How much is too much to demand or ask of bridesmaids

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
7867 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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melmitchell :  You are deep in bridezilla territory. Just because your “friends” aren’t saying so to your face doesn’t mean they aren’t saying it…

Post # 47
43 posts
  • Wedding: November 2019

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prettypia :  I think it depends on your bridesmaids! Every party is different. If you ask this and they go “whoa whoa whoa,” then maybe reevaluate. But as long as you request it in a kind and respectful way, the most they can do is decline, which people usually won’t. Bridesmaids are usually willing to go ALL OUT for weddings, they WANT it to be just the way you like it! Ive heard custom is for the bride to pay for hair and makeup if she wants it a certain way, but that’s up to what you decide with them.

Post # 48
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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prettypia :  I consider it too much if a bride makes demands, but expects the bridesmaids to pay

It’s your wedding, not theirs

Case in point: our wedding

Bridesmaids paid for their own dresses, but they picked them, and we selected a colour together from a range which suited our wedding – depending on which colour went best with their skin tone

They are also buying their shoes, as I’ve only asked they be black

I want their hair and makeup done professionally as they’re both shit at it, so I’m paying.

I want them at my wedding, so I’m paying for transport.

I asked for a simple, no fuss hens do, spreading the cost equally between all guests and refuse to allow them to plan anything that’s over $100 per head or I would supplement the rest of the cost.

It’s my wedding – I’m not going to dictate they do something that maybe they’re not comfortable with, then make them pay for it. That’s hella rude.

Post # 49
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I think general requests for a certain “look”- neutral makeup, hair up or down, nude nails- are fine, regardless of you are paying. Even if you are paying though, I don’t think it’s reasonable to demand the exact same hairstyle and makeup for every bride. Nails don’t matter so much but as others here have said, makeup and hair are really personal. Not only do you run the risk of some of your girls not feeling comfortable or confident, but also the stepford bridesmaids look is weird and dated tbh. You love them as individuals- going for a look is fine, but let them still be individuals.

Post # 50
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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prettypia :  As far as I’m concerned, you can demand anything you are paying 100% for out of your own pocket. 

However you cannot demand that they pay for anything. 

Post # 51
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Going with you can ask them to do what you want if you pay for it. I covered hair, makeup, and nails, but I didn’t say, “you have to wear your hair in a tight bun, paint your nails maroon, and do a cat eye with neutral lip.” I actually gave no say on makeup, asked only that they don’t do a bright highlighter color in neon, but I did ask that those with longer hair do some kind of do where their hair wouldn’t be flying in anyone’s face because it ended up being crazy windy on my wedding day. And I didn’t want anyone doing their hair exactly like mine.


You will probably get a better response laying ground rules rather than dictating exact styles / colors. That being said, I still remember my Maid of honor  being upset about the hair thing. I didn’t dictate how it had to be done but she just had really long hair and it was *so* windy I was afraid it would get in the person behind her’s face. 

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