(Closed) How much is your future MIL involved with the wedding planning?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How much is your MIL involved with the wedding planning?
    Not at all : (49 votes)
    67 %
    A little bit : (14 votes)
    19 %
    A lot : (8 votes)
    11 %
    She's pretty much planning the wedding : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee

    My Mother-In-Law is my mom. She was there every step of the way, she even helped with some of the costs which is so sweet of her. We bickered about stuff in regards to the wedding. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My mom wasn’t involved, she didnt come nor even congradulate me about my wedding a few weeks back. So my experience would be different than yours. If she has your best interest at heart, than I think it’ll be ok. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    9683 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My Mother-In-Law wasn’t really involved at all. She didn’t come dress shopping. I went in my hometown, 9 hours from where she lives, had I gone closer I would have been fine with her coming. She didn’t visit venues or meet vendors or go to tastings. Those were all things I did with my husband, my mom wasn’t really even involved besides sending pictures and links to websites since she lives so far from where we got married. I shared decisions after they were made.

    I did let her have total control of the rehearsal dinner. It gave her something (that I didn’t really care about or have strong opinions on) to plan and feel involved.

    My Mother-In-Law is a very sweet person but too many opinions, no matter how well intentioned just makes wedding planning more stressful. I strongly believe my wedding planning process went so smoothly because my husband and I were the ones who planned it with very little input from others.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    My Mother-In-Law let us plan our wedding ourselves. Both in-laws are good about giving us space while still being supportive. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2658 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    My Future Mother-In-Law isn’t overly involved with planning our wedding, but neither are my parents – my Fiance and I are handling it. Although all of our parents (mine are divorced) are contributing financially to the wedding, none of them really wanted any input – they maintain that it’s our day and that their contributions are a gift. I think if my Future Mother-In-Law had shown some interest or hinted at being involved in some of the decision making process, I would have probably included her – I love my Future Mother-In-Law and get along with her really well, so it would have been no problem for me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee

    My Mother-In-Law lives across the country, and never really asked at all about the wedding. She just said let her know when and where to be. But then again, his family isn’t overly interested in our lives. We’re lucky if we hear from them once a month, even if we initiate contact. Just not a super close family I guess, completely different than mine. I’ve had to learn to not take it personally. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    My mom has helped financially and that’s it. It’s pretty sad she hasn’t been involved. I’ve given her opportunities and even tried to delegate tasks but she hasn’t stepped up. I’ve been crazy stressed! 

    On the other side of the spectrum, my future Mother-In-Law is VERY involved. Sometimes she has stressed me out because she would ask me all these questions every day about decisions I had to make. It was very stressful. But ultimately I’m so thankful for her help. I wish I had been Kinder to her earlier but the stress made me a little crazy. It has helped us become closer before the wedding. My advice is take the help humbly but stand your ground when needed. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    My Mother-In-Law is wonderful, gives her opinion but it’s not like we have to do her way.. My mom haven’t asked a thing about the wedding.. My Mother-In-Law have seen our venue and coming dress shopping with me and the bridesmaids on Tuesday =) 

    However I am close with my mom it’s just that she doesn’t really care about festive things or thinks it’s important 

    Post # 9
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My Mother-In-Law was there all the way: wedding dress, venue, food and drinks, decor, flowers, etc.  She even helped set up and do last minute errands.  She only had sons so I’m sure it meant a lot to her to participate in planning the wedding.  She gave her opinion but ultimately it was just that, my husband and I had the final say, but I loved having her around.  I feel that allowing her to participate was one of those gestures that positively affected our relationship.

    If you don’t want her to participate much or at all that’s okay and you can give her a few trivial things to work on that makes you feel comfortable, but don’t say that she will be against “your mom.”  This is her sons wedding too, not only your moms and such a sentiment is isolating.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    0%… we dont even talk so I doubt it will change

    Post # 11
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Not very involved. We shared details after we had made decisions (i.e., “We just booked X venue, here’s a photo!”). However, my Mother-In-Law and Step-MIL each contributed in important ways, and I think they felt involved in ways that made them happy:

    Mother-In-Law knows how to sew very well, so she sewed sleeves onto my wedding gown (which was the only alterantion I needed). She also made a veil for me out of beautiful lace. These contributions saved us $$$, and were so incredibly sweet of her! I’ll always think of her when I see photos of me with my beautiful veil. Along with my parents and other family, she also helped with setting up & decorating the venue, and then cleaning up the venue after the wedding.

    Step-MIL LOVES flowers, so she decided to gift us flowers for the wedding. She was heavily involved with the flowers (chose the florist, gave lots of input about who needs flowers and how they might look, helped set up flowers on our cake table the day of the wedding, etc). Since flowers are something I know NOTHING about, her advice was very welcome in this area. And if she had not helped, I likely would have been using faux flowers or no flowers for most things, due to our budget. So this was also a wonderful gift, and I will always think of her generosity when I see photos from our day that include my beautiful bouquet.

    Take home message: perhaps there is something your Mother-In-Law particularly cares about, or is related to a particular skill of hers, and she could help you problem-solve it? If you involve her in one area, it might really help you out, and it might really help her feel involved!

    Post # 12
    Member
    656 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I actually get along pretty well with my Mother-In-Law, so I’m doing a bit of planning with her. Like yours, she only has sons, so she missed out on things like this. Her two oldest live far away, so she’s not as involved with them. My Fiance is the youngest and so she wanted to be involved. I actually took her dress shopping the first time I picked my dress! Since it was out of my budget, I refused to consider it, however she offered to pay for half of it to meet my budgeted amount. So I ordered my size and just went yesterday with her and my mom to try it on and buy it! We even went dress shopping together for them afterwards. I don’t ask her input often on other things, but I do keep her on the loop about what we’re doing, and do take her opinion sometimes in consideration. I figured I am spending the rest of my life with this man, might as well use this time to get his family on my side just in case! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9435 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    She came dress shopping the second time I went. I think that was about it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2631 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Not at all.  She was dealing with some health issues at the time, so I don’t think the wedding was really on her mind at all.  She was nice about it though.  She would ask about what the dress I picked out looked like, and stuff like that, but she never really gave much of an opinion.  I don’t think she was really into the whole wedding thing.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Not at all. She has hinted that she wanted to be,  but fi and I and my parents are paying so I have ignored her hints. My parents have considered their contribution a gift without strings.

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