one day (even for my sister). More recently I paid 160$ for a bm dress (that the bride insisted on) and it was too much. The only consolation is that I donated the $200 dress to a ‘teens without formal wear’ group & I plan on trying to re-sale the other.

I am sorry, but for one day anything more than 50$ seems like a lot to me. And the price only goes up as the wedding gets ‘fancier.’ You have to realize that while your friends and family are excited for you to be getting married it does not mean they are excited to shell out cash.

As others have said, your wedding is 2 years away, so sure she COULD put money aside for your wedding, but it does not mean that you should expect her to! It’s HER money, she earned it. And if she thinks its ludicrous to spend it (or over spend) on a dress for YOU, then you have to respect that. She has her own bills to pay and her own life to indulge in. Sure she may have agreed to be your bm, but that was probably before she realised how much you were expecting her to pay.

Shop around, you have two years. maybe you’ll find something a little more reasonable.

Post # 29
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you are expecting WAY to much of your BM’s. $176 for a dress is ok or a little on the high side. And then asking them to pay for shoes, make up & hair, IMO that WAY too much to ask.

Why not let everyone pick there own shoes as long as they are the same color?

Post # 30
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

On a general note, posting in capitals is shouting, and kind of unnecessary. If you’re not prepared for people to offer different opinions, then it’s best not to ask for them.

On the OP, it seems that you’re at a standoff. I’m not sure why it’s more valid that you can’t afford the extra $76, rather than her? If you think about it proportionally, you’re asking her to pay nearly double what she’s comfortable with, whereas what proportion of your entire budget is the extra $76? 10%? 1%? I think that maybe both of you need to readjust your expectations – I think it will be hard work for her to do everything under $100, but equally, she’s flagged this up now, so forcing her to start paying large amounts of money (if the dress is $176, how much are shoes? hair? makeup?) is quite unreasonable. Could you maybe settle on mid ground, like $150 for dress and shoes, and then it’s up to her if she has hair and makeup or not?

Would you have been happier if she’d opened with “I can’t be your Bridesmaid or Best Man because I can’t afford it”? 

With this far to go, you could find dresses on the highstreet and then wait for sales, or look around for internet bargains.

Personally, I’m a student, and I’m paying for my BM’s whole outfits myself, and their accomodation – what I want from them is their time and support, not their money. The dresses I loved were £350 each, but that was outside my budget, so I found dresses for £120 that I loved, and got them in a special offer for £96. I’m sure there are other dresses out there that would be just as nice as these ones. 

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