(Closed) How much is too much?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m a very subtle kind of girl (even with my brother, simply b/c we didn’t want to draw attention to such a tragic thing) and I’d stop at that. I feel really taboo saying that. Personally, if I saw too many thing that reminded me of my younger brother (who right before he died promised he’d come to my wedding, tear), it would have been a hard day for me, not a joyous one.

I’d say that a lot of that is dealing with the chair and reserving her seat. The token, the flower, the chair. She’s “there” and you’ve acknowledged that. You’re making a donation which I think is wonderful and lighting candles. I think you’re just fine Beagle. One thing is going on for the ceremony and the donation is not an in your face kind of thing. So I guess what I’m trying tos ay is that you’ve spread it out. I think it’s all a lovely gesture, but I wouldn’t do more. Sorry your mom won’t be there!

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think your ok. It’s definitely a fine line between wanting to honor and being too much but I think you are right on track. My mom’s been gone for almost 6 years we are going to do a few little things-make mention of her in the ceremony/program and I’m thinking of having a single rose in a vase at our guestbook table.

Post # 5
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you’re doing okay, Beagle.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be.  I think since as ejs said, that it’s mostly all around the chair and the symbolicness of it, that it isn’t too much. I think it’s really touching, and I’m sure your guests will too.

Post # 6
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My FI’s dad died this past January and we’re saving a chair for him at the ceremony. At the beginning, right after my parents “give me away” we’re going to put flowers on his chair together.

I think for you, maybe if you did the orchid at the same time as the token of remembrance it wouldn’t be too much, but maybe reserve just one part of the ceremony for the memorial instead of spreading it out over the whole ceremony/reception. That way there’s a special time set aside ljust for remembering your mom.

Oh, and I think the donation idea is wonderful, too.

I’m so sorry you have to grieve this loss on your wedding day, but I think it’s beautiful that you’re remembering her there.

Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think your guests will be wierded out– if I was in their position, I would think your gestures are touching.  Above all, my heart would (and does) go out for your loss.  Yet most importantly, the question is a should be about balancing the gestures so they don’t make the event too emotionally overwhelming for you.  Only you could know what’s too much ((HUGS))

Post # 8
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think your gestures are touching as well. I don’t think your guests will be weirded out at all, at least I know I wouldn’t. Just make sure that you’re not overwhelmed by all of it like beffielou says as well. I’m so sorry that your mom won’t be there, I’m sure she’ll be looking down and celebrating with you anyhow.

Post # 9
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t think it is too much. I think it is understandable that you want her “presence” there and your guests will not be weirded it out by this. If it isn’t too much for you, then I would not worry about your guests. They will be comfortable with what you’re comfortable with. 

Post # 10
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would not be weirded out in the slightest. I would be touched, and wowed, and I think it will be beautiful.

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Actually, to be completely honest, I’d be weirded out by a friend who didn’t openly celebrate and miss their mom during their ceremony.
I think all of your plans are lovely.
Perfect and sentimental and absolutely touching.

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