Post # 1
So, next month we are going to a quasi-reception for a cousin on my husband’s side. I’ve only met her once, about 4 years ago, but we talk on Facebook from time to time and she seems really nice. She eloped last year and I think it was a major surprise to everyone, but then again I’m not really close enough to know if everyone in the extended family was as surprised as we were.
They are having a rather informal celebration next month, and in the invitation, they noted that they are not registered, but would appreciate a monetary gift. (It was worded more politely than what I just said).
So, I don’t really know her, but I do want to give her a gift. What is an appropriate dollar amount for this situation? She doesn’t really know us, so an overly generous gift might be kind of uncomfortable. Plus, I always feel weird about giving my peers money, but it sounds like that’s what she needs so I’ll go with it. My SIL and another cousin and I have talked about it and no one knows the appropriate amount. Husband is cheap and doesn’t want to spend any money but no one is listening to him.
Post # 3
This is sort of what we did. We had a weddingmoon in Jamaica, and had a “reception” a week later. We had about 35 guests, and we got gifts anywhere from $25 to $500, with the average being about $50. We live in the midwest, apparently it’s higher in the NE.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Did you send her a gift when she eloped last year?
Gift what you can afford and feel comfortable with. It’s hard for us Bees to advise how much to give because we don’t know what your financial situation is or what you believe is an appropriate amount.
Based on my situation, I usually gift $50-100 for weddings because it’s a big chunk out of my paycheck but I can afford to give it. However, I know there are people on here who say that is not enough.
Post # 6
For my wedding, my monetary gifts ranged from $40-$100 not including his grandfather’s that is on its way. I think I would give $40 in your case.
Post # 7
I’d give whatever you normally give. Giving cash is the norm here generally at least $75pp. I wouldn’t give less just bc you’re not super close since she’s family.
Post # 8
We didn’t send her a gift last year. We only found out about it when SIL noticed that she had changed her facebook status to married (I wasn’t friends with her at the time, but I’m pretty sure SIL said she didn’t even know Cousin had a boyfriend then one day it pops up in SIL’s newsfeed that Cousin is married).
Husband’s family is very fragmanted. At first I thought they were just really cliquey (on both sides) until I realized Husband always declined family events and so the invitations stopped coming. I am working on getting us back in the fold.
I was thinking $50. That is normally what I give at weddings and it sounds in line with what I’ve heard from this post. Thanks guys!
Post # 9
I would also say that how much you give depends on your situation. If it were me, I would probably give about $100 for an informal reception.
Post # 10
@Tatum: I give between $150 to $500 depending on how close I am to the couple, whether or not I actually like them, and what their wedding consists of. It makes my skin crawl when people actually ask for money, so in this case I agree with your *cheap* husband and would give nothing. I wouldn’t even go. However, I am quite adamant about this issue. I just find it so rude and distasteful. Everyone knows people prefer money – don’t ask for it for god sake.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I think $50, particularly in this situation, would be appropriate. The week after their elopement, I may have done $100, but for a super casual get together a year after… I think $50 is perfectly generous.
Post # 13
I think 75-100$ per guest attending is a reasonable gift unless you can’t afford it. At the end of the day the wedding’s probably costing somwhere close to that in total unless it’s really informal.
Post # 14
I think 75 since its just an informal party after the fact
Post # 15
Wow, $500 for a wedding gift?? You are very generous. I could never afford the equivalent of a car payment for a wedding gift, even if I don’t go to too many weddings. Husband would shit a brick if I wrote out a $500 check for a wedding gift.
Believe me, husband is not balking at paying over an etiquette standpoint. He didn’t even see the invitation. He IS just cheap. But I agree with you. I would not have put that on the invitation. Another friend who is getting married this fall asked me recently how she can nicely ask for money and I told her there wasn’t really a nice way to ask, and that the best thing to do is not register. Even if I don’t agree it was appropriate to put that on the invite, I still want to give her something because I do really like her, and in general, she has impeccable manners so I was a bit surprised to see that on the invite.
Post # 16
I’d give $100 from both of you.