How much is your future MIL involved with the wedding planning?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How much is your MIL involved with the wedding planning?
    Not at all : (49 votes)
    67 %
    A little bit : (14 votes)
    19 %
    A lot : (8 votes)
    11 %
    She's pretty much planning the wedding : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

    My Mother-In-Law lives about 2 hours away, so she wasn’t involved in dress shopping or anything like that. Darling Husband and I planned everything, though my mom had a say in the reception planning since she was paying for the whole thing. Every time MIL visited while we were wedding planning, she asked us about what we were doing. She really wanted to be involved (she also only has sons and Darling Husband is the first of her sons to get married) but living in a different city and not being able to visit more than once a month or every other month made that pretty much impossible – she never plans her visits more than 24 hrs in advance, even now. We ended up giving her the rehearsal dinner to plan so she could feel more involved and stop pestering Darling Husband to let her do something.

    I would definitely recommend involving her. Maybe find out if she’s good at or really enjoys doing anything that can help you? My mom’s friends really helped us out with the reception decorations. I chose all our flowers, but they did all the arranging for us – my Mother-In-Law also ended up helping a little there as well. Maybe something like that.

    Post # 17
    Member
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Not at all. My Mother-In-Law is a sweet lady and involved in our lives and we see her on a weekly basis. But she has depression and shows very little interest in certain areas of our lives. The wedding is one of them. Maybe because she is divorced so her own wedding is a bad memory? It’s alright though, I love the planning aspect and don’t mind her not helping.

    Post # 18
    Member
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Biltmore Estate

    My Future Mother-In-Law is not involved at all in the wedding planning. FI’s parents are hosting a welcome/rehearsal dinner, but other than that no. I am not close with her and my parents are paying for the wedding, so I just feel like it would be weird (just as I did not feel comfortable having a say in which rehearsal dinner venue they picked, since it’s their money!).

    Also, we are having a small wedding of ~50 people, and I feel like if I tell her any details, then everyone is going to find out about it. I would rather my guests just be surprised and enjoy the wedding. Fiance is her only child, but Future Mother-In-Law did just get remarried less than a year ago, so I’m hoping she got all of her wedding planning urges out then. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    4237 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

    DH’s Mom passed away when he was 21. However his Godmother was playing the role of MOG. She was his Mom’s best friend, and really stepped in to help out when DH’s Mom first got sick with cancer when he was 11. Darling Husband and Brother-In-Law view her as a mix of Aunt/Maternal Figure/Close Friend.

    She was a TOTAL blessing! Five months before the wedding we suddenly had to start EVERYTHING from scratch! She swooped in to help in a BIG way! She was in charge of decor. She came with us to all our appointments to the new venue and helped us find new vendors. She listened to every rant, every hissy fit. She took care of things we didn’t even THINK of! She even helped coordinate rides for everyone in the wedding party to get where we needed to go on the wedding day. On our wedding day she was at the venue bright and early making sure everything was perfect. Through the night she was still running around and smoothing over little ‘rimples’. We could NOT have done this wedding without her! 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1862 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Future Mother-In-Law is a nervous person in general (I am having to drive her to and from my dress appointments because she is scared of driving and arriving alone) and so she mostly keeps to herself. So she is not at all involved. I will have to do some hand holding through other events (shower, etc.) for her to be able to attend comfortably. My guess is she will just show up, she is very hands off.

    Post # 21
    Member
    4450 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    My Mother-In-Law also has 2 sons and is excited to be taking a part in the wedding planning.  I asked her for her opinion on a lot of things, it doesn’t mean I have to take it but it’s nice to have her take on things.  I try to involve her in a lot. She is helping with the menu choices, helping me with my flower arrangements,  centerpieces, seating arrangements, band/music, etc.

     I try to have her and my mum working together also. I want them both to feel like their opinions matter to me. My Fiance loves his mom and so I want her to know she is important and needed on our wedding day.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    She’s semi involved- she came with me to a dress apt, we ask her opinion on things here and there but give her limited options to give her choice… it’s safer thay way 

    Post # 23
    Member
    3490 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    Future Mother-In-Law will not be involved. A short conversation where she proceeded to tell me we HAD to do this and MUST have that about things neither of us want or need was enough. I will not be sharing details with her and if asked only give vague answers. But otherwise she’s a great person. 😄 His parents aren’t contributing, mine are contributing a total of $2000 but as a PP stated its no strings attached. All they want is for us to be happy with the type of wedding we choose. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    6867 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    raspberrybidet :  I would say she just sounds more excited than anything else. She’s a mom who won’t ever get to help a daughter plan a wedding.

    My Mother-In-Law wasn’t involved but that’s because it’s just not in her nature. She’s always there to help if we ever needed it, but really takes a “hands off” approach to her adult kid’s lives. She’s very cautious about not overstepping bounds. The only thing tried to have a say in was a rememberance table. She really wanted one but I feel like they’re insanely morbid and firmly put my foot down. She moved on, wasn’t offended, and everything went fine.

    Even when it came to the rehearsal dinner she was hands off. They hosted/paid but she was very adament that she wanted us to choose what we wanted, so we did.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1633 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Future Mother-In-Law is really excited about our wedding and asks a lot of questions, but more in an interested way and not pushy. Fiance and I have been doing all the planning ourselves and he surmised from her questions that she wanted to be more involved but didn’t want to push her way in, so I invited her to go speak to the florist with me, and will probably ask her to go tasting desserts at a bakery. She was thrilled to go talk about flowers with me. She has no daughters and this is the first time either of her sons has been married.

    She threw us an engagement party so our extended families could formally meet, and she has offered to do our rehearsal dinner and pay for our band. She is really sweet.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Just a little as in what i fill her in on. FI’s family is very opinionated and will flat out tell me if they dont like something so im toing the line between keeping them somewhat in the loop and also not mentioning other things. I was raised as an only child so im not used to opposing opinions lol.

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