(Closed) How much longer do I have to wait?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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waiting0902 :  so if marriage wasn’t the priority at the time and you still stand by having a second child as being more important, why are you crying about it now? He doesn’t want to get married. Wait until he decides that he does or make a choice for YOUR life and accept that he doesn’t.  Are you going to stay or go? Can you be happy that you wanted your children more than marriage and now you don’t have everything you want bit you did get what you prioritized as more important.  

Post # 62
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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waiting0902 :  Your partner doesn’t want to be married to you.  It’s admirable on his part he’s stayed to help raise children he didn’t want with you, but it doesn’t mean he’s staying for any other reason.  Expect him to leave once the kids are older.  This relationship was never a fairytale and you’re not who he wants as a life partner.  Stay if you’re okay with knowing this is a temporary relationship as it’s nothing more. 

Post # 63
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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stayingforthepromise :  do you know how much a marriage costs? $85. You’re telling me most people can’t afford that and so they jump the gun and have kids? Wowzers. I guess my $85 dollar marriage certificate is going to be much more costly than a child so DH and I should stop financially preparing our lives for a child seeing as how its going to be much more affordable than our marriage was. 

Post # 64
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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DoubleD :  not sure why everyone keeps arguing this trend / it’s a huge trend now for more couples to have kids before marriage – millennial are not tying the knot – most women won’t accept just a marriage certificate and no ring or anything else – you must be aware of this 

Post # 65
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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DoubleD :  I made a HUGE HUGE HUGE mistake giving my child his last name and I will forever regret this. He convinced me we were in it for the long haul with a slew of lies. I felt I was respecting his family and my son by giving him his fathers name as well. Idk what I was thinking. 

Post # 66
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

There are a lot of people in here being SUPER judgemental about OP having children before marriage. I’m confused how that makes her any less deserving of the life she wants?

Post # 67
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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ohnoitslindsay :  no I think she definitely deserves to be married! Most of the bees were addressing that her situation isn’t traditional and that she should address marriage with her SO as soemthing she wants for good reason. Not because she’s traditional as she had said. And all in all we were making her aware that a lot of her life’s choices seemed as tho she pushed them on her SO and if he really doesnt want to be married then he wont marry her regardless of her feelings.

Post # 68
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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stayingforthepromise :  I get what you are saying but if you were led on then it is partially YOUR fault. Ring shopping is NOT the same as being married. After baby number one, you  should have said “No more kids until we are married.” Then you make sure(by way of contraception, perhaps) that you DON’T have another kid until you are married and the certificate is signed. If you gave in and slipped up because you THOUGHT he was serious, then it is still partially your fault for not ensuring that the deal was complete. Women need to stop playing victim and take responsibility. I am not saying that some men don’t lie and aren’t a-holes but if you are allowing yourself to be played then that is still partially your fault. Most of us have played the fool before, but dang girl, take RESPONSIBILITY.  

The same thing applies to OP. I’m sorry but I am not understanding how someone who considers themselves “traditional” and who wants to be married so badly would have two kids out of wedlock and purchase a home without marriage. He is not stepping up because he doesn’t want to step up. Why should he? He has all the benefits of married life already. At this point he probably feels like he would just be doing it for you(which to me should be reason enough) but for him there are no added benefits. Even if he proposed at this point, you basically had to force him. That in itself says a lot.

Post # 69
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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lovethehubs :  I only had one child you misread my answer – and I recently posted on here – I left him because he wasn’t going to commit ever – lies lies lies 

Post # 70
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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stayingforthepromise :  Good for you!!! 👏👏❤️  I’m glad you realized your worth and left! You will find someone better.  You stepped up and took control of your life! That’s always a good thing. 

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